From Out of Nowhere
by smartkid37
Summary: He had once said he would join a monastery and after having given love one last chance only to be left hurting & heartbroken again, it's the first thing he contemplates. But, when his dreams lead him in another direction, it not only shocks him but the one who discovers his intentions to follow that path to the extreme, too. Can he be convinced that he's making the wrong choice?
1. Prologue

_This was written/posted on NFA Community - back in Feb, 2012_

_It is a McGibbs - And as much as I hate to give that away - I want it clear from the get go_  
_- if you don't like that pairing - please don't read just to flame._

_Thank you Shelbylou - for encouraging me to go ahead and post this here._

* * *

_May 2010_

_His heart is up in his throat; his breathing rapidly becoming shallow and panicked. Not only is it pitch dark, but he has lost all sense of bearing. Where is he and how did he get here? What the hell is going on?_

_Suddenly, he realizes, there's nothing threatening about wherever it is 'this' is. Nothing's holding him against his will, there's nothing covering his eyes and all of his limbs are untethered. It's merely pitch black all around him. So the questions remain; where the hell is he and what the hell's going on?_

"_This can't be real. This stuff only happens in one of Tony's stupid movies." He mutters half under his breath in between harsh breaths of air._

"_And dreams." The unexpected quietly spoken words reach his ears on a soft breeze, that gently ruffles his hair._

"_Right. And dreams." He mutters with disbelief. Had he really just heard those words or was his mind playing tricks on him?_

_Suddenly he feels a fissure of fear. Has he done something wrong to land him here? What's gonna happen to him now? Why was he in this place; unknown to him and shrouded in darkness?_

_Swallowing hard, he blinks and opens his eyes once more, this time realizing he's no longer alone. As his heart jumps, his mind screams for him to run but his feet are glued to the floor. His breath quickens in fear once more and his heart races so wildly, he fears a full blown panic attack is only as far away as his next barely managed breath. Suddenly, more unexpected softly spoken words reach him on yet another soft breeze. _

"_Ssssh..Relax, you're safe here."_

_Without hesitation, he accepts what he hears as the truth, immediately causing his body to let go of the fear. As his heart and breathing begin to calm, his eyes now eagerly, almost desperately search his surroundings, trying to process who is there with him, where he is and how he's gotten here. _

_He notices, for the first time, that the darkness is no longer; the room he is in is shrouded in shadows now with only one soft glowing lamp in the corner of the room to dispel the inky depths of the all-encompassing black canopy that sits just beyond the lamp's glowing reach._

_A heavy silence looms almost as eerily as the darkness and while his heart is no longer pounding, his breathing is still ragged as he continues to fight to get it under control, his nerves feeling stretched too far. What the hell is this room? Is his mind playing tricks on him? Why the hell would he be in a place like this?_

_Blinking to take away the mirage, Tim opens his eyes yet again to an even bigger shock as he finds the silhouette of someone cast in long shadows, the lamp somehow even dimmer than it had been a moment ago, almost as if to hide whoever this was from him. Even though tendrils of fear are racing up and down his spine and his heart struggles to stop pounding, he can't help but fasten his eyes on whoever this is here with him. Try as he might, he is unable to recognize who it might be, yet his gut is telling him that it is someone he knows and trusts not to hurt him._

_Almost without realizing it, the figure cloaked in the near darkness has moved and continues to approach him, slowly and deliberately, yet Tim does not feel threatened any longer, rather he feels the adrenaline already coursing through his veins spiking and transforming into anticipation at this extremely science-fiction like experience. A part himself is hoping that he's dreaming and that he'll wake up and everything will be alright and normal again. _

_Then again, the other part of himself, the one long held in silent yet agonizing suppression, is nearly shouting for joy at the mere thought of where this feels like it might be heading. God, this can't be right, can it? How can it be that he's never felt this way before? What is it that's so different about this?_

_Stopping directly in front of Tim, the mysterious figure remains silent, staring at him as if trying to read his soul through his eyes, exuding tenderness and want even in the silence. Tim can't even look away now; so mesmerized by these captivating eyes that seem to have hypnotized him. That mouth seems to have also caught his attention as well, with its strong lines and lips that just seem to demand to be kissed. Tim is shocked to feel his boxers beginning to become tented as proof his libido is working just fine, now that its finally being shaken awake from an incredibly long slumber. What he'd had with Melissa never felt like this! _

_In fact, he couldn't remember the last time __**anyone **__had brought this yearning, almost desperate fissure of anticipation and aching want out in him._

_Almost before he can think on things any longer, the beautiful blue orbs looking back at him change hue, darkening with desire, causing Tim to go weak in the knees and reach for the chair once more as those eyes infuse him with so much sensuous want and need, it leaves him floating in a sea of surreal waters. _

_God, he hoped he never had to leave this place!_

_It's unclear how this happened but he refuses to close his eyes, not wanting to miss a moment. Suddenly the gap between them is closed, that beautiful mouth descending on his and becoming the most gentle, provocative kiss he's ever experienced in his life. _

_Before he can even process this new experience, he's pulled even closer into an embrace so secure and without reservation, it takes his breath away and brings tears to his eyes. NO ONE has EVER held him like this before! Ever. _

_Suddenly, his brain freezes. These are man's arms! This is a man's mouth! Whoever this is, holding him; kissing him; this wonderous new experience is at hands of a man! _

_No! his brain screams. I am not gay! What the hell is going on here? Where the hell had this come from?_

_Almost instantly, he's gently released from the kiss as the mouth that has so sensuously awakened his own, now smiles at him tenderly. The eyes hold his own steadily and without flickering as the arms holding him begin gently soothing him with calming strokes of gentle sweeps on his back and arms, traveling further out with each stroke, the upward strokes reaching toward his neck and caressingly down his face as the downward strokes come back to his back and arms._

_Once again, gentle words whispered on a breeze reach his ears. "Let yourself go. Close your eyes and just feel."_

_As those soft, comforting words reach his brain and fill his heart with a full dose of trust, he can't help but melt into the kiss; the embrace, finally allowing his eyes to close, no longer entrapped by the shock that this person who wants him happens to be a man. His heart knows what feels right, at least in this moment and it shouts out for joy. _

_Hearing his heart's cry and feeling the wave of emotion from within it, he gives up control; the desire to take whatever he is given, already surging well beyond his own personal boundries of caution and restraint; his head is no longer in the game. _

_This man, whoever he is, has embraced and kissed him. Whoever this is has made him feel more wanted and safe than he's ever felt before in his life. With a jolt to his heart, Tim realizes he wants more. _

_Once again, he prays that he never has to leave this place. _

_****BEEP** *BEEP**BEEP** **BEEP** *BEEP****BEEP** *BEEP****_


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: _Wow, thank you all for the warm reviews!_

_Since this has been completely written - 2 years ago (LOL) - I don't see the harm in **not** keeping you waiting._

* * *

With a gasp for air, Tim surged upright in his bed; the pitch black darkness of his bedroom hitting him with the force of a cold bucket of water. Taking a minute to take stock of his surroundings, his heart plummeted. It had only been a dream. _He knew it couldn't have been real!_ He rubbed one trembling hand across his face while reaching out to slap at the alarm clock off with the other. Several attempts later, he finally managed to put an end to the offending noise, bringing an abrupt and eerie silence to the room. A shiver ran down his spine, causing him to think twice about getting out of bed.

Shock and disbelief were still resident in his mind and even in his heart. Never in a million years would he have thought of travelling down the road his dream had just taken him. But, now? At this very moment while the pleasurable feelings were still rampant in his mind, he couldn't think of a single reason _not_ to be on that road; not to turn around and go back to that invisible stop sign he'd just been ripped away from. As a matter of fact, with every passing second he sat there thinking on it, he began to think something new had somehow just been awakened inside himself _That's ridiculous! I. Am. Not. Gay!_

Pushing his crumpled pile of bedcovers further aside beyond where they'd been shoved during his vivid dream, refusing to let himself think on any part of anything at the moment, Tim lumbered unsteadily to his feet and cautiously made his way to his kitchen to turn the coffee maker on. The timer wasn't ready to go off for the automatic brewing cycle, but he couldn't wait. He needed coffee and he needed it right now!

That dream had taken a lot out of him, surprisingly enough, he felt more tired now than he had when he'd gone to bed last night. On his unsteady feet, he headed to the shower, also needing to get ready for work. No matter what weird place his dreams had just taken him, or how muddled his mind was now because of it or even what sleep he'd lost on account of it, work wouldn't wait and there was no way he'd get away with being late.

Like the proverbial light bulb going off in his head, he realized with more clarity in this moment of thinking than the last one, that if he had his choice right about now, he'd go back to that moment in his dream, that moment of being safely tucked away in that embrace. He go back to that moment when he was mesmerized by those eyes silently filling him with something he couldn't get enough of and being swept away by that heart stopping kiss; of finally being loved for himself; even if it was just in the physical sense.

He'd go back to that moment and this time, he'd stay there.

It sure beat the hell out of the loneliness and heartbreak he'd endured time after time; this last heartbreaking breakup being the straw that had broken the camel's back. It was enough to make him wish he'd gone and joined that monastery back when he'd off-handedly joked about doing it. It had certainly crossed his mind last night as a distinct possibility for his future. _Wait a minute! Was that what had triggered this truly strange experience? But she just broke up with me a week ago! That's ridiculous!_

Every time he'd tried to date had ended badly, becoming yet another time in his life that was deeply painful and very nearly soul crushing. Most especially in the case of 'Amanda'. Having fallen for that young woman very quickly and almost too hard, he'd wound up almost getting killed by her and left him with a broken heart yet again and a soul that now cried silent tears destined for pain and failure. Apparently, this last relationship, with Melissa, had proven his soul was indeed destined for that.

Only his dreams, it seemed, had decided to play a cruel joke on him. He preferred thinking it was something he had eaten last night that just didn't agree with him. It hurt less to hold onto that explanation.

Tim knew that the reality of the situation with his dream had nothing whatsoever to do with anything he'd eaten before he went to bed, but rather, it had everything to do with Melissa. Not even two months ago, he had lost his head over the beautiful blonde haired coffee bar attendant with the most alluring brown eyes and had subsequently and successfully knocked her off her feet. With a whirlwind two months of dates and all night talks about themselves, each other and what they wanted out of life, he had rapidly fallen for her and hard.

At the same time, he'd done his best to hold the truth of his emotions back even though it had been extremely difficult. There had been times when Tim had felt like two different people; one who felt all of the emotions of a man falling in love and wanted to share them openly and one who refused to admit to any emotion at all for fear of being ridiculed or walked on or worse; abandoned.

Apparently, Melissa had gotten the same vibe from Tim. She'd refused to spend any time trying to work through whatever was causing him to seem like two different people; trying to get to know him on a deeper level Instead, she'd pled the incapability to work things out. She'd hidden behind the claim that she felt overwhelmed at the idea of there being hidden layers of who he was that she'd not yet been privy too. With a kiss to the cheek and a "I'll call you," she was gone and hadn't called him since.

Through the waves of regret and hurt, the only relief Tim had the opportunity to feel this time, had come from the knowledge that he'd managed to keep this relationship a complete secret from the team. The last thing he'd wanted was for any of them to have the ammunition with which to tease, taunt or laugh at him about. Now all he could think was, _Thank God, I won't have to take any ribbing from Tony about my weird dream. _

Dragging himself through the beginning of his morning routine, Tim felt like he was operating on auto-pilot, feeling almost displaced from himself, like he was watching someone else operate his body for him as his brain continued to remain muddled in the confusion left by his dream. The outer body feeling was yet another new experience of weirdness compounded with the twilight zone feel his dream had left him with. All he wanted was to go back to bed and sleep; this time, without dreaming. Against his own wishes, his brain jumped back on track and wildly raced to figure out what had just happened.

_What the hell was going on? What weird food had he eaten before he went to bed last night? Whatever it was, he'd make damn sure he didn't repeat that mistake again! The letdown when he woke up was almost too much to take! Wait, a minute! Had his brain just said what he heard it say? Letdown? _Sighing out in frustration, Tim looked himself over in the tall hallway mirror, noticing almost right away, that his boxers were still tented, which meant it would be a cold shower for him this morning _Oh, God, what was happening to him?_ Who would have thought that another painfully failed relationship would send his mind down the completely foreign road his dream tonight had taken him just now?

His dreams had never been so erotic or so not normal before. _Those eyes_! He couldn't get those eyes out of his mind. Everything he could read in those eyes still sent tingling down his spine and was keeping the tent going in his boxers, too. That embrace that felt so wonderful and right and safe; oh, God, he wished he were still back in dreamland. _God, what was he thinkin? He couldn't live there and he knew it! Too good to be true!_ Sighing loudly in frustration and confusion, Tim forced his feet in the direction of his bathroom. The need for a cold shower had never been so great before.

Maybe, just maybe, it could still be a good day and he could put this weird, sensuous dream out of his mind and forget about it. He could only hope so!

*****NCIS*****

"Hey, Probie! What's up with you? Almost late and lookin' a little ragged under the collar, too? Losin' sleep are we? Don't tell me, another all nighter with the elves and elf lords in gamer's life? After all these years, you'd think you'd grow up and find a new hobby by now." Tony relentlessly teased as Tim wearily trudged into the squad room with barely five minutes to spare. "Not like you to be this late, McGee. I thought we were gonna have to call out the calvery to locate your almost tardy butt. What's up with that?"

"Nothing, Tony." Tim replied firmly. "Morning, Ziva." He greeted his other teammate deliberately and politely partly in an effort to force the subject of Tony's attention off himself and onto something/anything else.

"Good morning, McGee." Ziva replied with a smile. "I believe Tony is right. You do look , oh, what is the word….?"

"Ragged." Tony offered with a grin firmly plastered on his face. "Actually, a better word would be the phrase, 'like crap' What gives, Probie? You've been absolutely mum about your off hours for months now, it's been worse than tryin' to break into Fort Knox! And this morning you're comin' in here lookin' like you haven't slept a wink."

"Like I said, Tony, it's nothing." Tim replied as he looked Tony square on and silently told him to back off; his eyes nearly shooting the message to him. "Just because I refuse to give you any ammunition to use against me, doesn't mean there's something wrong." He gave back as he took himself to his own desk without further distraction. Almost automatically, he set his backpack down and immediately booted up his computer

"Okay, okay. Not that I believe you or anything, but just don't look to me to bail you out when El Jefe starts getting' on your case, McLiar." Tony quipped as he sat down in his desk chair and glared at the younger man.

"Gettin' on his case about what, DiNozzo?" Gibbs casually asked as he strolled into the squad room on his way to his desk.

Tim quickly got busy booting up his work station and glancing through the file Gibbs had just slid onto his desk as he waited to hear how Tony was going to explain the conversation the boss had just walked in on.

"Nuthin', Boss." Tony replied quickly as he gave his full attention to starting up his computer and beginning the daily grind.

"Mmm Mmm. Cold cases" Gibbs calmly ordered, knowing his team hated the inactive periods of time in between new cases, that required them to peruse old unsolved cases in hopes of finding what they'd missed before or looking for new clues. Unfortunately, they had to be done.

"God, I hate cold cases!" Tony griped.

"Comes with the territory." Gibbs reminded him as they all got busy going through the one that had been assigned to them.

"Yeah, I know. Still hate 'em though." Tony groused as he glanced at each of his teammates, stopping to stare at Tim, already busy typing away on his computer, his attention turned inward, ignoring those around him already. There was something off about the probie's posture and the completely worn out look he was sporting this morning but it was obvious that the younger man wasn't going to let anyone in on what was going on with him; at least, not without more of Tony's infamous pushing until he got what he wanted; the juicy details!

Shaking his head in frustration since that kind of fun would have to wait until after work, Tony quietened down and got to work on his own assigned case file.

Silence descended on the squad room eerily as the four agents began reading their cases, but soon enough, the room became filled with the noises of clacking computer keyboards and telephone calls being made in pursuit of the answers for their unsolved mysteries. Tim relied on computer searches as his mainstay of finding the information and was soon lost in the world of cyber searching and simultaneously planning ahead for which route he would take next if this one or that one didn't pan out.

"McGee!"

Gibbs' barked voice finally penetrated Tim's withdrawn brain cells and the younger man looked up, over at the boss; and froze. _Those eyes!_

"Hey!" Gibbs sent his voice across the room in another bark as his youngest agent seemed unable to stop staring at him with his eyes opening wider, as if in shock. _What the heck was wrong with this kid? First it takes three times of calling his name to get his attention and now he looks like I've grown a second head or something!_

Tim's eyes snapped shut for a second as his brain stopped mid-thought while his heart pounded in his chest, his breathing unsteady and shaky. Swallowing hard, he forced himself to calm down, breathing in and out carefully. _This can't be right! It can't be real! Oh, God, don't let me look like an idiot over this. Have to stop thinking about this right now_! After a moment or two of deliberated breathing, he brought himself back online, opened his eyes again and looked back at Gibbs and dared to speak; his voice uneven and seemingly loud. "Boss?"

"Coffee Run" Gibbs said as if he were making an understood reasonable request instead of an unexpected order.

"Oh. Yes, Boss." Tim replied as he nearly flew from the squad room on the requested mission embarrassment coloring his cheeks before he quite made it past the boss' desk. The irritation on the boss' face had been unmistakable and Tim hated being on the receiving end of that on a good day – and this- was turning into a not so good day.

"What the heck's up with him?" Tony quipped as he watched his teammate disappear down the hall toward the back stairwell.

"Something on your mind, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked in his typical off-hand way of shutting down the topic of conversation.

"Uh, no, Boss. Nothing. Nothing at all." Tony stumbled though his backpedalling and quickly got back to the file in his hands.

Gibbs, on the other hand, was still trying to figure out what had been going on with his youngest agent for him to have reacted like that. It made no sense. He hadn't planned on sending him after the coffee, but after seeing him looking so unusually shocked and out of it, the boss was confident that sending him on that errand would help clear the kid's head and get it back in the game.

******NCIS******

Tim could hardly see straight as he walked to the coffee shop, his steps almost cautious and mind blowingly slow. _It couldn't be! His mind had to be playing tricks on him! There was no way this could be right!"_

Stop doing this to yourself. Just drop it!" Tim verbally scolded himself. Squaring his shoulders, he dropped the thought pattern into the outer limits of his thinking and turned his attention to the case he'd been reading, his steps picking up in pace and determination as he did.

By the time he got back to the squad room, Tim thought he'd stepped into yet another twilight zone. Everyone seemed to have taken happy pills or something while he'd been gone. Even the boss seemed to be in a genuinely good mood now, with all of them actually thanking him nicely for their drinks even if they didn't look up from their work. No head slaps were given out and no growling or yelling had gone down beyond that moment when the boss had needed his attention earlier in the morning. For the remainder of the day, everyone was being too nice and it was beginning to get scary when piled on top of everything else he couldn't quite get off his mind from the night before.

He managed to keep his thoughts focused on the case as he got back into studying and researching information for the cold case assigned to him. It wasn't long before he was once again, in his own little world of cyber searches and reading, bolstered by the equally busy teammates who together, kept the squad room free of disturbances as they trudged through their case files. The rest of the day passed with no further incidents of strangeness so the entire incident between Tim and the boss had been soon forgotten by all of them, except for Tim.

The events from within Tim's dream seemed to be keeping him company all day, despite his earlier efforts to put those thoughts under wraps; his mind nearly tripped over itself several times in an effort to make sense of it all. He found himself casting his eyes across the room at his boss several times throughout the day, moreso than he ever would have done on a normal day. Tim was thankful that no one had called him on those moments he couldn't help but try to catch a glimpse of those eyes; needing desperately to see that he was right (or wrong) once and for all. The uncertainty; that inability to know for sure one way or the other, was driving him insane!

The day dragged on and it seemed like it took forever, but eventually, quitting time arrived and the blessed words were spoken. "Go home!"

Tim flew from the squad room, too happy and too physically drained from sitting behind his desk all day to sit still for another minute. He couldn't help but be happy that he had gotten his dog settled with his parents for their retirement two months ago. It was a great match with their big fenced in yard and their days spent at home that could now be spent with the german shepherd for companionship and protection. It had turned out good for all of them, all the way around since nowow, when he was exhausted, like tonight, he could just go home and drop off to sleep without having to worry about Jethro's needs.

It seemed to take forever to get home , but eventually, Tim made it through his door, kicked off his shoes, locked up his badge and weapon, set his alarm clock, and dropped like a dead weight onto his bed, falling instantly asleep.


	3. Chapter 2

_He's here again, he can feel it without even opening his eyes. The adrenaline is already beginning to course through his veins with an increasing timber of expectancy, his heart already starting to race in anticipation of what lies ahead. This time there is no initial panic, his thoughts already long past that fear filled moment of uncertainty, focusing only on the thought of seeing those eyes again, of feeling that touch once more, as the cloaked stranger shows him how to feel like he's genuinely desired and desirable again._

_Opening his eyes now and looking around, his heart-filled wish is met, as they meet again across the shrouded room, his cloaked companion and he. Once again, those captivating eyes are looking back at him in that way he has yet to understand, even as they draw him in and almost immediately fill him with so much want and need, it leaves him nearly begging out loud to be touched. Just as he'd hoped; it's as if they're picking up right where they left off, desire already beginning to stir from within him._

_The feeling of de-je-vu sweeps over him unexpectedly, sending a shiver up his spine while the rational part of his brain splinters away, complaining that this suddenly feels too new and too frighteningly surreal. Instantly he finds himself frozen as if witnessing this from someone else's body since he's not sure what that what he's feeling is even real or even remotely close to what his mystery man's feelings are._

_In a weird wave of emotional vulnerability that hits with his next breath, Tim feels as if every positive emotion he felt last night has just disappeared; leaving him empty and devoid of the memories. He finds himself immediately beginning to search for the answers all over again but before he can even struggle to make sense of this pendulum he seems to be swinging on, his attention is drawn to movement across the room as the cloaked figure shifts and begins to move. How should he think of this mysterious stranger? His lover? _

_Wow, that sounds so strange even as it sends a thrill to his heart. Suddenly, that wave of emptiness is gone as quickly as the distance between them is eaten up by the steps his shadowed man of mystery has just quickly taken to seal the gap. Tim remembers now, exactly how he felt when he stood here before; remembers it in vivid detail. _

_He refuses to close his eyes now, just as he had then, not wanting to miss this moment either, as once again, that beautiful and still silent mouth descends on his own in a replay of the last time he was here. Just as he'd hoped, it instantly develops into another gentle, provocative kiss, this time, a kiss he knows with absolute certainty, he'd give his last breath for. _

_It's only a minute before Tim suddenly lets go of his internal struggle for a moment and begins to give back into the powerful kiss he can't get enough of, his own mouth seeking more and now the kiss has morphed into two mouths urgently sliding and pressing together, both thirsty to drink from the other, even as his shadowed lover begins to wrap him in his strong arms and hold him without reservation. _

_The sensory part of his brain shouts for joy and demands that Tim embrace every minute of this sensual ride he doesn't want to disembark from, while disbelief at his own reckless behavior fills the sensible part of his mind also fighting to be heard._

_Having this man in his arms, kissing him, finding out what it's like to really make out with another man for the very first time as being in this place has come to mean to him, soon has his trousers uncomfortably tight, heightening the pleasure he feels beginning to rip through him Tim's lost in the moment as their lips continue meshing and dancing together, eager tongues now dueling and thrusting against each other searchingly as their passions climb to even new heights._

_He no longer feels in control of the and it's an unfamiliar feeling but then again, he's never kissed a man before either and it's feeling _**_really_**_ good. So good, Tim can't stop the moan that escapes his throat as he remains locked into the kiss._

_Once again, the rational part of his mind is calling to be heard. How can he be so wanton as to give in to this when he doesn't even know who this is making out with him in such in increasingly passionate, sensuous way? What possessed him to do it the last time? _

_Amidst the tangling of mouths and the sought after embrace, his sensory receptive mind attempts to calm the rational one, refusing to stop trying to rationalize what's happening, claiming that it has to be someone he cares about – there's no way it could be someone he didn't know and know well. Come to think of it, there's no way this is real in the first place! But, oh, God, this passionate, endless kissing! It feels like he's died and gone to heaven to be kissed like this and to be able to give back into it without fear! _

_And those eyes! It would be so easy to get lost in those pools of welcoming desire! His brain stopped mid-gear once more. Could he already know who this was? Surely this couldn't be…..."_

_Still it would be nice to just go with the flow, the pleasure seeking side of his brain somehow manages to be heard since the rest of his body has also risen to the occasion, his boxers so tight now, it's beginning to be painful. God knows it felt so right the last time and oh, man, it feels so right this time too! He somehow knows deep down inside that he's safe here. _

_Before he can think on any of this more, he's pulled even closer into the embrace that now seems to literally wrap him in a blanket of protection and appreciation, as if his mystery lover can't get enough of him. Tim can't help but melt deeper into the whole experience just as easily as he'd melted into it before. This time, his eyes close without a struggle since he's already given up control without a second thought or concern, no longer worried about any of it, too caught up in the ecstasy he's awash in._

_Tim's heart squeezes tightly for a moment at the rush of overpowering emotion that fills him with sense of being protected by his once again cloaked companion, showing him another glimpse of what it feels like to be wanted without strings. _

_It's so effortless to trust in what he's seeing. Can he trust equally as easily in what he's feeling? Or will it just become yet another dagger through the heart and hurt like hell when this dream gets ripped away from him, never to return? _

_God, I wish I could wrap myself up in this feeling and never let it go! Tim's heart cries out with both despair and longing. _

_He feels a mixed wave of disbelief and incredulousness and even intense sadness rise up so quickly he fears he'll drown in it, as that sensible part of his thinking process fires off yet another warning shot, this isn't real! It can't be real! No one EVER wants you like this!_

_Instantly, strong, yet comforting arms begin to soothe him in comforting strokes up and down his back for a long wonderful moment before returning to enfold him once more, soothing his nerves and loosening the grip of disbelief, almost as if they've read his mind. Tim buries his head into the comforting embrace, too emotionally drained and needy to fight it any longer. _

_It isn't long before his emotionally starved sensory thought patterns begin to rationalize what his physical body has already decided to quit fighting and enjoy. Who is he to look such a long sought after gift horse in the mouth? This is just a dream, right? It isn't like he's giving his heart away again. That part of himself is safe here, isn't it?_

_Tossing his inhibitions aside, Tim throws himself into the here and now, letting his passion loose for the first time ever, returning not only the kiss now, but the caressing embrace as well, his hands beginning to travel soothing paths across his mystery lover's back as he loses himself into the moment with complete abandon. _

**_**BEEP** *BEEP**BEEP** **BEEP** *BEEP****BEEP** *BEEP**_**

**_********NCIS*******_**

Once again, Tim found himself ripped from his erotic dream as he lay half-awake in bed; he blinked several times trying to assimilate himself back to the present. Wiping a shaky hand across his face, he frowned as he glanced at the noisy offensive device that had pulled him back to his lonely reality, sighing with exhaustion as his brain registered the fact that it was in fact, 5 A.M. Time to get up and face the day; leaving the dream behind; again.

He was still turned on, so much so, he didn't dare even attempt to let anything brush up against his groin now. Breathing out slowly and deliberately, he forced himself to calm down and trample down on the emotions this roller coaster ride of dreams and reality had brought out. He can't afford this time spent trying to sort through it all. Work came first and couldn't be sacrificed for the sake of trying to make sense of this mess.

In a moment of released frustration, he raised his arm up and brought it down hard on the alarm clock, effectively shutting off its racket. Closing his eyes in an attempt to pull his scattered thoughts together, Tim found himself feeling such a wave of frustration, it brought burning moisture to his eyes and he recognized that it was close to becoming an anger unwilling to be squelched.

The emotional chaos he felt in his dream seemed to have drained him even more now as he struggled with sitting up and forcing himself to get out of bed and head for the shower. Once again, he stopped in the hallway and glanced at himself in the mirror, seeing as he expected, that he was still seriously looking worn out but at least his other brain had cooled off enough that his boxers were no longer tented. With a frown, Tim turned and headed to the shower, this time determined to not let anything stop him from getting ready for work.

His normal routine needed to be ready to face the day normally only took thirty minutes, took forty-five minutes this morning and had Tim seriously close to being late by the time he could fully separate the events of his dream from the here and now and what lie ahead of him for the day enough for him to be able to drive safely. He just hoped he could continue to keep Tony out of his personal business.

*****NCIS*****

"Hey Probie, you look like you're still missing out on sleep!" Tony blurted out the minute Tim stepped off the elevator at work at 6:50 in the morning. "You're almost late again, too. Starting a new trend are we? A new look; the walking dead, maybe?"

Shocked that the older man would actually be at work before him and equally tripped up by the words of Tony's first declaration that hit right on target for the truth, it was all Tim could do to not stop and stare with his mouth dropped open. Somehow, he managed to shake his head slightly without a word while continuing on to his desk.

It wasn't Tony's fault that Tim hadn't been able to actually find restful sleep in the midst of these strangely sensual dreams that he had yet to figure out or even come to grips with.

Taking Tim's shaking head for a negative answer, Tony launched himself into full disbelief mode. "No? You're telling me the reason you don't look rested has nothing to do with your boring life full of plenty of opportunity to get sleep? No way! Do NOT tell me you look so ragged out because you were busy getting busy with a chic! No way, man."

Feeling beyond exhausted and stressed out more than usual, Tony's barb punched the wrong button for the younger man. Tim dropped his bag on the floor and stalked up to Tony until he was mere inches from his face.

"I'm not telling you any such thing, DiNozzo. But, I **am **telling you this. From now on, my sex life is none of your damned business!"

Turning away, Tim snatched up his coffee mug and stalked from the squad room, in desperate need for a fresh cup of the caffeine jolt his mind was screaming for.

"What the hell was that?" Tony asked incredulously, as he turned to look at Ziva.

Having watched the interplay between the two men, the Israeli beauty was grinning from ear to ear. That little showdown had been a long time in coming and although it hadn't been a blowup like she'd been expecting and actually looking forward to, it had still been fun to watch.

"That's what I wanna know, DiNozzo." Gibbs barked as he sauntered in and walked over to his desk without so much as a look over toward Tim's desk.

"Boss, I…" Tony stammered.

"You what, Tony? Can't speak, all of a sudden?" Gibbs smirked as he sat down and got busy going through his emails, what few of them there were.

"No, Boss, I just don't know what just happened here." Tony whined.

"It sounded to me like McGee finally told you to stop talking about his sex life, Tony." Ziva volunteered cheekily.

Gibbs glared at his Senior Field Agent from across the room.

"Boss, I…" Tony stammered.

"Is that right?" the boss wanted to know.

"I guess you could call it that." The Senior Field Agent admitted unwillingly.

"Sounds like good advice, DiNozzo." Gibbs commented before ending the conversation without another word as he picked up the phone and made a call.

*****NCIS*****

Tim returned to the squad room to find the boss on the phone and Tony sitting morosely behind his desk, looking like someone had just kicked his prized car. Ziva, on the other hand, was looking quite pleasantly satisfied and was quick to look Tim's way and smile at him encouragingly. Tim gave her back a small smile that didn't quite reach his tired eyes as he rounded his desk before he sat down and got busy going through emails and such; thereby setting the normal workday in motion once more.

It took a great deal of effort and a hell of a lot of self-discipline not to look across the room at Gibbs since the last thing Tim needed was a repeat of what had happened yesterday. His never-ending litany of thoughts still focused on those dreams continued to egg him on in spite of his determination to block them out. _Look at him, let's see those eyes again. You know you want to….you know what they do to you when you look into them. Go on! Look at him! Get him to look this way! You know you wanna get lost in those depths again! Go on!_

Shaking his head in an effort to send those troublemaking thoughts scattering to the far corners of his mind, Tim frowned. He couldn't afford this kind of distraction at work. The last thing he needed was Gibbs demanding an explanation for why he kept looking at him, the way he had yesterday. It wasn't something he could talk about, to anyone; most especially Gibbs!

Suddenly, it was as if his thoughts had rallied the troops and won the war, his eyes joining the mutiny as they traveled across the room and fixated on the boss. Luckily, Gibbs seemed completely unaware of Tim's dilemma this time, never even raising his eyes up from his work. With a small shake of his head, Tim forcibly returned his attention to his work once more, and the moment passed with no one the wiser.

Since the boss remained silently working at his desk and never once looked up or spoke to him personally, the morning passed with no incident and nothing that dragged Tim's attention away from his work. While he wasn't completely lost in his world of cyber searches this morning, he was busy enough that he remained focused on work for the remainder of the morning without any problem.

It felt like the morning would drag on forever with everything seeming to be happening in slow motion. Somehow, the day managed to progress on into the lunch hour and, desperate for the chance to get out of the office and breathe, Tim offered to make the lunch run, even offering to treat everyone to a sandwich at the local sub shop. For a change of pace and the need for help bringing back the food, Tim asked Jimmy to go with him, knowing the younger man never got to get out much and never got to spend time bonding with anyone on the team. He also knew that having someone along who would not delve into Tim's private life or push him to talk when he didn't want to would help him keep his mind away from his dreams. It would be easy to focus their conversation on things Jimmy liked to talk about. All Tim had to do was get the younger man to admit what they were.

As they talked amicably about everything from astrology to botony, the two made quick work of getting lunch brought back and it seemed to lighten the mood and the improve the pace of the day. Sure enough, it isn't but a few minutes after they'd finished eating and gotten back into their perusing of the cold cases that the phone rang and a callout came in.

"Gear up. Missing Petty Officer in Norfolk."

"Whoa, Boss. Why'd they call us?" Tony asked without seeming to think about his question.

"Might be because of the missing money he is charged with safeguarding, DiNozzo." The boss threw out there with a touch of sarcasm.

"Oh, well, yeah. That would be our jurisdiction." The Senior Field Agent answered knowingly.

"Glad it meets with your approval, Tony." Gibbs smirked at his Senior Agent's look of embarrassment.

Tim closed his eyes. If Tony is in his typical mood, this conversation would come back to bite them all in the ass and he really didn't want to be a part of it. The elevator car jolted into its' stop position and the troupe of agents all filed out and began their trek to the car lot for an agency vehicle.

"Shotgun." Tim threw out there calmly as he realized no one had called it. Three sets of eyes speared him with glares although one set quickly changed from the glare to a look of amusement and is that a touch of pride?

"Not fair." Tony griped.

"Tony, would you stop being such a baby?" Ziva demanded. "You are just angry because McGee spoke up when he realized we had not done so."

"I always ride shotgun when Gibbs drives." Tony groused.

"Have to get it like everybody else, DiNozzo." Gibbs reminded him with a smirk as they all climbed in and headed out to the crime scene.

******NCIS******

Two hours later, they found themselves loading up their gear and the criminal at the end of what turned out to be an exhausting chase for clues and solid leads. During the course of the investigation, Gibbs had sent Tony and Ziva back to NCIS for a second vehicle and had split the three agents up in different directions for questioning different persons of interests. The missing man and the missing money were eventually found by his girlfriend who was too honest to let the man get away with the theft. She immediately called Gibbs who had left his card with her earlier in the day and both sets of agents had raced to pick up the wanted man.

Upon their arrival, it was blatantly obvious that the Petty Officer wasn't going down without a fight. Before all was said and done, Tim found himself on the receiving end of the man's ire when he'd attempted to cuff the thief and if it hadn't been for Gibbs' stepping between Tim and the angry man, the younger agent would have gotten one serious kick to the ribs.

As it was, the boss was now sporting a seriously wrenched wrist, holding it up on his shoulder so it wouldn't get jarred as he stood looking his agents over to make sure none of them had gotten hurt in the melee. It had eventually taken all of them working together to get the stubborn criminal subdued and cuffed and they were all sporting at least a bruise or two, much like the time they'd taken on the Marine, Damon Worth when he'd been spaced out on steroids.

Tim was busy putting their gear back in the trunk of the car and Tony and Ziva were quite busy wrestling their dirt bag into the backseat of the agency vehicle and as Gibbs looked them over, he felt a wave of pride at their stamina and determination as well as their willingness to see that the bad guys get caught and justice is served. A commotion from the back of the car sent his attention toward his youngest agent.

McGee had already been looking pretty worn out and ragged before this case; but now, he looked downright wrung out and almost ready to fall out from exhaustion.

Tony and Ziva were both seething with anger; Tony at the probie for letting the boss get hurt; Ziva at the law breaking Petty Officer. Feeling their anger radiating off of them, Gibbs silently nodded Tony and Ziva in the direction of the second car that had arrived to transport the criminal, directing them to ride back with the guy and keep the guy in their custody. With one last glare in Tim's direction, Tony did what he was told and got in the second car with Ziva right behind him.

Gibbs handed Tim the keys without a word, and got into the passenger seat of the agency sedan. Just as silently, Tim got behind the wheel and started the car up, carefully driving them towards the Navy Yard, his attention fully on the road in front him. The first fifteen minutes of the drive home is eerily silent, with Tim feeling the weight of guilt like a ten-ton brick on his shoulders. Once again, Gibbs had gotten hurt and once again, it is Tim's fault, just like it had been when that car had knocked the boss' shoulder out when Gibbs had pushed Tim out of the way.

Stopped at a red light before the entrance ramp to the beltway, Tim found himself blinking hard to push the tears of frustration and guilt away. _God, why did someone always get hurt or killed around him? And why is it always Gibbs? He'd do anything for this man and all he ever seemed to do for him is get him hurt, for cryin' out loud! Guess he had one hell ofa head slap comin' Hell, Gibbs is probably gonna wipe the floor with him once his wrist is better! No doubt, Tony is waitin' to do just that when Tim got back to D.C._

"Knock it off, McGee." Gibbs grouched without opening his eyes or even picking his head up off the back of the seat where it lay while he rested.

"Yes, Boss." Tim answered demurely.

The worry must have come through in his voice just as it showed on his face, as the boss finally opened his eyes and looked at the younger man, meeting his gaze half way across the distance between them. With an audible sigh of obvious exhaustion, Gibbs spoke again, without letting go of Tim's gaze. "Not your fault, McGee."

With his eyes locked on those of his boss, Tim's mouth dropped and his breath hitched in his throat. Frozen in shock, he didn't notice the light turn green. The honking horns behind them finally got his attention and he turned his eyes back to the road as his brain scrambled to make sense of what can't be happening. _Those eyes! I'm not crazy_! _But, that can't be right! It's too surreal! I'm seriously overworked if my boss is following me home in my dreams!_

Never had Tim been so thankful to that he'd missed an entrance ramp to the freeway than at that very moment, as he quickly turned into the nearest gas station, desperately needing to get out of the car and take in some more air, quickly before he asphyxiated from shock. Floundering around mentally, Tim struggled with figuring out what the hell was going on with Gibbs since this was the first time he'd spoken to Tim like this without provocation. and those eyes that wouldn't stop haunting him.

As he nearly launched himself from the car almost before he had it in park, the young man never even looked back at his passenger, missing the look of concern that played out across the older man's face, his blue eyes narrowed with outright worry seldom seen.


	4. Chapter 3

Ten minutes later and Gibbs was mentally head-slapping himself for not getting his agent to talk to him about what ever was going on with him yesterday when he'd had the chance but accepted Tim's refusal to talk about it instead. Unbuckling himself, he had half-way reached for the door handle when the young man in question came back outside, coming around to the passenger side of the car and handing the boss his fresh hot coffee through the open window without so much as a single word. Gibbs knew this was not a good sign, as a silent Tim McGee is usually a seriously upset Tim McGee and if that were the case at this time, then it is the boss' fault.

"Sorry about the delay, Boss." Tim meekly offered without looking over at him, as he started the car back up and got them going back on the road again.

Rather than turn this into a bigger problem, Gibbs remained silent, hoping his agent would take the normal silence from him in stride. Within a minute, Tim's breathing had evened out and he actually seemed to relax into his seat more while he drove, obviously doing just what the boss had hoped.

The remainder of the ride was silent one with Tim keeping his eyes glued to the road while Gibbs kept his closed as he rested and actually enjoyed the peaceful quiet and good driving. Even when they finally reached the Navy Yard, Tim had nothing to say, his eyes still glued to the road. Finally, even the man who enjoyed silence more than most people couldn't handle the problem with this unnatural silence from his youngest agent for another minute. As the car slid into the parking spot, he spoke. "McGee."

Turning toward his boss as soon as he'd put the car in park and turned it off, Tim looked at him expectantly, waiting for the shoe to drop. He knew he'd been seriously withdrawn since the gas station, but he hadn't known how else to handle the shock in such close quarters. He'd done what he could to get his head back into the game. After all, he had the rest of the workday to get through. "Boss?"

Sighing in frustration, the boss changed gears, waiting to speak until he got out of the car, using that moment to rethink the situation first. Now wasn't the time for this discussion. Quickly, he snatched another topic out of thin air, seemingly on a moment's notice. "Don't let anyone rag on your driving. Nothin' wrong with it." Gibbs nearly growled as he began walking toward the building.

"Thanks, Boss." Tim answered quietly as he quickly caught up to Gibbs, falling into step with him as they silently walked to the employee parking garage elevator. Suddenly, the silence almost felt normal again.

*******NCIS******

The rest of the workday passed with little conversation in the squad room and plenty of anger still simmering between Tony and his probie. Tim understood that Tony was reacting like he always did when Gibbs got hurt and he hadn't been around to play superhero and stop it, like he'd been able to do with Maddie Tyler's case when she and Gibbs both would have drowned if Tony hadn't been there to get them both out of the submerged car.

Just like the last time Gibbs had gotten hurt protecting Tim from that car by pushing him out of the way, Tony was once again blaming Tim. But this time the younger man refused to make an issue of it in front of the boss. After all, Gibbs had made the effort to tell Tim he wasn't to blame. Somehow, hearing those words from the boss hadn't quite smothered the fire of guilt burning in his gut. He agreed with the principle of Tony's thinking so it made more sense to accept the responsibility.

It **was** Tim's fault that the boss had gotten hurt again. Just like it had been his fault the time before that. Truth be told, only the boss' words to Tim, stuck on constant replay in his mind, were keeping him from slipping into the giant guilt trip that seemed to be waiting to welcome him into its' murky depths just beyond his reach.

"_Not your fault, McGee."_

Oddly enough, Tim likened that to Gibbs intervening on his behalf yet again. After all, there was no denying that the boss' words on repeat in his head **were **making that difference. He wondered how much of that was because of those eyes that came with the voice. _Wow, where did that come from?_

******NCIS******

With everyone's case reports written up and the case officially put to bed, Gibbs was genuinely relieved to be able to cut the team loose much earlier than usual so they could unwind and catch up on rest, warning them to "stay on-call until five, when the day officially ends."

Watching them head out with Tony and Ziva heading out together leaving Tim trailing far enough behind that the elevator had already left him, the boss remained unsettled with his youngest agent's demeanor ever since the incident at the gas station. Realistic and unwilling to make further waves, Gibbs had every intention of leaving the younger man alone to work through whatever was knocking around in that brain of his, alone. _No. He needs to know I can see he's in trouble._

"McGee!" Gibbs called out just as the young man was stepping onto the elevator with several other people.

Sighing with frustration, Tim stepped back off the elevator and waved the others on, not wanting them to have to wait on him. Silently, he trudged back to the boss' desk and waited for this shoe to drop. He wasn't sure he was up to another shock, but really didn't have a choice, since this was the boss.

"Something on your mind, McGee?" Gibbs asked seriously.

"I'm okay, Boss. Thanks." Is all Tim offered as he struggled to hide his shock that the boss cared enough to ask.

"Yeah?" Gibbs pushed.

"I'm fine. Really." Tim attempted to convince him.

"You've been acting funny last couple a days, McGee. Starin' at me, keepin' to yourself more than usual and even goin' off on DiNozzo. Both Tony and Abby have complained that somethin's buggin' you and you won't talk to them about it. I need glasses to read, doesn't make me blind, McGee."

Tim sighed as he struggled to think on how to handle this without blurting everything out. Didn't anyone understand he COULDN'T talk about this? After all, there was the good ole DA/DT in full force around here. Not to mention the older, yet no more appreciated jokes from a ways back about Tim being gay because Tony found out he used body lotion, got a manicure and took baths.

That was one topic of conversation; he NEVER wanted to have with Tony again! Tim had never forgotten what Kate had told him about Tony telling some of the employees at the Agency that Tim was gay just to cut Tim out of the dating pool within the hallowed walls of NCIS, either.

No, he definitely couldn't talk to anyone about it. Who would take him seriously about these dreams of his, anyway? Besides, he was still trying to figure out what 'it' was anyway, He knew that while the boss was not homophobic; he was a hard-core marine and most likely did not support the idea of a gay relationship, even if Tim hadn't even made that leap yet.

Tim refused to put Ducky in the middle by confiding in him, causing the kindly older man to have to keep such a thing from his longtime friend, the boss, would not be right. Silence was all Tim had to get him through this troubled time as he tried to sort through this craziness his dreams had brought down on him.

"I'm handling it, Boss." Tim offered quietly so his answer wouldn't be misconstrued as disrespectful.

Gibbs looked at him for a long silent minute. Finally, he appeared to be satisfied enough to let it drop. "Okay."

Tim nodded in thanks and turned to walk away.

Surprisingly enough he was stopped by a hand clamping supportively down on his shoulder. "McGee. Don't forget, my door's always open." The boss' face now clearly showed he knew there was more going on than Tim was sharing, but short of letting him know he was there for him, wasn't going to push any harder. He was trusting Tim to open up before whatever it was got to be too much for him to handle alone.

Tim blinked in surprise at the quiet tone that for some reason suddenly sent a shiver up his spine and seemed to be leaving him just a tad bit breathless. Part of his brain wondered why he'd be surprised to hear this rare offer of support from the man after the little meeting they'd had about this yesterday. Swallowing hard, Tim looked up at the older man and offered his thanks, his voice shaky at best since he was still trying to process everything he could see in the man's expression and read in his voice's inflection.

"Thanks, Boss. Is there anything else?" He was smart enough to know there was much more being said here than the words themselves and Tim was trying hard not to miss any of it, his eyes now scrutinizing the boss as carefully as the man himself usually did his agents.

"Nope. Go on, get outta here." Gibbs replied offhandedly, seeing his agent thrown for a loop for some inexplicable reason.

"Nite, Boss." The younger man said as he turned and headed back out of the squad room, suddenly anxious to be gone.

Watching him go, Gibbs could only shake his head in wonder and uncertainty. _What to do from here?_

*****NCIS*****

Another dream filled night; this time an exact repeat of the two dreams that had rocked his world before with those unmistakable piercing blue eyes and that mouth that made love to his own so wholly and passionately, along with those arms whose strength as they held him tight, still brought tears to his eyes, soon had Tim awake and completely frustrated. Looking over at the alarm clock when he'd been roughly yanked from the second attempt at sleeping in one night, Tim realized it was, once again, only three A.M. Letting out a deep frustrated sigh, he got out of bed and shuffled over to his computer, powering it up and shuffling off to the kitchen to start his coffee while he waited for the cyber world to open up for him.

Maybe it was time to do some checking into this idea. His dreams had filled his head with more than just the notion now he was ready to find out what that meant to really travel down that road. There were so many questions he needed answers to: _How something like a relationship between two men could even happen. What did two men do for each other; to each other? Where is it this could go, exactly?_ There were more but he'd start with finding the answers to those. He had ideas, after all, he wasn't an idiot, but he had to admit he was definitely a newbie in this area.

And that was something he wanted to change real quick. He needed to know everything because from what he'd dreamed, it was certainly worth trying out. A part of his brain scoffed at the idea that he would think of this like trying on a shirt and casting it aside when he decided he didn't like it. Relationships didn't work like that. _Research. That's what he needed to do. Research his options. _Suddenly, he couldn't surf the web or read fast enough.

*****NCIS*****

Two hours and an entire pot of coffee later, Tim was in shock. He'd searched site after site and wound up with more information than he knew what to do with; of stories and clubs and more. Bookmarking the sites he needed to read up more on, Tim shut down his computer and headed off to the shower. Somehow all this research had opened his eyes to so many possibilities in the world of getting involved in a relationship with another man, that as he stood underneath the soothing spray of the hot shower, Tim made the decision that he wanted to find a way to do follow up on at least some of what he'd learned while he should have been sleeping.

*****NCIS*****

Wearily trudging his way into work just five minutes before the official start of the work day, Tim wasn't really surprised to find the boss glaring at him for a long minute, this time those eyes far from mesmerizing. As Tim set his backpack down under his desk and swiveled in his chair so he could power up his work station, the first axe of probably what was to be many, fell.

"McGee! With me!"

With a resigned sigh, Tim quietly got back up out of his chair and followed the boss to the elevator. Knowing he was heading for 'the boss' office', had Tim's gut clenched even as he continued on, unwilling to do anything to make it worse for himself or a scene for the team. The day hadn't even started yet and already he was in trouble. That certainly didn't bode well for the remainder of the day. The talk they'd had the night before had already slipped away into the land of forgotten memories after all the learning he'd been doing for the past several hours. It probably would have served him better if he hadn't been so quick to forget that talk.

As he expected, no sooner had to elevator doors closed and the box begin to descend to another floor, did Gibbs flip the switch, throwing the elevator into its' stop position. Tim had braced himself but still felt the flip/flop of his stomach and had to swallow hard to settle himself down.

"Last chance, McGee. What's goin' on with you?" Gibbs demanded in that quiet yet 'don't even think about not telling me the truth' tone.

Tim swallowed hard and barely touched glances with the man, too sensitized to what meeting those eyes head on had been doing to his libido lately, even if he was wrong and those eyes in his dreams didn't belong to this man; the similarities was just too uncanny. "Just havin' trouble sleeping, Boss."

"Why?"

"Dreams." Tim admitted quietly but refused to elaborate further. He wasn't sure why he admitted to that much as it was.

Gibbs watched his youngest agent struggle to stay quiet while equally struggling to answer the questions. He wanted Tim to open up and let him in, but knew that wouldn't happen until Tim was ready. Again, the time hadn't come yet for that to happen.

More importantly, as exhausted as the young man obviously was on his feet, Tim was now a liability in the field and Gibbs hated it when his agents let themselves get out of synch like this. He counted on them always being at there best and this worn out, barely awake excuse for an agent wasn't even a subject he wanted to get started on. But, this time, he had no choice. Tim needed a wake-up call.

"Go see Ducky. Consider yourself on desk duty until he tells me otherwise." The stern tone of his voice lent no chance that his disappointment would be missed.

Gibbs flipped the elevator switch back on and wordlessly returned to the squad room, leaving Tim in the elevator, until that is, the young man took himself from the front elevator to the back stairs without a word to anyone.

"Boss?" Tony questioned, too curious and restless after all this toeing the line stuff and staying relatively quiet for the past two days. He'd watched his probie progressively show up more worn out and almost miserable as the week wore on; not to mention going off on Tony the way Tim had and now this.

"Talk to him later, DiNozzo. Cases won't get done by themselves." The boss ordered without looking up from his work.

Without the encouragement to keep the conversation going, it was clear that the boss wasn't in the mood to let anything more be said about whatever it was going on with their teammate.

*****NCIS*****

Tim nearly flinched when he realized that Ducky wasn't alone in Autopsy when he arrived on the tails of Gibbs' aggrieved conversation with him; or had it been a lecture? Either way, Tim's day had just taken a serious nose-dive. It was never a good feeling when the boss was disappointed in you and with the man plaguing Tim's dreams in the erotic sense, it was seriously muddling Tim's brain at the moment; making him more sensitive to it all. Carrying the weight of that disappointment on his shoulders, he trudged into Autopsy without a word of greeting to either occupant.

"Timmy!" Abby squealed as she nearly flew across the room at him, engulfing him in one of her 'Abby-hugs'. "Where have YOU been?" she asked him loudly. "You have not been to see me all week!"

"Yeah, Abbs. I know. Couldn't wait to complain to Gibbs about it, could you?" Tim griped, still feeling the sting of the boss' lecture on the subject mere minutes ago.

"Timothy!" Ducky admonished him sternly as Abby smacked him hard on the arm.

"Ow! What was _that_ for?" Tim demanded angrily.

"That's what you get for being mean! What is WITH you? Why wouldn't I tell Gibbs that I'm worried about you? He's your team leader!" Abby demanded in turn.

"Funny, last time I said something to someone about being worried about **you**, you got mad at me and called it _gossip_." Tim replied still in snit.

"What is your problem, **McGee**?" Abby demanded even more pissed off.

Tim stopped cold, no longer willing to verbally spar with her. Abby would never admit to her double standards, he knew that. It was better just to step back, offer an apology and let her go on her way. It was the only way he'd survive this skirmish. He was sorry he was taking it out on Abby, but her deliberate avoidance of his point was not helping his mood. Either way, he still owed her an apology.

"Abby, I'm sorry. I'm just really tired and haven't been able to sleep lately." He offered sincerely.

"Doesn't get you off the hook, McGee, you shouldn't have avoided me." Abby griped petulantly.

"I don't understand why you couldn't just talk to me first." He threw at her, angered anew that she would use her status as Gibbs' favorite to cause trouble for him like that with the boss.

"Maybe because you've been avoiding me all week, McGee!" She replied hotly.

"Like you've been avoiding me? How many times have you called me or come up to the squad room, Abby?" Tim was angered once more that she hadn't even attempted to accept his apology. All the same, he offered one more attempt to defend himself. "I've been busy with work!"

The Forensic Tech glared at him with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"You know what?" Tim muttered dejectedly as he stepped around Abby towards the silently watchful M.E. "I can't do this right now. Ducky, can I talk to you, please?"

"Certainly, Timothy. Abigail, if you'll excuse us, please, I believe you have the answer you've been seeking now?" The M.E. gently dismissed Abby, knowing Tim wanted to talk to him alone.

Abby stomped angrily from the room, "Don't think we're done having this conversation, McGee, because we're not!"

As the Autopsy doors hissed closed behind her, Tim let his breath out he hadn't even realized he'd been holding in. "Whew"

"I must say, Timothy. I don't recall ever hearing you respond quite so angrily to Abigail before."

"She ratted me out to Gibbs. Now he's mad at me. I'm just tired of her using her status as his favorite to do end runs around us like that, Ducky." Tim complained.

"What you are, young man, is tired. Jethro has already phoned me and explained the situation to me. I can see where his concern is coming from and I can see that he is correct to be so concerned. Before I even begin to monitor your vital signs, I will say that you _will _remain on desk duty for the remainder of the week, dear boy. While I completely understand your dislike of being on the receiving end of Jethro's ire, it is, as you have just admitted, not without merit this time. Your behavior towards Abigail is further proof of such and I believe you will agree once you have had adequate rest with which to think clearly."

"I know." Tim guiltily conceded all of Ducky's points in general He knew the M.E. was seldom wrong about these things. "Guess it's my own fault, anyway."

"What do you mean, Timothy?" the M.E. inquired as he dug out his blood pressure cuff and put it around the younger man's arm and applied the pressure to air it up accordingly.

"Been having trouble sleeping. If I'd just gone ahead and taken some over the counter sleep aid, I probably would be fine. I just hate taking them." The younger man dejectedly admitted to the one person who remotely stood a chance of helping the situation improve, even if it was just by giving him something to help him sleep restfully.

"Ah, yes. Jethro mentioned your explanation for your trouble sleeping was due to dreams. Timothy, you do realize that you can always come to me and we could try to discuss the dreams and see if there is a way to deal with them without you having to take the sleep aid you don't like." Ducky gently admonished him.

"Don't wanna be a bother." The young man defended his earlier choice not to confide in the M.E.

"I'd venture that there is much more to your reasoning than that; but I'll leave you your privacy, young man." Ducky surmised reasonably with no sign of feeling put out at Tim's refusal to confide in him before now.

"Sorry." Tim offered quietly with yet more guilt.

"There is nothing at all to apologize for, Timothy. The need to keep something intensely private; just that, is perfectly understandable."

Tim nodded silently as Ducky set the stethoscope to his chest to listen to his breathing.

"Thank you."

"However, surely you must realize by now, that keeping it all locked away is often times more detrimental to us than asking someone to help us muddle through and aid us in making sense of whatever it is that is weighing us down, Timothy?"

"I can't talk about this." Tim denied."

"Timothy…"

"No one would understand, they'd think I was crazy, Ducky."

"Now you know better than that."

"Except you, I know, but you….even if you didn't make fun of me for it, it would put you in an awkward position and I don't want to do that to you."

"Ah, I see. While I'm puzzled by your at least partial belief that I would poke fun at your for whatever this is, perhaps we should allow me to make the decision for myself, dear boy?" The M.E.'s tone was sympathetic with no trace of recrimination.

"I guess. But I can't explain it or talk about it here." Tim conceded. Of course, the kindly older man would want to hear the crux of the problem at least, before allowing anyone to continue to muddle through in silence if he had become aware of the sleep they were losing over it. Tim should have been prepared for this; but he hadn't thought Ducky would have been able to through Tim's defenses like this and was ill-prepared to keep him at bay any longer.

"Perhaps we should talk about this later? Why don't you come to dinner at my house and we'll talk about it then? Let's see if we can't do something about this problem you're having, alright?" The genuine offer could not be turned down.

"Thanks, Ducky. I'll think about it. Guess I need to go back up to work now." Tim surmised with a touch of regret, considering the way Gibbs had shown his disappointment in him earlier. There was no way of knowing what Tim would be walking into up there now.

"Yes, I suppose you should. And I would like for you to drink plenty of water today and do make sure you eat a full, healthy lunch as well, young man. Here, take this document I've just signed on up to Jethro and everything should be fine."

"Thanks again, Ducky. For everything." Tim offered with a genuine smile of gratitude as he headed back up to work.

*****NCIS*****

"Thanks, Duck." Gibbs offered into his desk phone receiver before setting it back down on the cradle, watching as Tim returned to the squad room, walking directly up to Gibbs and handing him the signed form Gibbs had been expecting.

After a minute of genuinely looking the document over, Gibbs glanced at his now nervous agent and gestured with his head for Tim to return to his desk, silently handing him a folder at the same time. Tim took the folder, silently nodded in response to the boss' silent order, and returned to his desk without further discussion. Even Tony and Ziva kept mum as work was once again resumed wordlessly as the MCRT got down to the business of trying to solve cold cases.


	5. Chapter 4

The end of this work day came like any other, quietly and without fanfare as Gibbs looked up from his work and removed his reading glasses. He sighed with exhaustion and rubbed at the soreness the nose pads always caused when wearing the frames for a long time. He made a decision there and then knowing that they had been at it for far too long as it was and damn, if he was bone weary then his team sure as hell had to be. "Go home!"

Watching as his agents closed down their work stations and hitched their gear bags up on their shoulders almost in complete synchronization with each other, Gibbs wondered if they all didn't need to catch up on some sleep. Now that he was taking a minute to look them over, he could see the signs he hadn't noticed before. The beginnings of circles under their eyes and their slightly drooping shoulders along with their lackluster goodbye' and slow pace all seemed to add up to that problem.

Not wanting them to squander this chance to get some of that much needed sleep, the boss stood up and garnered his team's attention in his trademark way. "DiNozzo!"

As Gibbs' holler reached the trio from across the first floor, they all stopped and turned back to look at the man who'd issued the directive.

"Boss?" Tony asked in slight confusion.

"Don't even think of doin' anything but goin' home to get some sleep! Any of ya's!"

The trio of 'yes, Boss's that assaulted his ears gave him comfort since he knew none of them would disobey the order. Without a backwards glance at his once again retreating team, Gibbs picked up his coffee cup and headed out of the squad room in search of a fresh cup of coffee and the voice of reason he long ago learned to pay heed to.

"Ah, Jethro, what brings you to these depths, my friend? Your team has no active case at the moment, I believe."

"Nope. Just sent 'em home."

Ducky looked at the clock on his wall in amazement. "I believe that must be a first for you. I don't think you have ever sent your team home so early before."

"They needed the down time. Gave 'em orders to go home and sleep."

"Ah, I see. A strategic plan in the works after all. Very Team Leader of you." Ducky smiled as Gibbs flashed a genuine smile in return.

"Take that as a compliment." Gibbs allowed.

"As well you should. Now then, if your visit is not case related, then perhaps it is the conversation we touched on earlier between our troubled young agent and our Forensic Scientist that brings you to me for some sort of explanation?"

"Uh-uh. Just wanna know if we should be forcing McGee to take a day off."

"Jethro, if I believed that it was necessary, I would have already alerted you to as much. Timothy simply needs a good hot meal or two and a decent night's sleep. Which reminds me, he promised to think about coming to dinner at my house this evening. I do wonder if he's forgotten."

"Not likely, Duck. He'll probably be sittin' in your driveway when you get home." Gibbs joked with a smirk.

"Hmm. Equally not as likely, because our young man knows my address as well as he does yours and I am pained to say, that information is sketchy at best."

"He's been to my house."

"How many times?" Ducky asked with a knowing smirk.

"He's been there at least twice that I can think of. Hell, Duck, he drove me back and forth to work for a week just last year!" The Team Leader reminded his friend.

"And for what reason have the occasions been that he was at your residence?" The M.E. pushed with all seriousness.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?" Gibbs growled.

"Trust me, Jethro, it has very much to do with the state of mind Timothy was in and whether or not he can trust his recollections from that time period enough to get him to your home if he ever needed to talk to you as you have offered him to."

"You know why he was there, Duck."

"That is exactly my point, my dear friend. Both of the times he was at your home were case related, distracting Timothy from the details of your actual address and location, especially given the fact that he did not drive himself there on either occasion. As I recall, one of those occasions was after dark, as well."

Gibbs blinked. He hadn't ever realized that. He'd always assumed Tim would have been among the first to know where he lived with his computer access abilities and all.

Ducky watched his friend process that information for a minute before he continued on: "Additionally, Jethro, that week he was privileged enough to find himself welcome to your home, it was, as you stated, to help you while injured and as we both know he was exhausted that entire week. I doubt very seriously that if asked at this time, where you reside, he would be able to recall such information."

The younger man's blank look was almost comical, causing Ducky to let loose a small smile. "Yes, I wondered if you thought it through when you advised him the other day that your open door policy included him." The M.E. remarked offhandedly.

Gibbs voiced his irritation at this conversational track. "There a point in there somewhere, Dr. Mallard?"

"Of course. I simply wondered if you when you expressed that offer to him," the M.E. remarked offhandedly. "You made sure to give him your address?"

"McGee's running to you now?" Gibbs asked incredulously.

"Absolutely not, Jethro! I'm appalled that you would even entertain such a notion even for a moment! I happened to be passing through from the back elevator to the front and overheard your conversation. Nothing more."

Gibbs blinked as he pulled his thoughts back together. He had gone out on a limb just then, actually thinking Tim would do something like that. He knew and trusted Tim better than that. Finally, he recalled something that would put this conversation to rest in a way that made sense.

"Duck, it's McGee. You know as well as I do he'll GPS your damn address and find a way to get there. He'd find his way to my place if he wanted to bad enough." Gibbs' tone was the epitome of impatience

"Oh, Jethro." Ducky gently admonished.

"Ducky, I did not come down here for a lecture! Do we need to make him take a day off or not?"

"As I stated earlier, my friend, that will not be necessary, provided Timothy is able to eat adequately to serve his body's nutritional needs and get the sleep he needs. Speaking of which, I really must call him and remind him of our earlier conversation." Ducky stated as he dug out his cell phone and dialed the speed dial number for the agent in question.

As the phone began to ring, the M.E. put his end of the conversation on speakerphone while he put his hands to work straightening up his desk and signing paperwork so he could close up and head home.

_"Hey, Ducky. I haven't forgotten."_ Tim's quiet voice rang out through the quiet autopsy suite.

"Wonderful. How does dinner at 7 sound?"

_"Like you weren't planning on giving me a choice?"_ Tim asked dryly.

"Timothy, be a good lad and do not fight me on this, alright? You have already agreed with me that you need at least one full night of rest and I intend to see that you get it. It is, after all, only Wednesday and there are still two workdays left for you to get through before you have the weekend off to rest more fully." The M.E. gently admonished as he fought not to laugh at Tim's attempt at humor within the stressful situation.

_"I know, Ducky and I appreciate it. Really. I'll be there."_ Their renowned gentleman was back in good form with the genuine manners the response was full of.

"Timothy, are you alright to drive?"

_"I'm on the bus. I didn't drive in today."_

_"_Very good, lad. Do remember to think about letting me in on whatever's bothering you so you might find some peace about it."

_"I'm still thinking that over."_ Tim honestly answered him a tad bit defensively.

_"_All right, my friend. I won't push. I'll expect you at 7."

_"Thanks again, Ducky."_

_"_You are quite welcome dear boy. I shall see you shortly."

_"Okay. Do you want me to bring anything?" _Tim asked softly. He already knew the answer but didn't want to turn up empty handed.

"Not a thing, Timothy. Just bring yourself."

Tim chuckled lightly. _"Alright. Thanks Ducky. Bye."_

As the call was disconnected, the silence seemed to taunt Gibbs with its' emptiness as if to allow the haunting words of the conversation just ended to reverberate through Gibbs' head. Unable to shrug the bad feeling he had developed in the pit of his stomach about whatever was going on with his youngest agent, he did the only thing he could do; made for the exit, leaving the expert to handle the situation.. "Lemme know how it goes, will ya, Duck?

"Certainly, Jethro. You would do well to remember what I told you earlier in the day, my friend. Our young man needs our help not our censure. It matters not that he is unwilling to let you in at the moment. It only matters that you continue to allow him to see that you will not give up on making yourself available to him; so that when such time comes that he does allow himself to confide in you; he will know without a doubt that he still has that option!"

Gibbs had stopped moving toward the door as soon as Ducky had started speaking again and now stood contemplating his friend from across the room. Although the older man usually took the long way around a short conversation, the point had still been received and understood. "I hear ya, Duck. All I can do is try."

"Yes, my friend, I agree. I can only hope you continue to do so."

"Workin' on it, Duck." Gibbs conceded as he left out. "Nite!"

"Good night, Jethro." The M.E. spoke into the now empty air, a deep sigh leaving out of his lungs on the tail end of his words. With a frown, he realized he hadn't even remembered to inquire as to how his friend's wrist was doing; whether or not it was still hurting him since he'd hurt it just the day before. Vowing to do so after he'd gotten home and gotten dinner started, Ducky felt a little better about the unintended slight he'd committed.

Looking around him, he saw that everything had been tidied to his satisfaction and he could now head home and prepare dinner for himself and his expected guest. He found himself hoping that tonight would prevail itself to much more conversation than what was usually provided for the young man at the heart of his concern. All Ducky could do was try. It was a good thing that one thing the M.E. had plenty of; was patience. Something told him he would need every ounce of that commodity before this situation was resolved.

******NCIS******

Thursday morning dawned bright and cheerfully full of singing birds, even at the impolite hour of five in the morning. Getting ready for work as usual, Ducky had to smile as he recalled the way dinner turned out the previous evening.

There had been a moment or two throughout the evening when the M.E. had found himself rather put out with his own errors in judgment; such as when Tim had admitted the only way he'd found Ducky's house had been because he'd asked Jimmy for the address and directions. Getting Tim to agree to spend the night in his guest bedroom had taken a little doing; but with a promise of a ride back to his apartment in the morning, the young man had given in and even offered a smile when Ducky had placed a before dinner drink in his hand.

Tim had smirked. "You're a doctor and you're offering your patient alcohol?"

The older man had smiled in return. "Yes, well, in this case, I believe the patient has earned the privilege."

Tim had returned the smile genuinely; the brightness of it lighting up the room enough that it had lightened Ducky's heart about getting to the bottom of the young man's difficulties.

After dishing up the beef stew that Ducky had left cooking in the slow cooker all day, the M.E. had encouraged Tim to get comfortable at the kitchen table and they'd shared a quiet dinner without any talk of problems or even work. With joint effort, the cleanup from dinner had taken mere minutes and they had retired to the study to sit in comfortable easy back chairs, the time for conversation that had been expected, finally at hand.

Ducky had still been bothered by the young man's words from earlier in the day, as they'd come back to him in that after dinner silence

_"...even if you didn't make fun of me for it, it would put you in an awkward position and I don't want to do that to you."_

He had felt the need to get the young man to explain at least that much even if he wouldn't talk about anything else that was bothering him. Somehow, the M.E. had known that the answer to why he had said that was the answer to what was bothering him. Ducky had taken a deep breath and opened up the conversation.

"Timothy, would you mind telling me why you would believe for a moment that I would, as you stated, make fun of you for whatever it is that's been bothering you?"

Tim had taken a deep breath of his own, glanced at the M.E. and then sent his eyes back down to the floor at his feet before answering quietly in the form of a question.

"You remember that case with the gang members and the marine who were all killed by that double crossing gang member and then found frozen in the pond?"

"Yes, I believe I remember it quite well. As I recall, it was one of our joint cases with our esteemed FBI Agent, Fornell. Our lady agents were quite lucky that dreadful evening when that slime ball was unable to take them out; though it certainly wasn't for lack of trying."

"Yeah. I know. But, I'm talking about the stuff flyin' through the rumor mill earlier the day we landed that case: when Tony went snooping through my desk and found the lotion?" Tim clarified as he recalled, nearly word for word, the memory that had remained a part of him and had brought him to the decision to hold everything about this inside.

_***FLASHBACK***_

_"Apricot oil, aloe Vera... Shea butter?" Tony hollered out in mockery._

_"I didn't know you were so interested in skin care." Ziva remarked in her effort to make fun of him in return._

_"Yeah, it's not mine. It's McGee's. Maybe the Probie is gay" Tony replied derisively enough there was no doubt he was seriously not claiming any kinship to his supposition.._

_"I'm not gay, Tony." Tim argued as he returned to the squad room and yanked his lotion out of Tony's hand, shoving it back into his desk drawer._

_"Are you saying there's something wrong with being gay, Timothy?" Ziva asked in genuine interest. _

_"No, that is not what I am saying." Tim defended himself,_

_"Bi-curious. I suppose now you're gonna tell us that a lot of your friends are of the homosexual persuasion and that I should be more sensitive." Tony mocked with all seriousness._

"_No, actually, I was going to tell you to stay out of my desk. " Tim replied angrily._

_"Right, because you wouldn't want word spreading that you're (READING) "Deep moisturizing to bring out your feminine glow." Tony laughed. _

_"I have dry skin, okay? My doctor recommended it" Tim attempted to explain himself. _

_"Ha! Well, you're walking a slippery slope there, Probilitious. Before you know it you're going to be taking bubble baths with your clogs on." Tony replied in complete seriousness._

"_What is wrong with bubble baths? Tim asked in genuine confusion._

_"I'm just saying, Probie, the whole metrosexual thing isn't working for you."_

_"I got it, Tony. Joke's over " Tim stated seriously, now fed up with the whole conversation._

_"I'm not joking, man. We all know that the ladies love a macho man who is in touch with his feminine side. But I've got to tell you, I think you're coming off... a little gay."_

_"Because he uses body lotion and likes to take bubble baths? I.." Ziva tried to defend Tim's silence._

_"Did you forget the manicure?"_ _Tony snidely threw in._

_"The manicure was only once and it was because I tore a cuticle" Tim was getting snappy now, his anger rising quickly.._

_"You just set off gay-dar across the entire Atlantic seaboard." The Senior Field Agent instructed him with all sincerity._

_"Tony, I am not gay!" Tim was nearing the end of his allotment of patience.._

_"This isn't about orientation. This is about image." Tony reminded the clueless probie.___

_"So, now your image is homo-pubic?" Ziva asked with all due seriousness.___

_Tony was quick to correct the point made in error. "The term is 'homophobic'' And no. Prejudice of any kind is an ugly thing. Listen, girls like guys who like guys but they like guys who like guys who like-"_

___***END FLASHBACK***__  
_  
Oh, dear, Timothy! You actually recall that entire conversation? The M.E. had exclaimed in surprise.

"Yeah," Tim had answered as if it were no big deal to remember a conversation from several years back, in that much detail. "Kinda left an imprint on me about what they thought of the whole 'being okay with gay' attitude was concerned."

"Oh, dear. What I recall is hearing from Jethro how he was quite amused at overhearing that particular conversation. He could hardly keep a straight face as he relayed it to me later in the day." Ducky had informed the younger man at that point.

"I figured that was how you heard about it. No wonder he was making fun of me right alongside Tony." Tim griped as he shared that memory, as well.

_"Is something wrong, Boss?" Tim asked nervously as the boss stood staring at him while they rode the elevator down to the front entrance._

_"Just admiring your feminine glow" Gibbs answered back almost offhandedly, leaving no room for doubt that he'd heard the conversation between Tim and Tony and was making fun of Tim for it.. _

"Timothy, do not for a moment believe Jethro is even on the same level of poking fun at people as Anthony." Ducky had been quick to gently admonish the young man.

"I know, Ducky. But, it snowballed from there and before it was over, every one of you except for Abby and Jimmy were making fun of me for it in one way or another." Tim's answer had been quiet yet defensive.

"I was unaware you had counted myself among that crew of those who were doing so." Ducky had surmised sadly,

"I guess, it just really hit like a punch to the gut to hear you join in on it, too." Had been the younger man's answer as he recounted what he remembered of that rather short conversation

_" ... Is that aftershave I smell?" The M.E. inquired_  
_. _  
_"Old Spice. I had to shave mid-day" Tim replied casually._

_"Yes, I've heard about your infatuation with ... lotions." Ducky smirked as he watched the young agent blush furiously._

"Yes, I can see where my words could have been taken as such. I was afraid then that my comments would indeed be misconstrued. I do so apologise, Timothy. The subject never arose again, otherwise I would have clarified what I meant on the matter. I promise you, my friend that my intention was never to poke fun in such a way that it would lead you to mistrust me as someone you could confide in." Ducky had been quick to earnestly offer on the heels of that reminder of that specific conversation.

"Thanks for that, Ducky. Believe it or not, it does help, even now." Tim's acceptance of the M.E.'s apology had been expected but welcomed just the same.

"Then I am glad we had this talk. I presume that this is also the topic of the dreams that have been keeping you awake at night?" Ducky had pushed things along in hopes of getting Tim to continue opening up and stop holding it all inside where it was costing him much more than lost sleep.

"In a roundabout way." Tim had attempted to dodge the question.

"Timothy, why don't you just tell me what the trouble is? Perhaps I can help. I certainly will not make fun, no matter what the situation might be." Ducky had earnestly vowed.

Tim had taken a deep breath and slowly let it out. Finally, for the first time in that entire conversation, he'd allowed himself to look over at the M.E. as he quietly spoke from the depths of his problem-ridden heart. "I think I'm gay, after all."

*****NCIS*****

Ducky smiled wistfully as he heard his guest rustling around getting ready to face the day. Hearing the young man's confession of what his dreams had been leading him to believe had shaken the M.E. but had also given him an insight as to why Tim's trust in him had been on shaky ground without him ever having known it. It had done the older man's heart good when Tim once again allowed Ducky to be the keeper of that trust. He would not let the young man down this time.

After hearing what Tim wanted him to know of the situation, which, admittedly had been lacking in the intimate details of his dreams, Ducky had been quick to reassure the young man that there was nothing wrong with him, and that he was not going crazy. While it was troubling when one's mind did lead them on a new path of thought and learning, it did not necessarily mean the world, as they knew it was coming to an end. It simply meant, it was time to expand their horizons.

Hearing Tim admit he'd already given plenty of thought to doing just that and was actually looking forward to it; Ducky had been hard pressed to ask the question of what was the real problem if he'd already worked that much out for himself.

The wistful smile on the M.E.'s face was there now because of the answer Tim had given to that question last night. An answer that had blown the older man's socks off; but was now, after some time to think on it, actually beginning to make sense and even bring a spirit of hope to the situation. Even now, he could still hear the final words that had been spoken in that conversation.

_"Timothy, if you have worked all of this out for yourself, dear boy, what seems to be the trouble? Why is it you are losing sleep over this repetitive dream of yours?"_

_"Because, Ducky. The person in the dream with me... The person making love to me in my dreams -." Tim stopped, shaking his head. "I can't_. _Can we just let it go please?"_

As Timothy enters the kitchen now, the question foremost on the M.E.'s mind slips out unfettered. "Are you afraid to tell me who it is?" The older man's sympathetic glance was trained on the young man looking back at him with complete seriousness.

"More like afraid of jinxing things the minute I say it." Tim admitted quietly. . "It's not like I've seen their face, anyway; only their eyes. So I really shouldn't be guessing like this anyway. Still... I can't help but feel like I know who it is and..." Again, Tim stopped, this time breathing a sigh of frustration into the silence.

"Ah, I see. You'd rather have the dream to look forward to than nothing to look forward to at all."

"Something like that." Tim's face grew red as he walked past the M.E. to the front door. "Thanks for listening, Ducky. For the sedative that got me through the night too." Having said that, Tim took himself on out to the car, obviously at the end of his willingness to let the M.E. in.

Ducky shook his head at the younger man's embarrassment. It didn't matter who Timothy was dreaming about, not to the M.E. But, he had to respect Tim's privacy and he refused to push him for more than he was willing to share. All he could do was breathe a sigh of relief that Tim had opened up to him as much as he had; especially with something that was indeed, a very private situation. Maybe now that the young man had gotten it off his chest and gotten an educated opinion that he wasn't going crazy as well as having gotten a good night's sleep and some decent food in him, things would begin to turn around for the young agent.

Ducky could only hope so.


	6. Chapter 5

**_A/N:_**_ Hang on to your seats - we're picking up a little bit of turbulence in this one - somewhere..._

* * *

_Monday May 24, 2010_

Too keyed up to sleep and too confused to think straight, Tim spent yet another restless night tossing and turning with no trace of slumber in sight. In the last two weeks, he'd gone through this complete sleep deprivation no less than six times. Four of those times had happened since that night he'd let Ducky give him a sedative to help him sleep through the night, ten days ago. Every time he closed his eyes, things said and done in the last two weeks, including the increasingly sensual dream itself, since the dreams had first begun invading his sleep, came back to the screen behind his eyes in vivid stereo replay

This dreaming of a mystery lover his mind wouldn't reveal the identity of when he was there, caught in the dream, was really wearing him down_. Last night was the eighth time in two weeks! Yet, every day, I see those eyes at work and I know it can't be right! It can't be him!_

It was mind boggling, feeling those lips kiss his own, seeing those eyes capture his own; finally realizing that he couldn't fight the truth any longer. He knew who they belonged to; unmistakable and unique as they were. The truth had hit him right between his own eyes that morning of the first dream two weeks ago. It was time to stop fighting with himself about it and admit the truth; not that there was anything he could do with it anyway. Even stopping himself from revealing to Ducky, who he believed his 'dream lover' to be, the night they'd had dinner at Ducky's over a week ago, hadn't changed much about the situation or even helped him think any more clearly about it.

Night after night of experiencing the vivid sensuality that had made it seem so damn real, had him no longer affected in quite the same way as it had that first morning. Oh, it was still a struggle to believe he'd be dreaming of such a partnering, but his body had stopped fighting the idea many days ago, as his throbbing hard-ons and tented boxers, complete with a wet spot on them every morning after the dream, let him know it had already accepted it completely.

He'd struggled with the mental battle for days after that. As he'd continued to fight it, still telling himself that he longed for a steady girlfriend to fill his off work hours life with. Hell, right about now, he'd be open to having a lover without the steady dating The questions and declarations had seemed endless as they passed through his brain relentlessly, nearly driving him insane during his hours away from work when sleep remained elusive at best.

_Where the hell had this come from? He wasn't gay! He'd never even been the least bit interested in any other guy! Why the hell was this about the absolute unattainable? Why would his mind torture him like this; so deep he felt it all the way down to his soul? All he'd ever wanted out a relationship was someone that would at least return the affection if not the genuine emotions he'd always wanted, to go with the physical giving and taking. It hurt too damn much to keep having these dreams; dreams that would never come true. _

Tim had known he needed to do something to give himself something more than the dreams were leaving him with and he'd sunk himself into all kinds of research online web site after web site, thankful that he'd bought a laptop he could use anywhere in the apartment as he continued on with his research. Still, his hunger for more knowledge of what he would be getting into once he chose this road with all seriousness, remained unfulfilled.

He'd read so many stories in his spare time his head was absolutely bulging with them; keeping his libido nearly overly -sensitive. Tim had taken to withdrawing from the team more and more as soon as the work day was done, choosing instead, to go home and get lost in the stories of the relationships he was trying so hard to learn everything about. He had lost count of the number of times he'd turned down his teammates' offer to go out for a drink or dinner and all the while, somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice was screaming at him to accept the dream for the true desire of his heart that it was; and to go after it. He'd discovered an aspect of this being bi-sexual that called to him like a siren. It was as if his mind had begun shouting from the roof tops that it had been fostering a death wish from day one and now it wanted to see it fulfilled!

Mentally forcing the whole situation into his private closet, he closed that door and forced his mind to refocus. It was, after all, a work day and he couldn't afford to be distracted; especially with DiNozzo's gay-dar detection the older man was always bragging about. It was bad enough, he'd had yet another moment of clarity regarding these dreams, yesterday at work, like a bolt of lightning from out of nowhere.

_**Flashback**_

"_McGee, talk to me." Gibbs ordered in his normal tone as he returned to the squad room after a coffee run._

"_Still running his cell phone records, Boss. So far, we've got two numbers that match with the phone records of our victim."_

"**_Still_**_ running, McGee?" Gibbs asked with disappointment as he turned his attention from the plazma screen to his youngest agent's face, his eyes a study in expectations and authority._

_Tim felt a shiver run down his spine as his eyes met those of his boss. For some reason, Tim was mesmerized yet again, unable to look away and it was there in that moment, that it hit him. There was no mistaking it now, Those beautiful oceans of blue! They've followed me home to my dreams for weeks now! But, how can that be? There not even compassionate right now and they're still drawing me in! _

_**End Flashback**_

Tim heaved a sigh of frustration as he blinked and returned to the here and now. Strange how taking up the ritual of spending an hour after work running to vent the anquish seen on the job could change the content of his dreams here lately; intensifying it all, as if turning up the heat. Still, these erotic dreams weren't showing any signs of going away and that in itself was mind boggling!

With deliberate determination, he shoved all those thoughts back behind the door of his private life for now. He couldn't afford to keep thinking about this. No, he needed to be able to go into work as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on with him. It would be tough, but he could do it. _God, it's getting harder every day!_

*****NCIS*****

Two hours later, all thoughts of dreams and what they might mean, were long forgotten in the face of the new case the team had just been handed. It was the kind of case, every one of them hated and dreaded with all the passion they possessed; the murder of military kids, whose father's or in some cases, their mother's were serving overseas and weren't home to protect their families. It was Gibbs' personal tragedy personified, fresh and deeply painful for the Team Leader; a devastating case for them all. Before they knew it, the morning had moved off and the afternoon had arrived, quietly and without fanfare, as they slaved away for leads, and chased down possible people of interest, talking to every one and any one that could remotely possibly add something useful to the investigation.

Several hours later and the day had disappeared, lost in the grips of the intense investigation. All thoughts of going home to get some sleep, had disappeared with the sunshine of the day, dinner somehow finding its' way to their desks so they would at least be able to eat a decent meal, even if it was just chinese take-out. As was the case when difficult cases such as this came about, one day carried itself on over to the next and before they knew it, the entire team had been working the case for 24 hours straight.

Leon Vance made an appearance in the squad room at this point, giving out one order and intentionally giving it to the team as a whole. "GO HOME! I don't wanna see you back here for at least six hours!"

Slowly, the agents, each of them in turn, looked at Gibbs, waiting for him to nod his agreement, this time, to be met with one general concesion, instead. "Make sure you eat well, too."

Shocked at both the sudden dismissal, as well as Gibbs' response, Tony, Ziva and Tim were slow to react. But, eventually, they did manage to leave, each of them walking to their own cars and nearly dropping down in the driver's seat. Without a spoken word between them, the trio drove off the navy yard, badly in need of the sleep they'd been ordered to go home and make sure they get.

Tim found himself too wound up to sleep, so he wandered over to his couch and opened up the laptop, trying to take his mind off the events of the day and the gruesome details of the case at hand. Closing his eyes in an attempt to conjure up an image that would wipe the ghastly ones stuck in head, clean. It wasn't long before his mind was once again, caught up in the idea of delving deep into the ins and outs of how to pursue a relationship with another man.

His dreams kept him company as he searched and read, passing the hours of the night with no sleep in sight. Before he'd realized it, almost four hours had passed and he was reluctant to tear himself away from what he'd found. In one particular bunch of stories, he'd found a statement that had hit him right between the eyes, but he'd also found the solution. In short; he'd discovered an aspect of this being bi-sexual that called to him like a siren. _Why hadn't he thought of this before? _Unfortunately_, _he had to walk away and get some sleep so he could go to work in a few hours. Further investigation into this new decision that beckoned to him, would have to wait.

*****NCIS******

It had been a particularly harrowing week and a day from hell to top it off. The case the MCRT had assigned to them, the second one that week, both although already solved and very recently put to bed; still leaving the aftertaste of bitterness, sorrow and anger still sharply stinging all of them. Any case that included kids as victims was always hard on this team since they all had become super sensitive to the boss' pain in that area of his life. Having several cases in a row where the kids were abused or worse, killed, had nearly ripped away at the very core of his agents' supply of self-discipline and self-control when it came down to rounding up and interrogating the suspects. It had taken every ounce of Gibbs' as it was, to keep Tony and Ziva from ripping limbs from their suspects. Even Tim had become snappish and rigid with pent up anger and frustration by the time they'd put the second case to bed, a mere twenty minutes ago.

The Team Leader hadn't wasted any time in letting them go. He'd made the decision to send them on their way the minute their cases were done, knowing he'd go over their reports when the squad room had gone quiet and get the agents to fix any errors later. Having his team be able to decompress and get some rest was much more important. It didn't even matter how much crap he'd have to face from Vance.

As Gibbs watched from behind his hooded eyes, his agents headed out one by one the minute he sounded the call that released them, scrutinizing their body language for any tell-tale signs of just how much of a break they really needed. Tony's hurried steps screamed for his need for escape and not just of the physical variety.

The Senior Field Agent's mind had been put through its' paces of both intellect and restraint for the entire week. The class clown hadn't attempted to be funny or charming once in the last week, the very definition of a completely stressed beyond normal limits for him.

DiNozzo was an old hand at decompressing and would be fine once he'd found himself a cute young thing to keep company tonight or a six pack of beer and a pizza or two in front of a movie marathon and he'd be better able to begin to relax and regroup by tomorrow.

Gibbs knew if he had anything to worry about with Tony, the younger man would have given off signs by now such as showing up at the boss' house asking for a steak dinner or excessive joking or crossing the hazing lines with Tim. No, Tony would be fine. His experience in law enforcement and years under Gibbs had prepped him for these rough weeks and he kept going like the great agent he was.

Ziva, too, was still within her normal range of being able to decompress without any cause for concern. Her innate stoicism was still in place and her eyes were still mirrors of steel, not showing any glimpse of emotion that she didn't want the world to see. Gibbs knew she'd let go of the horrors of what they'd dealt with this week, in her own way, when she was good and ready.

As he returned their 'night, Gibbs" and 'night, Boss" and turned his attention back to his desk, he couldn't help but notice his youngest team member's silent trek toward the back stairwell, with no attempt to speak to any of them. The young man's eyes had taken on a new look in these last few weeks, almost as if he'd been shaken by something new and was still trying to figure it out. Gibbs had seen Tim lost in whatever was going through his mind several times when the others were out getting lunch or taking a coffee break.

For some Tim seemed to started driving himself harder in the same last few weeks than even Gibbs drove him on his worst day, leaving very little room for the boss to lose his temper or be waiting for any leads that had been needed. It was almost as if Tim had decided he suddenly had to prove himself all over again.

Breathing out a sigh of frustration, the Team Leader let him go. Whatever this was about had started weeks ago, as Tim began withdrawing from the team a little more every day and becoming more and more separated from them, not talking to them unless it was case related and only when he had something to contribute or in response to being asked to offer an opinion. Everyone had noticed yet no one had gotten him to talk about whatever was bothering him. Maybe having the next three days off would help Tim's world re-center itself and he'd be fine on Monday.

He'd already gone toe to toe with Vance to give his team this entire three day weekend off, but damn it they'd earned it and he wasn't about to lose any of them to job burnout just because Vance couldn't see past the bureaucratic bull crap that kept him jumping through so many hoops, he literally expected the MCRT to keep going like a band of Timex watches to make the powers that be happy.

Feeling slightly better about things regarding his team, the boss sat back down and got busy going through their reports, hoping they were done right and wouldn't have to be fixed or worse, re-written. Mentally giving himself a head shake, he got to work. His own need to decompress had to wait.

His long-dormant desires he'd kept under lock and key, often used these times to rear their painfully lonely heads and torment him until he found the steady release behind the ruse of his three B's. He didn't want tonight to be another one of those nights.

It had been an excruciatingly painful three weeks with the case they'd been on this week, coupled with his youngest agent taking to staring at him with enough want mixed with uncertainty in his eyes, that Gibbs was no longer immune to it or ignorant of it. So long as the case needed to be solved, he was able to focus solely on work and that was how it should have been. But the minute his mind had tried to escape the horrors of the case for a moment of fresh air, those alluring green eyes came to mind, bringing with them, the desire to come clean with the young man in hopes that it would help Tim do the same. His gut was telling him that after three weeks of being stared at by those eyes, he'd figured out what was bothering the young man. Now it was just a matter of getting Tim to admit it.

Working directly across the room from Tim while the young man steadily wore the signs of being shaken by something deeply personal, had not been easy by any means. It had taken all of Gibbs' inner self-discipline not to haul the young man into his arms behind closed doors and soothe away the uncertainty and the fear he'd seen in those sleep deprived , yet still gorgous, green eyes. Knowing that part of the reason that look had been there was due to the pain they all felt at the loss of the kids involved in this case, only made it more difficult to remain 'hands-off'.

If the look in Tim's eyes was anything to go by. Tim wanted something he'd just discovered and he looked prepared to jump in head first after whatever it was, no matter the consequences. Gibbs would NOT sit idly by and watch something bad happen to that young man who seemed to be trying to figure out who he was, all over again, as if everything he'd know about himself had been stirred up and handed back to him all mixed up.

Gibbs had recognised the look because he'd been there before and had seen what it looked like as it stared back at him from the mirror every morning for about a month, many years ago, long before he'd ever come to grips with . He would do what he could do look out for Tim. Beyond, letting him know more often that his door was open, and watching him more closely, he wasn't sure what else he could do until Tim opened up to him. It was as Gibbs had explained to Ducky; all he could do was try.

With a tired sigh, he breathed out deeply, needing to gather his scattered thoughts once more.

He needed to keep his mind occupied with work; not on the personal introspection of what how a certain green-eyed, gentle soul came to be trying to process what it was Gibbs suspected he was dealing with or how it was taking such a toll on that certain young man. Still, the Team Leader would keep an eye on him and trespass into questioning him about it soon if things weren't looking any better for Tim soon. With a sigh of frustration, Gibbs forced his attention back onto his work.

*******NCIS*******

Tim had watched Tony and Ziva silently head out, looks of anticipated release and the chance to let go of it all, written all over their faces along with their exhaustion. He'd heard them talk about having dinner together, each wanting to eat out so they didn't have to bother cooking after the week they'd had. When they'd turned in his direction, obviously intending to invite him along, he'd offered them a tiny smile and shaken his head. No, he refused to be a third wheel and he'd been that for a long enough time now. Besides, he really wasn't fit for company tonight. His dreams had really been getting to him and he'd finally gotten fed up.

Tonight, was the night he intended on finding some way to give in to the experience for real that had been taunting him in his sleep.. It was way past time. He needed someone and right now, he wasn't feeling very choosy. Hell, at this point, he wasn't going to pass up any opportunity to look at what was out there.

By the time he reached his car, Tim had talked himself down into the calm he usually operated with. Tonight, he wasn't even fit enough company for himself to be alone with. He needed to get lost in a crowd somewhere, to become invisible and unwind at the same time.

He'd already figured out the only way to be alone while in the midst of a crowd after doing some research in a minute of spare time here and there. And while the real point to his quest was had been wrestled into submission for tonight, he still needed to find that escape tonight; even if it was for a completely different reason than the one he'd started out with. He'd already done some research, found a few places he wanted to check out. With a bone-weary sigh of frustration, Tim got in his car and drove off the yard, not even sure he was doing the right thing.

******NCIS******

Tony actually acted the gentleman and held the door to the restaurant open for Ziva, escorting her to their rather private booth, away from the bustle and hustle of the intensity of the tables closer to both the kitchen and the door. He and Ziva both needed to unwind and talk about anything other than work, yet at the moment, the only thing on his mind was his probie. Tim had been more quiet and stressed out this past week than he'd been in a very long time. Truth be told, Probie had been acting different for at least a month now, although he had no idea why the change had come about.

Coupled with the horrible cases from this week, Tim's withdrawn and almost defeated demeanor was why Tony had stopped going over the top with his teasing and hazing. It had all just been too much of an emotional rollercoaster to keep up with. He felt stretched to the limits of a rubber band about it all, but his concern for Tim was front and center on his mind.

Ziva was quiet, her mind stuck between concern for both her teammates and her own exhaustion and mental fatigue. It wasn't a good combination but having this quiet dinner with Tony, with no expectations was a good place to begin the decompression process for her. She'd been looking forward to it since Tony suggested it on the way back to the squad room this afternoon after they'd collared their dirtbag.

It was obvious that Tony had something on his mind, but Ziva needed to voice the question that had been on her mind since the silence from Tim during that car ride back to the office earlier. Now was as good a time as any, it seemed.

"Tony, do you think McGee is alright? We should have made him come with us, yes?"

"Nah, he's fine. He's probably already home, getting buried in one of his online games or sinking his brain into another one of those fiction writings he calls books." Tony threw out there offhandedly while his own worry for his little brother was twisting his gut.

Ziva wasn't fooled and at this point in the long and stressful week, she was in no mood for his glib attitude. "Tony, you do not believe that any more than I do. Even Gibbs has been watching McGee more closely in the last few days. He has had an unusual look in his eye this past week, yes? Something new is bothering him and I do not believe it has anything to do with the case."

"Yeah, I noticed. Look, Ziva. Tim'll be fine. He always is. Ever heard of the Timex watch; takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'?" Tony offered with a grin he hoped would convince her to trust what he was saying and let it go. He wasn't prepared to discuss that look in Tim's eyes. Tony wasn't sure what was going on, but from what he could tell that look he'd seen meant only one thing and it wasn't going to end well for Probie.

"What does licking have to do with a ticking watch?" Ziva asked in clear confusion.

Tony shook his head in disbelief. "C'mon! You've been in this country for how long now and you haven't heard that once?"

"Nevermind. Tony, I really think we should call and check on him."

"Nah. Abby's probably already done that. I'm sure he's fine. The last thing he'd want is us making a big deal out of the week he's had, when it's been a rough one for all of us." Tony reminded her seriously.

"I realize that. However, that does not take away the fact that he has not been himself for some weeks now." She insisted. " I am concerned about him and you are as well."

"So, after dinner, we'll stop by his place and bring the dessert and the beer."

"Good idea." Ziva accepted as she settled back in her seat, now prepared to enjoy her meal.

*****NCIS*****

"Hey, Gibbs! Why are you still here?" Abby asked as she strolled through the squad room and stopped to put a note on Tim's desk.

"Question is, why are you, Abbs?" Gibbs asked in return while he stopped working and looked up at her.

"Oh, I was just finishing up getting my lab back in ship-shape condition after a tough week. My poor babies needed a good cleaning before they could rest.

"Yeah. And?"

"And, what?" she asked in confusion.

"Why are you up here instead of heading home?"

"Oh, right! Well, since you guys'll be here tomorrow and all and I can't seem to reach Tim on his cell, I thought I'd leave him a note telling him I'm still waiting for his answer about the concert I asked him to go to next weekend."

"Couple a things wrong with that scenario, Abbs." Gibbs offered with a smirk.

"What things?"

"Well, for starters, the team's off til Monday. And since this weekend's an off one for them, that means next weekend won't be."

"Oh. OH! Well, crap! That really bites, Tim knew I was counting on his going with me so I wouldn't have to go alone!" Abby whined.

"Abbs. I seem to recall this is a fairly routine thing with you; you strong-arming Tim into going to these concerts with you by threatening to kill him without leaving evidence. Don't you think it's time you stopped lording that over his head? Hasn't he jumped through enough hoops for you?" Gibbs asked patiently.

"Wow, Gibbs. Where's this coming from?" Abby asked in a mixture of hurt, awe and guilt.

The Team Leader looked at her sadly as he snapped his computer work station off and stood up, gearing up to leave for the night as he continued to look at his lab rat he favored so much. "It's been a rough week for all of us, Abbs. Don't want any of my team committing to anything right now except relaxing and getting caught up on their sleep. Takes time to regroup after a week like this one, Abbs. You know that."

"I know." She sighed sadly. "Okay, but the fact that it was a bad week for everyone doesn't explain why he's not answering his phone. Tim always answers his phone! Besides, he really needs to talk to someone and I know he'll talk to me. I mean he's clearly been upset about something for weeks now and I know my Tim, he's been holding it in for so long, he's ready to bust, he needs to talk about it so bad. And I wanna be there for him when he's ready to let it out."

"Abby. He's exhausted and needs time to unwind. We all do. Leave him alone for tonight. Try talkin' to him tomorrow." Gibbs instructed as his gut clenched at the news that his agent was so bothered by something he was keeping bottled up that Abby expected a problem.

"Alright. I'll leave him alone. But, just for tonight! I'll see you on Monday, Gibbs." She smiled as she turned to walk out.

"Wait. I'll walk you out." Gibbs snapped off his desk lamp and rounded his desk, letting her take his arm as he walked her to the elevator.

****NCIS****

The neon lights of the sign over the door caught his attention. For some unknown reason, the colors seemed to call to him, almost promising his overwrought brain the escape he was searching for. Parking his average looking, blue Ford Focus, in the lot, he found himself thinking for a brief moment, of day he bought this car, after trading his porshe in, no longer interested in the reckless feel of driving it or the less than stellar gas mileage it got. It was times like this that he found himself grateful that he'd made the trade. Stepping out of the car and locking it, his brain focused on sitting in a quiet corner of the joint and relaxing while falling off the grid.

Not ten minutes later, Tim had his drink, his quiet booth in the corner, three patrons drooling over him from afar and the guy behind the bar already fielding questions from interested parties as to who the gorgous guy in the back booth was and what he knew about him. Seeing the stranger he knew had never been here before begin to actually take an interest in the patrons that were filling up the place, the bartender warily frowned. It was gonna be a rough night.

*****NCIS*****

Tony and Ziva both frowned as their knocks on Tim's door went unanswered. Hell, his car wasn't even in the lot. Picking the lock, they went in secure the apartment, needing to know that nothing had happened to him. Both of them seemed to find the shocking new development into who their teammate was on the inside; at the same time.

"Tony, look! Why is Tim's typewriter covered by that thing? It has obviously been covering the machine for quite some time, judging by the layer of dust that has settled on it. And look at his computer! I thought you said he would be here getting lost in his computer games, Tony? Why does it look as though he does not use his computer very often? The screen is dusty and so is the rest of the monitor."

"Don't know, Ziva. Guess I was wrong about a few things. Come to think of it, where's McMutt?"

"I do not see anything that points to Tim having a dog, Tony."

"Me neither. Something's up and I don't like it."

"How could this much have changed in Tim's life and we not know of these changes?"

"Guess he's gotten really good at keeping his private life private." Tony muttered.

"Tony, I do not believe you have the right to be angry about this. You are the one who hounds Tim about his private life so much that he obviously feels he can no longer tell us anything about what is going on with him."

"So much for us being friends." Tony muttered. "

"I believe we only have ourselves to blame, Tony." Ziva insisted as she made her way the apartment door.

"Maybe. Makes me wonder what else he's hiding from us, though." Tony insisted as he joined her at the door.

"When he comes home, you can ask him. Until then, I suggest we fall back and wait until he returns." Ziva advised as she opened the door. Tony soon followed, feeling incredibly disappointed that he hadn't been able to get in to the computer and see what his probie was up to. He had a bad feeling and he wanted to be able to investigate. He hated being denied that opportunity.

It was really strange that Tim's Porshe Boxter wasn't in the lot, as late as it was. They'd really believed he was tucked up safe and sound in his apartment, losing the grip of the horrors from the cases within the Never-never lands of his games and writings. Knowing now that they'd been wrong; at least as far as they could tell, was unsettling to say the least. Now, neither of them wanted to go home until they knew their teammate was safe and sound; they'd agreed on that. It was gonna be a long night.

*****NCIS*****

Gibbs pulled into the parking lot, feeling the pull of the place stronger tonight than he he'd felt the pull of his bourbon or his basement in a long time. Ever since Jenny's death, he'd lost the taste for any sort of serious dalliance or even a look in that direction, coming here more and more frequently to unwind and escape. It was never about hooking up with anyone, choosing only to sit alone and enjoy the solitude and the escape of disappearing into the crowd. With his Marine tough glare and 'don't mess with me' demeanor, he was left alone and respected for keeping to himself and never sticking his nose in anyone else's business.

Entering the place now, he shared a nod of greeting with the bar tender and accepted his usual drink, taking it to his favorite out of the way booth, only to stop dead in his tracks and take a second look at the person already sitting there.

_McGee?_


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: **_You guys are awesome! Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying this _

_Many thanks to Shelbylou - who I wrote this for as a birthday present - for urging me to post it here._

_**Story Note: ** Let's just pretend that computer screens don't lock up automatically after so much time of being idle._

* * *

"Tim?" The older man was careful not to use his agent's last name out of caution and concern.

Tim looked away from the group of seemingly single young professional men that had come in an hour ago and had yet to make a pass or act intimate towards anyone, in shock as the bottom fell out of his world. "Boss? Oh, God. Boss, I…" his stammer while endearing, was so full of worry it couldn't help but bring concern.

"Relax, Tim." Gibbs urged as he slid into the booth across from his agent before he'd even thought to ask if Tim minded. "Youre not in trouble."

Tim turned beet red and looked back down at the beer he'd been nursing for the past hour and a half. He hadn't wanted to drink, and couldn't bring himself to even attempt it. But, he'd wanted to be found here even less and never by the one person he couldn't get off his mind.

"What are you doin' in a gay bar, Tim?" the boss asked calmly, his expression unreadable. "DiNozzo put you up to a dare again?"

"No. Took him six years, but I think he finally got the message about staying out of my personal business. " Tim replied bitterly. The younger man's tone changed to that of quiet resignation as he tried to avoid the issue as well as the older man's eyes."My being here's not something you'd understand, Boss."

"What's not to understand? The need to escape? Why else do you think I spent years building boats in my basement?" Gibbs asked dryly while he was still processing this new development. Somewhere down deep, he'd known this was coming, but still, the point of first impact was shocking.

"Oh." Tim replied almost in a whisper. "That makes sense."

"Doesn't explain why you're here, Tim. What happened to your online games?" Gibbs carefully set out on this fishing expedition with good reason. He needed to know what had driven this non-drinking, normally private young man here.

Tim shook his head. _How could he explain that he'd stopped playing those games almost a year ago when they no longer provided him with the escape he needed?_ It had never become clear to him if he'd let things build up too much for them to work their magic anymore or he was tired of giving Tony ammunition to tease him mercilessly about his hobby or what the reason was. All he knew was that he hadn't logged on to one of those in so long, he was sure he'd forgotten his passwords.

"Stopped workin' for ya?" the question was almost an observation in a most conversational tone that kept Tim receptive to answering the boss' questions without becoming skittish or reminded of where they were and just how unnatural this situation was.

"A long time ago." Tim admitted quietly as he gently turned his beer glass in slow circles, his eyes finding the process of the rotating glass more fascinating with every passing minute.

"Haven't seen a book from you since we solved Petty's murder." Another calm observation that pointed out yet another one of Tim's former means of escape had been shed like a snake's second skin. "Matter of fact, I don't recall seeing that second one ever get published either."

No wonder he felt so vulnerable. Tim's eyes slammed shut. This was a subject he'd refused to think about or even discuss for so long, but obviously not long enough since it still sent a sliver of pain lancing through his heart and a physical shudder through his body. It didn't matter how much had changed between him and Abby since that awful night. The fact that they'd almost lost her to that lunatic because of Tim's writing was something the younger man was never gonna be able to forgive himself for; just as the innocent lives that were lost because of it were still with him every day.

But none of that was even what was at the front of Tim's mind; hadn't been for a long time now and even now, was only traipsing through his memory as a guest of Gibbs' conversation. No, this past month had been extremely rough because there'd been a new level to Tim's emotional roller coaster ride; one he couldn't quite figure out and wasn't even sure was real or just a dream. The fact that it had hit him from out of nowhere had left him breathless until he'd been able to admit to himself what 'it' was. It had been scary to recognize that it was even there and even scarier to admit he wanted it and everything it represented.

Suddenly, Tim felt trapped with his escape from his restless and confused thoughts now thwarted and his comfort zone breached. He needed to get out. Thanking his lucky stars that he hadn't had any more of that beer than a sip, he got to his feet. "I need some air," he murmured as he turned to walk away before his nerve deserted him. He and Gibbs right here; right now; having this conversation was just too surreal for words and it wasn't doing anything to help him figure things out.

Watching Tim leave, obviously not comfortable in the current situation, Gibbs was still quick to follow him outside; unwilling to leave him without a wing man in a strange neighborhood in the middle of the night; especially when he was obviously thrown off balance. Unfortunately, he wasn't quick enough to keep things from going downhill between himself and his agent as he watched Tim get into the blue car he'd parked in front of and throw his head back against the seat, blowing out air in a puff of frustration.

Tim felt the walls closing in around him as he made a beeline for his car, even out here in the open air as he tried to breathe through the panic that had risen up within his chest at the sight of the boss finding him here tonight. He'd tried to keep his private chaos away from work these last few weeks, since he had no desire to be the butt of Tony's jokes or on the recieving end of Ziva's disdain or Abby's ironic declarations that because she loved him it should be enough or worse, her laughter at his expense.

But the biggest fear Tim had been hiding from, was Gibbs reaction. He feared the man losing respect for him or trust in him or even being angry with him about this. It wasn't even a question of bigotry or any other negative slur that usually got tossed around when someone thought badly of another person because of what they believed or chose to pursue in life. No, Tim knew that if Gibbs became aware of the current chaos that had overtaken his personal life, the man would be kicking him so far off the team, Tim would probably find himself up on the moon before he came down for a landing thanks to the DADT attitude on the Yard and Gibbs' need not to make enemies among higher circles in which he had to work closely; for the sake of the agency.

None of it was anything Tim wanted to risk or experience. He wasn't looking to shake up anyone's world or their perception of him within their sphere of that world. Breathing out a sigh of deep frustration, Tim opened his eyes, stuck the key in the ignition – and felt his heart slam up into his chest at the sight of Gibbs standing at his car window, waiting for him to let his window down and talk to him. Forcing himself to calm his breathing down, Tim turned the key enough that he could hit the down button for the window. "Boss?" he croaked out.

"Think we need to talk, Tim."

**_****NCIS****_**

As Tim entered his apartment some thirty minutes later, with Gibbs on his tail, the younger man made a beeline for the kitchen, desperately in need of some coffee and fairly positive that Gibbs was too. As he stood there lost in thought, his shaking hands still working on setting up the coffee, all he could think of was how in the hell was he supposed to explain this to the boss?

_Where was he gonna get shipped to now that the cat was outta the bag and how soon should he be putting in his resignation? _Blinking, he brought his mind back to the present as he finished putting the rather strong pot of coffee on, that he could just barely tolerate and Gibbs would appreciate. Tim was so caught up in his troubled thoughts, he hadn't even realized that Gibbs hadn't joined him in the kitchen.

Wandering back out to his living room, he was brought up short at the sight of his boss sitting in front of his laptop, the screen no longer grey in sleep mode, but now colorful and explicit as the last site Tim had been researching…when he'd given up researching_… oh, crap!_

"This what you want, Tim?" the older man asked him quietly as he finally looked up at him, his expression finally readable as it clearly showed not censure but concern. "This really what you're looking for?"

"It's just research, Boss." Tim deflected the question as he wearily leaned back against the wall facing his computer, his eyes glued to the floor at his feet.

"Wasn't the question, Tim." Gibbs asserted in his still quiet but now firm with just enough authority to ensure an honest answer.

"I'm not sure. Not sure of anything right now. All I know is that I'm tired of being trampled on every time I get back in the ring. So far my only other choice outside of being taken to the cleaners or targeted for assassination has been to settle for being duped by Tony posing as a woman online or being loved like puppies by Abby – and even that's only on her good days!"

"Doesn't explain this." Gibbs pointed to the computer screen which now depicted a web sited devoted to the explanation of _Bondage and Discipline / Dominance and Submission / Sadism and Masochism – How To Be A sub , A.K.A. Slave to a Master_

"I'm tired of feeling used." The young man admitted bitterly, his eyes flashing not only the intense betrayal but also the soul-wrenching hurt.

"You don't think this will give you that 'feeling used' feeling, Tim?" Gibbs' tone softened in light of his youngest agent's heart-wrenching honest admission of pain that had obviously started him on this shocking if not unhealthy quest.

"At least I'd get something out of it this way. Like I said, I don't know what I want right now. All I've done is pull up the site. Haven't even done a whole lot of reading up on it yet and sure as heck haven't exactly been stupid enough to go check out one of those places or put an ad in the paper asking to be one yet. I'm smart enough to know I need to read up on it first before I do anything. Besides, Tony's always acusing me of being gay so I might as well give a shot, right?" he threw out there flippantly, tears of frustration and deep-seated rejection finally coming to the surface after months of suppression.

Suddenly angry, embarrassed and humiliated at having lost his temper or to even be having this conversation with Gibbs, no less, Tim retreated back to his kitchen. The coffee had to be ready by now because damn it, he really needed a drink right now. _Damn, I wish I had some hard liquer right about now! I should have drank myself under the table while I had the chance!_

"Tim." Gibbs gentle voice spoke from the kitchen doorway.

Shocked to hear that tone from the boss now, Tim turned towards the older man to let him know he was listening to what he had to say even if he couldn't bring himself to look the man in the eye. That tone of voice always pulled at Tim's heartstrings. _Come to think of it, hearing the boss say his given name always did weird things to his insides_. _Why was Gibbs only using his first name right now? Come to think of it, he'd been doing that since finding me in that club earlier tonight. Guess I really did screw up this time!_

"Tim, look at me."

The gentle voice continued to keep him off balance. Swallowing hard, he did as he'd been directed, finally raising his eyes up off the floor and looking at the man he'd been dreaming about; the object of his secret fantasies, directly on, not even sure what his own expression might be giving away to the man who never missed very much.

"I won't let you get caught up in believing you need to be someone's sub." The promise spoken in that still gentle tone almost Tim's undoing as he felt fresh tears prickle at the back of his eyelids. Blinking hard, he fought them off and tried to process what the boss was really saying.

It was weird enough having this conversation with this man to begin with, almost surreal. Tim felt so off balance, he literally sounded off with the first thing that came to his mind, muttering it half under his breath. "Better than nothing at all."

A deep sigh of frustration sounded in the space between them. "Is that what you really think, Tim?" Gibbs had come to stand beside him, still looking at him with a compassion rarely seen in the man's eyes.

"I don't know what to think anymore." Tim admitted quietly, his heart in his voice and in his eyes.

"With all the heartache you've gone through, that's understandable." Gibbs offered calmly.

The younger man's eyes closed in humiliation.

"Hey." The quiet call for attention had Tim's eyes finding those of his boss before he could even think about holding back.

"Not judging you here." Gibbs planted a comforting hand on Tim's shoulder.

Feeling like he'd just been handed a reprieve, Tim smiled softly for a brief moment before that smile slipped back into hiding and the guarded mask came back to the front,

"Need you to promise me something." Gibbs kept pushing without heat, his hand still on Tim's shoulder.

"Depends on what it is, Boss." Tim warned with equal quietness since he meant no disrespect or contradiction.

"Want you to give me your word that you won't go to any of the places you find in your research without me."

"What? Why?" Tim asked in shock, locking eyes with the older man when his eyes flew to his automatically.

"Always a flip side to every coin, Tim. Do whatever research you need to on both sides of this before you step foot in any of them and when you feel you're ready to go look into this, call me. I'll go with you, no questions asked." Gibbs gently instructed in that authoritative tone that made it half order and half request because he was looking out for one of his people's best interests.

Tim was floored. _Gibbs? Doing THIS for him? _He knew his disbelief was probably sitting as plain as day on his face, but he couldn't help how he felt_._

"I get that you don't understand why this is so important." Gibbs made no bones about being completely honest with this. This was too important to hide behind the normal walls of silence and remaining so tough no one thought you were human.

"To you." Tim quietly clarified the specifics of where his confusion lie.

"You need a wing man on this, Tim." Gibbs pushed as he put a comforting hand back on Tim's shoulder. "One will keep you safe without judging or criticizing you "

"God, Boss." Tim muttered, feeling completely laid bare and vulnerable. _How could he have left himself so open like this as to let Gibbs of all people see exactly what was tearing him apart like this?_ "Talking to you about this just doesn't seem real." He whispered "I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"What shoe, Tim?" Gibbs asked quietly as he deliberately continued to use Tim's first name to keep things compassionate and open between them. The Team Leader wanted so badly to take this lost young man into his arms and comfort him; to shoulder the burden of those negative feelings that were obviously weighing Tim down; judgements he didn't deserve to experience, but had obviously already convinced himself were just waiting for him to take that first step into exploration before falling down on his head.

"I dunno, disgust, disappointment, anger, maybe." Tim admitted.

"That what you think I'd give you for a personal choice that's no one's business but your own?" Gibbs asked sadly, disappointment obvious in his tone.

"More like what I've been afraid of. Afraid to hope otherwise." Came the soul-baring response.

Gibbs crooked his finger under Tim's chin and lifted it up until his agent had to look him in the eye. "Told you I'm not judging you, Tim. Not my place to do that when I've been where you are."


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: Two Important notes:**

1. _Cleaning, editing and slightly touching up as I post these chapters… – hence any differences spotted if anyone's read it over there already. I'll be exchanging them with the ones posted on NFA Community_

**2. **_We will begin to see that Gibbs in love or even in very serious pursuit of love is more talkative and emotional than the Gibbs we know until now. So, please don't shoot the storyteller if he seems different._

_Onward we go….to my favorite chapter….._

* * *

Tim's breath caught in his throat. "What? You? How…?" Tim stepped back in shock. Now Tim felt a wave of disbelief and incredulousness rise up so quickly, he feared he'd drown in it. _This wasn't the same person he knew and had worked with all these years. This wasn't the same stand-offish, less than emotional person he'd come to know and love and long for!_

"There's always something about ourselves that we keep locked away from the rest of the world, Tim" That wonderful, soothing, achingly comforting voice reminded him now_. _"Done my own research. Exploring. Enjoying, years ago. Nothin' wrong with it. It's all a matter of personal choice and keeping it all private" Gibbs' matter of fact tone belied the emotional journey it had been for him, making it sound like it truly was no big deal.

Tim turned and walked out of the room, his breathing ragged and his heart racing. The painful struggles these past few weeks to reconcile his ever increasingly erotic dreams with the reality that he was in fact becoming tuned into and turned on by his very straight boss, made this conversation; this moment, surreal now.

Now, he was finding out the man swung that way when he wanted to. It was too much like dangling candy in front of a baby who had no teeth and didn't even have the words to voice his needs or wants. He felt tears prick at his eyelids and he quickly blinked them away as he fought to get his breathing under control. Fate was taunting him in the cruelest of ways.

"Tim." Gibbs spoke from just two feet away from him where he'd come to check on him. Watching him let his emotions run away from him had almost torn the boss' heart out. "You don't have to hide it anymore."

Tim turned his shocked expression to Gibbs', unable to keep it private any longer. "Wha…?"

"I've watched you fight to keep this away from Tony's nosey snooping; consistently turn down the team drink nights and movie nights. Noticed the way you've been avoiding me here lately but couldn't stop staring at me for the past few weeks. Knew something was botherin' ya. Wasn't hard to put it together when I saw you in that bar tonight." Gibbs explained quietly without censure. "Doesn't change what I just said. You don't have to hide it anymore."

But you…?" Tim started to question to clear up his confusion.

"Wanna be here for you."

"As my wingman." Tim clarified as he walked back to the living room and sat down on the couch, needing to move to remind himself he wasn't dreaming this.

The older man followed Tim, sitting down next to him but with plenty of space between them. "For starters." Gibbs admitted all the while nearly dying inside at having to keep his distance and let Tim find his way to him when he was ready. He'd done all he could to get the ball rolling and it wouldn't be fair to either of them; but most especially to Tim, if Gibbs were to bulldoze ahead without letting Tim find his own way, with help of course.

"I can't do this; not with you." Tim was quick to throw up yet another wall, just as he'd been doing for the past few weeks. Tim looked away for a mere second. Looking back, he looked back at the older man directly, unable to say what he needed to without seeing his eyes. "I can't do this. I need this to be real. I thought I could live in these dreams that have been driving me insane for the past few weeks, but I can't. It's too real but not real enough." He launched himself off the couch and over to the window, leaning heavily against the window frame where it met the wall, his heart beating wildly, his desolation and pain at yet another kick in the heart, so close to the surface, he felt tears scald his eyelids as he fiercely held them back.

A calming hand gently came down on his neck and gently squeezed as tender lips ghosted across his ear, soft words reaching his inner turmoil. "I promise you this is real, McGee."

Tim whipped his head around, disbelief strewn across his traitorously wet face.

"Have I ever lied to you?" the older man asked with complete seriousness while he gently used the pad of his thumb to wipe the errant tear from Tim's face; trying to reach out and touch the younger man reassuringly. Nervously, Tim pulled away, his stubborn mind still not convinced he wasn't dreaming.

"No." Tim answered the question without hesitation, hating himself for the uncertainty and fear he felt and was reacting to.

"Not gonna force you, Tim. Would like to know why it is that you feel you can't do this, though."

"I kinda like my job."

"You really think I'd let this affect your career?"

"Rules are rules." Although the answer seemed flippant, the tone Tim spoke in was far from it.

"Just so we're clear, what rule is it that's got you so wound up?" Gibbs double checked to clarify what it was that was standing in the young man's way of this.

Tim shook his head. He couldn't have this conversation. _How in the hell was he supposed to admit to Gibbs that he wanted him so badly he could almost taste it?_

Suddenly, a warm breath ghosted in Tim's ear as a gentle voice spoke to him. "You're afraid to tell me what's really going through that brain of yours. Don't be. I meant what I said, Tim. I'm here for you. Talk to me."

Tim unconsciously leaned back against the sudden solid wall of comfort that had come with the soothing voice in his ear; the voice he'd often dreamed of, wanted to hear in his ear like this; lusted after. The strength and support he'd longed for with an aching so deep it hurt just thinking about it. Oddly enough, he found himself not wanting to move now. He felt the trembling begin as his brain fought the realization that his deepest most personal desire was just a touch away and maybe, just maybe, it was actually real and NOT just in his dreams. _God, this is what I want! Gibbs has never lied to me before. He wouldn't lie about this. This has to be real!_

Gibbs reveled in Tim's show of trust as the young man allowed himself to lean back into him while he tried to process this unexpected turn of events and was undoubtedly the most personal conversation he'd ever had with the boss. The older man gently wrapped his arms around his troubled agent and made no further move. Tim needed time to process everything else without interruption or pressure and Gibbs was making sure he got it, knowing he'd find it easier to not only work things out but also speak his mind that way.

"Is this part of 'for starters'? Tim asked so quietly, it was almost a whisper as his mind stopped fighting the truth in front of him, at least for the moment.

"This is part of wherever you want this to go, Tim." Gibbs promised him as he kissed him gently on the temple. "I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm hoping you come to realize that what you want; what you need, is right here with me."

Tim shivered at the fizzure of genuine desire that raced through his body at Gibbs' words and the touch of his kiss on his temple. Hell, the man's arms embracing him while his body had held him up had already turned his insides to mush!. Turning around to face the older man, Tim looked him in the eyes, searching for the truth, the trust and the safety he needed to take this step. Finding it right where he needed it to be, he took the next step; the biggest one yet.

"And if I do want this? With you?"

"Then we take it at your speed." Gibbs reply was quiet, direct and spoken with unwavering strength that spoke of a promise he was making.

"I can't do this if it's not for keeps." Tim's voice shook. "I don't have it in me to be rejected again."

Gibbs gently trailed his thumb down Tim's face in sympathy, his palm cupping Tim's face tenderly. "I know. Would have stopped this at your promise not to go it alone if I didn't want this for keeps, too."

"I've never done this before. Any of it. Somehow, I don't think dreaming about it for the past few weeks counts." Tim's near whispered admission tugged at Gibbs' heartstrings as he gently pulled him into his arms and spoke softly into his ear.

"That what's been keeping' you so worn out and strugglin'? You been dreamin about us?"

Tim nodded as he bit his lower lip in consternation. He hadn't wanted Gibbs to ever find out about that, but he'd felt the need to explain himself; to do his best to make this all make sense. "This is all new to me." He admitted again, feeling especially vulnerable right about now.

"Sssh.I know. Your speed." Gibbs promised as he continued to hold onto the younger man.

From the safe confines of the older man's arms, Tim tremulously asked "And if I want it all – now?" He pulled out of Gibbs' arms just enough to find the older man's eyes, his own eyes searching those of the man he was trusting with his heart and soul, once more, as if he couldn't get enough of what he found there as he waited with bated breath for the answer.

Gibbs smiled and gently adjusted his promise, caressing the side of Tim's face as he spoke. "Your speed, my caution."

Tim smiled softly. "I already know I'd like that."

"C'mere." Gibbs whispered huskily as he drew Tim back in, this time for a first kiss. Hesitant, feather lite, yet promising, gently asking to be let in, his lips touching Tim's until the younger man moaned, opening his mouth, letting the older man in, letting him explore and learn Tim's mouth, – taking him in and begging for more.

Wrapping his arms around Tim's back, Gibbs drew him further into the kiss, tenderly and without hesitation, letting Tim drink from his kiss, feeling his passion flare for Tim, almost completely engulf him until he forced himself to pull back, their lips separating for them to draw in air.

Tim panted, licking his lips in nervousness just before Gibbs' leaned back in reconnecting their mouths; his tongue once again seeking entrance into Tim's mouth, which was freely given, as Tim. opened his mouth inviting Gibbs to explore freely. The older man's tongue explored Tim's mouth, tasting, searching, passively – the opposite way he did everything else in life. He made love to Tim's mouth, while as if in a daze Tim's eyes closed on their own, Gibbs drank from him in gentle caresses but through it all his mouth remained mesmerizingly strong and had Tim wanting more. Every touch from this man left Tim wanting more; wanting everything Gibbs had to give.

Again, Gibbs let his passion climb, nearly too high to pull back, this time as he tongue probed every corner of the sweet mouth he'd been welcomed into. With a ragged breath, he forced the separtion once more, pulling back with a small smile. "How's that for starters?" He asked, his voice rough with want and need.

"I don't need any more research." Tim said breathlessly, his eyes sparkling yet still holding some fear and a hint of disbelief. "Not if this is for real."

"Still need you to make me that promise." Gibbs told him gruffly, concern for Tim utmost in his mind.

"I promise." Tim nodded as he looked away, suddenly feeling like he was drowning in those twin calm oceans of blue. "I need some coffee. You want some?"

"No. I need to go. It's getting late. You've got plenty to think about." Gibbs told him calmly.

"My speed?" Tim asked forlornly, obviously not willing to let Gibbs go home yet. Hell, if he had it his way, the man wouldn't leave at all!

Gibbs smiled softly as he gently cupped Tim's cheek with one hand once again. Leaning in for yet another gentle kiss, he smiled softly when he pulled back and looked at Tim, warmth and concern in his eyes. "My caution. We need to take this slow."

Those gentle yet firm words sent a shiver of Tim's spine as he watched Gibbs turn to go after tenderly kissing Tim one last time. Fear filled Tim's eyes as his mind immediately screamed at him that this was just another example of being played until he'd laid his heart completely exposed and vulnerable and now it was about to get crushed again. _This was just another page in the cosmic joke playbook, written at Tim's expense._

Frowning at what he was seeing in Tim's eyes, Gibbs stepped back over to him. "Do you trust me?" He asked gently.

Tim nodded immediately, his eyes full of that absolute trust and faith in Gibbs. "With my life."

"If this is really what you want, then this is just the beginning. I promise you that." The older man vowed.

Tim breathed out a sigh of relief and he smiled tremulously. "Okay."

"I promise you this is real. You know I don't say anything I don't mean."

Tim looked deep into those eyes, those trusting eyes that promise honesty and desire, feeling his heart warm with hope's flame now relit.

Kissing Tim on the lips on more gentle time, Gibbs turned to leave. "Goodnight, Tim."

"Night, Boss."

"Gonna have to change that." Gibbs quirked with a grin.

"Change?" Tim's overwhelmed mind didn't immediately make the connection.

"Not 'Boss' between us like this, Tim." The older man reminded him with a wry smile.

"Oh. Right." Tim knew that but hearing Gibbs say it now made this all seem so much more real. Without even realizing he'd voiced his thought, the words crossed his mind. "Gibbs, then?"

"Ziva and Abby call me that. That's theirs. Jethro will work."

Tim shook his head with regret. "No, please. Not after I've had your namesake all this time. Even now that he's with my parents, he's still ..."

"Oh, right." Gibbs grinned.

"Leroy?" Tim suggested timidly as he glanced at him shyly.

"Works for me, Tim." The silver-haired fox replied with a soft smile and a reassuring gentle kiss. "You prefer Timmy?"

"God, no!" Tim muttered immediately, his face scrunched in distaste. "I don't even like it when Abby uses it. It's like she can't see me for the man I am, beyond what she thinks is suitable to 'love like she loves puppies."

The older man smiled in sympathy even as mentally he made a note to keep an eye on Abby's treatment of Tim in the future. "Tim works for me, too."

Suddenly, Tim's mind flew into panic mode_. This was too good to be true and that's always blown up in his face before! What if he screwed it up? What if he wasn't good enough for Gibbs? What the hell was he sayin'? Of course he wasn't good enough for someone like Gibbs! Who was he tryin' to kid?_

The older man watched the plethora of emotions flit through Tim's eyes as the young man's mind continued to overthink things. "Stop thinking so hard, alright? Get some sleep. We'll talk about this again when you're ready." He encouraged quietly, a beautifully charming smile on his face, lighting up his gorgeous blue eyes and making Tim go weak in the knees once more.

Forcing himself to remain in place, trying to discretely hold onto the door frame to keep from collapsing where he stood from the acute feeling of emptiness he was feeling at just the thought of Gibbs leaving now, Tim offered a reluctant response "Goodnight, Leroy."

Watching the man leave was one of the hardest things Tim had ever had to do. No sooner had the door closed, than Tim slid down the wall to the floor, his eyes closed in a feeling of emotional ecstasy. Whatever brief glimpse of heaven this was, he was determined to relish it as he drew his mind back over the intimate moments he'd just experienced with the one man he'd fantasized about – the _only_ man.

_God, if he could only freeze time, this moment would last forever!_


	9. Chapter 8

_Finally, he has a face to go with those tantalizing lips and mesmerizing pools of promise and lust. Tim smiles nervously and licks his lips as he looks into those eyes,, desire, full-blown has nearly rendered him speechless._

_Gibbs leans over and brushes his lips against Tim's, sensual and breathtakingly gentle before pulling him close, holding him tightly, moving the kiss to his hair as one hand tenderly cups his face, the other wrapping around his back to hold him close ._

_Neither man speaks as Gibbs gently backs Tim up to the wall behind him, not once letting go of him or breaking the kiss between them. Tim sighs contentedly as the older man continues to touch him, his fingers stroking down Tim's face, tracing over his lips and his throat, blazing a fiery trail back up to the younger man's mouth, his hands gently framing the gorgeous youthful face._

_Gibbs gently sucks Tim's bottom-lip into his mouth and sensually sucks on it until Tim moans with pleasure and opens his mouth; inviting the older man in. Accepting the silent invitation with a pleasured moan of his own, Gibbs slips his tongue into Tim's welcoming mouth, taking the time to taste him and make love to the warm cavern and even the tongue that now begins to seductively duel with his._

_Unable to stop himself, Tim moans again as his body shivers with the wanton need rising up from within, Before this journey, he had never known a kiss could be this breathtakingly arousing or intoxicating between two men. Taking a breath, he can't help but inhale the sandlewood scent that is all Gibbs, as it fills his nostrils and turns his knees to jello. _

_Grasping desperately at Gibbs' shirt for added support, Tim's senses are overpowered and he struggles to breathe while his body becomes awash in white-hot need that has begun growing hotter with every passing minute. He hears that voice, rough with arousal that never fails to steal his breath away as it speaks in his ear, sending shivers of want up his spine. "That's it, let go, Tim. Just let it go."_

_Before Tim even realizes what he's doing, his hands are sliding up Gibbs' shirt, slipping inside the gaps between the buttons. He groans as his hands come in contact with, not the bare skin he desperately craves touching, but rather, the garment he's forgotten the man always wears._

_Gibbs chuckles softly as his strong, yet roughened hands join Tim's at the buttons and together they work to unbutton the roadblock keeping them from further skin to skin contact; something they both are suddenly desperate for as their quickened breathing gives testament to. Tim is quickly rewarded when his hands are placed underneath the offending undershirt and gently urged to move on their own. _

_Almost instantly, he hears Gibbs' breath catch at the first touch of Tim's hands as they slide up the older man's chest and continue to caress him from chest to navel and back again, repeatedly, endlessly in almost featherlite caresses. He's never done this before but somehow, he can't seem to stop, he suddenly wants to feel every inch of Gibbs' skin, as if trying to absorb him through his fingertips. On yet another trail up to the older man's chest, Tim's fingers find and stop to play with Gibbs' nipples, wringing forth a groan of absolute pleasure from the older man, spiking the wave of pure lust through Tim's veins._

_As he brings his hands down to raise the shirt up and bends down to apply his lips to those obviously erogenous nipples he suddenly feels the urge to make love to, Gibbs reaches out and pulls him upright and the gentle mouth that has consistently made love to his, now recaptures his own. Tim's lips welcome him back with relish, even though they're feeling tender and swollen from the constant attention they now can't get enough of. His senses are nearly overloaded, causing his thoughts to escape through his mouth in a moan, _

_"Oh, God! I can't get enough of you" Biting his lip to keep from making a fool of himself again, Tim is surprised to feel Gibbs' mouth gently kiss away his worry even as he speaks to it in that voice that weakens his knees. _

"_That's it, Tim. Talk to me. Tell me what you want; what you need."_

_Tim looks Gibbs directly on, his heart in his throat, "I need to feel all of you." He admits shyly, even as his hands continue to roam over the older man's upper body._

"_We'll get there. I promise." Gibbs promises as he picks up one of Tim's hands and brings it to his mouth; softly biting his fingers. _

_Drawn in by the flash of desire that spikes through his veins, Tim watches in awe as his fingers are drawn into that seductive wet mouth and provocatively nibbled and sucked on, one after the other._

_With eyes locked on each other, both sets darkened with desire, Tim can't help but feel his spine tingle as he relishes the sensuousness of this attention that's causing his body to vibrate with need and want. The intense pleasure and the arousal he'd never felt this all-consuming before, is washing through him in waves so overpowering, it steals his breath from his lungs. _

_As his eyes remain locked on Tim, the older man releases the younger one's fingers, plundering that sweet mouth 0nce again, almost desperately now. His demanding kiss now increases the pressure with a physical display of his growing hunger and passion that soon turns into a heated sensual dance even as he envelopes Tim in his arms once more, pulling the younger man in tightly against him. Heatedly, Gibbs repeatedly strokes a hand up and down Tim's spine causing him to tremble from the unexpected delicious friction just as they break apart, both of them gasping for air, their lips red and their faces flushed in arousal_

_Gibbs reacts to the younger man's visible trembling, touching him compassionately while verbally reassuring him without hesitation. "I promise you this is real!"_

_Tim silently nods to show he's heard even as he reaches out towards Gibbs' hair timidly, as if he wants to run his fingers through it but doesn't dare presume that it's okay._

_"Go, ahead, run your fingers through it." Gibbs' gravelly voice encourages him softly as it whispers in his ear before kissing his temple and traveling down Tim's neck to kiss him there for the first time._

_Tim smiles shudders at the new sensation even as he gently runs his fingers through the salt and pepper grey hair of this normally intimidating man. Already, this man, who has done nothing but make love to his mouth tenderly and thoroughly, has firmly lodged himself deeply in Tim's heart. Feeling treasured and wanted since the beginning, Tim now feels filled with a powerful feeling of attraction and wantonness and he begins to let lose as Gibbs has already urged him to do. The man's hair feels silky soft underneath his fingers and smells like the clean sent of the shampoo, the very essence of the man who now consumed his heart and soul._

"_Will you stay with me?" Tim worries anxiously even as he surrenders more fully to the attentions of this man of his dreams._

_With his eyes shining with truth and desire, Gibbs stops kissing him and raises up to look him straight in the eye and answer him without hesitation, bringing one hand up to gently cup Tim's face again as he speaks._

"_I promise you, Tim, I'm not leavin'."_

_*****NCIS*****_

His eyes popped open and he felt a moment of disorientation before realizing it was morning and he'd slept through the night, obviously with more genuine sleep than his dreams had been giving him lately. Tim remembered that it was Saturday and the team was not on call this weekend. Not sure what woke him and not happy that he was no longer in the dream or even in the reality that had become his just last night, he forced himself to get out of bed and headed for the shower.

With nothing job related to occupy his mind, those thoughts and memories having been erased by the rare experience from last night, his thoughts returned very quickly to all that transpired between himself and Gibbs both last night in reality and within the confines of his dream he's just been pulled from. It wasn't long before Tim found himself once again with throbbing hard and aching for release. The happiness he felt was coming from all the way down to his soul, Of that, he was certain and it plastered a genuine smile on his face from ear to ear. Every time he closed his eyes, Gibbs' eyes were there to greet him, pulling him deeper and deeper into that space of ecstasy as he vividly felt each and every one of the pleasureable emotions that had rolled through him last night; enough that it sent him over the edge quite easily and with very little physical stimulation.

Completely spent from the first genuine sexual experience with so much intensity, he'd seen white spots before his eyes as he'd flown off the edge; he struggled now to recover from the rare physical release that stemmed from that; hanging onto the shower bar for dear life as his heartbeat settled down, taking his breathing back down into normal right along with it. Not caring how cold the water was turning, Tim rode out the wave of exhaustion his release had brought with it until he could gather up the energy enough to quickly wash up and take himself out of the shower. He leisurely get dressed and ready to face the day, seemingly caught up in a wave of slow motion movements that somehow helped keep him buoyed in the sea of all he'd found that was great.

For a straight guy, it sure hadn't taken him long to become convinced to swing the other way. He already couldn't get enough of Gibbs; was almost desperate to have more of him. Now that he had the time to stop and contemplate the changes this had brought about in his life, he realized that his own body had turned on him and it continued to confuse him, at least the part of his brain that was still screaming that he wasn't gay. Tim had to admit that it was taking some serious getting used to; becoming all hot and bothered and completely turned on by another man.

The confusion was burning in his heart and dueling it out with the part of him that wanted to hold onto and treasure what little Gibbs had given him last night. Come to think of it, it may have been little in comparison to some things in a relationship, but coming from Gibbs; it was huge and Tim knew it. That was part of the reason the part of his brain that had accepted this journey into forming his first bi-sexual relationship also refused to believe it was real or that it would last.

A small pitiful part of him was holding on to the hope that he really did mean something more than a working relationship to the tough former Marine. He'd already lost his heart and soul to him so quickly, it was all still so mind-boggling to him, keeping him off balance, awash in happy thoughts one minute; deluged with powerfully sad ones the next; all of them making perfect sense as they paraded through his mind in an endless mixed up parade.

Tim doubted that Gibbs really did want Tim, deep down where he'd have become comfortable with it. Why would such a strong, confident and beautiful man need a damaged, less than Marine tough, younger man like Tim? Oh, there was no doubt that he felt bonded to Gibbs in one of the most special ways possible now, even with just those few minutes between them. The question was, did it really mean as much to Gibbs as the man believed it did last night?

The more he looked back over what had taken place between them, the more afraid he became. _Did Gibbs really care about him this way? Or was that voice in his head right about Tim never being good enough for the older man and Gibbs had just said and done all that to make sure Tim got home safe and stayed there?_

He had to get away. He desperately needed to try and sort out his emotions and get his head on straight, but he had nowhere to go. _Or did he?_

_"Wanna be here for you."  
_"_We'll talk about this again when you're ready."_

Shuddering with a ripple of desire as Gibbs' voice replayed over in his head, Tim picked up his keys and his wallet, also pocketing his phone before he let himself out of the apartment, being careful to lock it up behind him. Right before he turned to the hallway, he stopped short and opened his door back up. Looking around, he noticed small tell-tale signs that his teammates had been here snooping around. Things had been moved that he knew for a fact he hadn't touched in months and with that knowledge came a flare of anger at their invasion of his private life. Making a mental note to add more locks to his door before the weekend was out, Tim headed out, intent on taking this confusion and need for clarification right where it belonged; on the doorstep of the only person he needed to talk to.

*****NCIS*****

Tim softly opened the front door of the house and was surprised that the door was really left unlocked. He had only been a few times and never by himself. He was surprised he even remembered the way. Every time he'd been here, it had been in the dark. His first trip here hadn't come until his fourth year on the team when Director Shepard was in trouble over "The Frog's death and that had been after dark. Looking back, Tim realized that the only other time he'd been here had been when he'd practically fallen over himself for a week straight, trying to make up to Gibbs, the fact that the boss had seriously hurt his shoulder protecting Tim from that maniac driver on that one case they worked together while Tony and Ziva were on their way back from working their end of the case in London.

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts of ancient history, he hesitantly went inside. Tim wasn't even sure the boss was home since he hadn't noticed the car or the truck in the driveway and he wasn't even sure he'd be welcomed right now. He was operating on hope that Gibbs had meant what he'd said about them talking more about things when Tim was ready, because Tim felt ready now.

Softly, he slowly walked through to the basement since it was a well-known inside joke that Gibbs lived there and besides, it was the only place in the house, Tim had ever been. The wooden steps creaked slightly under his feet, stopping his heart for a moment in the fear that Gibbs would react badly to an unexpected visitor. After a moment of complete silence, he realized the man was probably not home, just as he'd suspected. A quick visual sweep of the basement confirmed that suspicion.

Tim had come looking for something he had been destined not to find.

*****NCIS*****

"Hey, Duck. What brings ya?" Gibbs asked of his long-time friend as the elder man decended Gibbs' basement steps extremely late in the evening. Something had to really be wrong somewhere for this to happen.

"Hello, Jethro. I thought you and I were due for a chance to catch up." Ducky offered quietly.

"Uh-huh. What'd I do this time?" the younger man asked knowingly.

"Actually, Jethro, I came in hopes of finding out if you've been able to get Timothy to open up to you."

"About what exactly?"

"Why, about what's been troubling him for these past few weeks, of course. Have you spoken with him at all about it?"

Gibbs breathed out a sigh as he put the utlity knife he'd been using on a broken knob, down and glanced at his watch. "Yeah, Duck, I did. About 24 hours ago, as a matter of fact."

"Jethro, it's nearly eleven in the evening. You spoke with Timothy at this time last evening?"

"Yup. Ran into him out and about. We talked."

Ducky looked meaningfully at his friend. " I sense from your tone and your shorter than usual answers that this means your definition of 'out and about' led you to cross paths with the young man somewhere that most likely became a most surprising revelation to you."

"Not gonna ask how you knew. "

"If you hurt him because of what's been troubling him, Jethro..." The M.E. warned

"For cryin' out loud, Ducky! Why the hell would I do that?" Gibbs exploded. "You really think I'm that much of a bastard?"

"No, of course not, I'm simply concerned for Timothy. This is all so foreign to him. Please tell me you were able to help him in some way."

"I did what I could, Duck. He knows where to find me if he wants to talk. I reminded him as much."

"I take it he has not come to talk since last night?"

"Nope."

"I see. You will let me know if I can be of any help to either of you, won't you?"

"Just what do you think happened between us, Duck?" Gibbs' eyebrows marched up to his hairline.

"It matters not what I think happened. What matters is what Timothy believes happened; if anything. I do not believe either of us wish to see that young man hurt."

"You're right about that, Duck. Don't worry, he knows he's not alone while he sorts things out."

"Oh? I would have imagined you would have helped him already sort things out when you spoke to him last night, Jethro? You did say the two of you managed to talk."

"Yeah, we talked. It's gonna take time. I can't work it out for him and things like this just don't work out in your head overnight."

"No, I suppose you're right about that, Jethro. But, then again, Timothy has been trying to sort this out for well over two weeks now hasn't he?" The M.E. reminded him.

"Yeah. I know. Still not gonna push him, Duck."

"As well you shouldn't. Jethro. I merely wished to remind you that this has not just come about over-night."

"I know. I'll keep an eye on him, Duck."

"Thank you, my friend. Do have a good night, won't you?" Ducky turned around and without any further discussion, headed back up the stairs.

"Hey, Duck!" Gibbs hollered up to his retreating friend.

"Yes?" The M.E. stopped and turned back to look down at his friend.

"He tell you this was about me?"

"No, Jethro. He did not. Timothy refused to speak of who it was this was about, fearing what would be lost if he, as he put it, jinxed it by speaking that person's name. His express wish was that if he could only have what his dreams were letting him keep; then they are better than nothing at all."

"Crap. Then how..?"

"Jethro, my friend, I had only to look into that young man's eyes as he spoke of the dreams that were keeping him awake and his hopes that he not lose those dreams since he could never have the reality, to know he was speaking of you. That young man has thought deeply of you for a long time now. He has just never been able to allow himself to admit it until now; to either himself or to you."

"Hmm." Gibbs answered non-commitedly.

"Good night, Jethro."

"Nite, Duck. "

Listening to his friend's soft tread overhead as the older man walked back through the house and left out through the front door, Gibbs sighed in frustration. He'd thought about this all day today. Even as he'd been elbow deep in Habitat for Humanity grunt work, his mind had strayed to the events of last night, keeping him not only half aroused, but concerned for his youngest agent as well. All day long, he'd been hoping like hell the young man would be here waiting to talk to him when he'd finally managed to break free and call it a night, getting home two hours ago. It had been like a physical blow seeing the empty driveway and realizing Tim obviously wasn't ready to talk to him.

Gibbs had to admit, he was confused. He'd actually thought, after the intensity that Tim had welcomed the idea of a relationship with him, that the young man wouldn't be able to stay away; figured he'd be here at the crack of dawn actually. Gibbs frowned. _Had he really misread Tim last night? Why wasn't he here wanting to talk about where things could go between them from here?_ Suddenly, Ducky's words from the other day came back to him now:

"_Our young man knows my address as well as he does yours and I am pained to say, that information is sketchy at best."_

_I doubt very seriously that if asked at this time, where you reside, he would be able to recall such information."_

Taking a deep breath, Gibbs slowly let it out. He couldn't believe he hadn't followed up on that problem when he'd had the chance. Finding Tim at the bar had seriously scattered what he'd had on his mind to talk to the young man about since the need to help Tim through what was bothering him had become more important in that moment and for the remainder of the night.

He'd take care of talking to Tim tomorrow. He wanted to make sure he was alright, anyway. Right now it was too late and the young man was most likely already asleep. After the rough last couple of weeks for them all, he wasn't about to get in the way of their chance to catch up sleep.

******NCIS******

Sunday morning dawned bright, clear and warm, tossing Tim from his lush wet dream with its' unrelenting glare through his living room window. With Gibbs fresh on his mind, in the most physical sense possible, Tim's shower was a steady sauna of heat and massage that worked just the right amount of contact enough to let Tim find genuine relief and be able to screw his head back on straight and move on with his day.

Now dressed and done taking in a quick breakfast of an omelette with a healthy glass of orange juice to wash it down, he was ready to go. But, go where? He'd tried to go to Gibbs' and talk to him yesterday. That hadn't worked out. All that had done was send him off to the video rental store far enough away from where Tony lived that he had no worries that the older man would find him there. Thirty minutes later had found him headed home with a front seat full of movies to watch and learn from. It had been a long night of enlightenment and stimulation; moreso than he'd ever thought possible for him on this new road of discovery.

Oddly enough, one thing that stood out from the night of adult movies was the point that Tim was prone to quickly becoming over-stimulated to the point of being in pain. That would not make for a very lasting night with any partner. All of his previous relationships had been ones where he'd been focused on fulfilling the needs of his girlfriend at the time. Never had he ever had a relationship where his needs or even what made him feel good had been the focus in the bedroom. He'd had absolutely no experience with any of the self control he'd seen in these adult movies. Common sense told him it would be a vital part of keeping the other person in the relationship equally that realization hit him, it drove home the point he'd been trying to make with himself about being someone's sub. The need to learn control and discipline over his own libido wasn't something he trusted himself to be able to do.

He doubted very seriously that it was something Gibbs had the patience for. Tim wouldn't do that to him. Gibbs deserved better than Tim; better than what Tim had to offer: which brought him back to the research he'd started reading into several nights ago, before he'd backpeddeled and gone to the gay bar to learn whatever he could from afar. Any way he looked at it; he was not good enough for Gibbs and he would not make a very good partner in a relationship where he was thought of as equal because he clearly wasn't equal; to anyone.

With Gibbs' house in sight, Tim's stomach dropped. He turned the car around and drove back home; stopping off at a local park, needing to stop and think for a while. He couldn't afford to mess this up. There was too much riding on this and his job and his working relationship with Gibbs and the others meant too much to him to let this screw it up for any of them. Even more importantly, he couldn't bring himself to put Gibbs through the pain of trying to make a relationship work that was destined to fail before it even began


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N:** _Tim's a little off course and Gibbs is...well, let's just see how he handles it_.

I expect you'll find that it's a bumpy ride ahead.

* * *

Tim realized Monday morning, that nothing had changed at work; nothing that was, except his mood and outlook on life.

It appeared as though he had been at least partially reborn; his step was livelier, his eyes no longer looked as if he had completely given up on life, love or the pursuit of happiness. His pleasant greetings for his co-workers had them scratching their heads in confusion and getting questioning emails out to Abby in hopes that she had the answer to this magic transformation.

Had they stopped to look at him carefully, they would have seen the wrinkles in his mask that weren't quite big enough to form cracks but there just the same; seen the sorrow lurking in his eyes that spoke of all not being near as well with him as he was trying to put out. He couldn't allow himself to believe anything but the conclusion he'd arrived at on Sunday when he'd spent the entire day; right on up until he' d forced himself to go home and get some sleep, sitting in the park, thinking, hoping and dreaming. Only the darkness of the night had clued him in to just how long he had been sitting there lost in thought since he had foolishly allowed his phone to die while he sat there all day.

Slowly but surely, his inner voice had worked to convince him that he truly wasn't good enough for Gibbs and that even though the dreams and those few precious moments with the man on Friday night, were the epitome of what he really wanted, he wasn't good enough to deserve that happiness. He certainly was not capable of being a good partner in a relationship. In that conclusion, his belief was now firmly planted.

Gibbs remained silent behind his desk as he watched his youngest agent arrive at work, more cheerful than he'd been for the past few weeks. A closer look, however, revealed that Tim was not genuinely happy by any means. The boss wasn't sure why the others couldn't see that their teammate was wearing a mask, but it was clear as day to him. Maybe he just saw signs the others didn't know to look for. After all, they weren't used to him wearing one, like Tony'd done for years.

Or was that because he'd been so focused on what could possibly be running through the young man's mind, that he was creating issues where there were none to explain away Tim's lack of communication with him? Either way, the only weapon Gibbs had to arm himself against full out blowing up at Tim for not meeting Gibbs' private expectations was silence. Luckily, the man handled that weapon like the professional mute he was often viewed.

Truth be told, Gibbs was still completely confused and more than a little angry about having not been able to either find or get a hold of Tim on Sunday from the time the older man had gotten out of church until the end of the day. The young man had not been home and he had not once answered his phone. Gibbs had been forced to throw himself back into working with the Habitat crew to not only get his mind off the young man, but also squirrel away the day's hours, in hopes that Tim would show up that night. He knew they really needed to talk and he believed that Tim would have realized that too. With a mental flash of anger now, Gibbs frowned in Tim's direction before returning his attention to his work.

Tim's soft fronted smile of happiness was contagious with the others though, and soon the squad room had a happier atmosphere than it had had in weeks. No one seemed to notice the stilted silence between him and the boss or that Tim had not once looked the boss' way or spoken to him. They were too caught up in the brighter, happier mood that had buoyed their own spirits on a Monday, to notice. Even Abby, when she came through, noticed the difference in Tim and made a beeline for her friend.

"Tim! Spill it! You look happy. You haven't looked this happy in weeks and you weren't home yesterday or Saturday. Spill."

"Abby, I'm fine. I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine." The young man's tone was surprisingly quiet, as if trying to make up for Abby's excessive volume.

Gibbs wondered where the feud was from the other day but didn't mention it. If they were over it, he wasn't going to complain Truth be told, he couldn't even recall how he'd heard about it. Regardless, he was the last person to ever keep stuff like that going.

"I want details, Tim. Who is she? Where'd you meet her?" The Lab Rat insisted impatiently as she literally bounced on her toes.

"Need something to do, Abby?" Gibbs groused at her from where he sat behind his desk, clearly unhappy with his restless Forensic Scientist.

"Gibbs!" Abby's shrill protest could be heard throughout the entire floor, as the heads popping up over the partitions gave testament to.

"Now, Abby." The boss growled. He'd be damned if his squad room was gonna be turned into some sort of soap opera stage or worse, the scene of the great interrogation. This was, after all, a work place.

With a grouchy protest, Abby stomped off toward the back elevator, her boots clomping noisily across the floor as she went. Gibbs glanced across the room at his youngest agent, only to find him already busy with work, his attention completely focused on his computer screen. _Just the way it should be._

The onset of a workday with no new case soon sent the team where they hated to go; down the path of the cold case files. Re-reading and rechecking details and facts, figures and stories, all drudgework that none of them cared for yet all of them had to do. As the afternoon dragged on, Tim's bouncy spirit seemed to flag along with the lackluster afternoon.

Escaping with trepidation down to Abby's lab, Tim found the Lab Rat equally in a great mood, but this mood brought out the 'I love McGee like I love puppies" mode within the energizer bunny of NCIS and that usually sparked a twinge of resentment in Tim. Today, he wasn't willing to risk it, fearing the results of his frustrating weekend would be far worse than any twinge. He also had no interest in being grilled further by her regarding his love life, so he kept his visit short and work related, allowing for no other conversation between them, choosing to go back to work instead, even if there wasn't anything to do other than cold case reviews and steadfastly refuse to look the boss' way, no matter how often he could feel the man's glare from across the room.

By two, the team, as a whole, was hoping for any kind of case, although none of them wished murder or death on anyone; they simply needed something to do. As luck would have it, Gibbs' phone rang shortly thereafter, signifying the end of drudgework for at least, this workday.

"Gear up, got a dead sailor in the park." Gibbs barked at them as he headed for the elevator, Tony and Ziva directly on his tail. Tim, on the other hand, seemed to have become distracted and hadn't moved from his chair. "Today, McGee!" Gibbs barked from across the squad room, causing Tim to jump, snatch up his gear and hightail it to the elevator; only to find himself staring at the closed door; having been left behind.

Caught up in his angered thoughts regarding Tim's aired of dismissal towards him, Gibbs failed to notice they'd left the young man behind as the elevator descended. When he opened his eyes and took in the fact that the young man was in deed absent from their midst's, the boss dealt a healthy head slap to his Senior Field Agent, currently sporting a huge grin on his face. He followed that up with a burning glare to both of his agents, both of whom could have prevented what would amount to the huge slap in the face to their teammate.

Furious with the lot of them, Tim had hit the steps as fast as he could, twisting his ankle painfully on the landing. Ignoring the pain, he'd run as fast as he could towards the agency vehicle lot, not wanting this situation to spiral out of control. Already, Tony would have more than enough ammo to keep lording over his head or at the very least, embarrassing him with for weeks to come. DiNozzo's appetite for fresh material could be compared to camel's appetite for water; both lasting for weeks on the same feeding.

Reaching the parking lot, Tim was relieved to see that the team was already pulling up in front of him in the car. With a deliberate screech of tires, Tony slammed the brakes and waited for him to get in. As his eyebrows marched up to his hairline, in silent question, Gibbs' eyes raked Tim over when the young man finally reached the car and climbed in, not missing the pain on his face or the very definite way he was babying his now injured foot.

Not wanting to put Tim on the spot about any of this, Gibbs returned his attention to looking out the window, leaving the atmosphere in the car up for grabs. He knew Tony would take the fresh ammunition Tim had just handed him, with some unintentional help from him; and run with it. The boss also knew that even though Tony was driving, a privilege handed to him because Gibbs was too distracted to drive, the Senior Field Agent would be making the car ride one of complete misery for Tim; and Gibbs with his incessant jibes and jokes and even a movie reference or two. This time however, the older man was more than attentive enough to put a stop to anything over the line if it came up, although he did keep his silence and let Tony have plenty of room to do his usual thing, willing to suffer through Tony running wild because he needed to distraction to cover his inconspicuous yet frequent checks on Tim in the mirrored visor in front of him.

Twenty agonizing minutes later, they reached their destination miraculously without having killed Tony. Spilling out from the car at the scene of the case they'd been handed, Tim bit back a cry of pain as he put too much weight on his now swelling ankle. Already pissed and now feeling like that inner voice that had slowly and insidiously brainwashing him that he wasn't good enough – was right, Tim was hard pressed to keep the tears of physical pain at bay. Barely managing to fight them back; yet determined to keep them there, Tim limped over to the rest of the team, wordlessly slipping on a rubber glove and extracting the portable fingerprint scanner from his equipment and using it on their victim's finger.

"Alan Baker. AWOL, Three months ago. Due to go before the Military Court for Court Martial in 2 days." Tim announced to the group at large, knowing Gibbs was standing close by waiting for the information so the investigative work could begin.

"Okay. Tony, shoot and sketch. Ziva, witness statements. Ducky, take McGee back with you and Palmer. Check out his ankle. McGee, you get cleared, get started on our victim's paper trail and that of everyone he knew and had contact with for the past six months." Gibbs ordered as he walked away.

Approaching the local LEO's who were milling around with nothing better to do, Gibbs couldn't help but worry that Tim had broken his ankle. More than that, the team leader was concerned about the unusual anger emanating from his youngest agent. Shaking his mental head, Gibbs refocused on the job at hand.

*****NCIS*****

An hour later found Tim back at his desk, up to his eyeballs in searches, his foot having been iced and wrapped, was now propped somewhat uncomfortably up on a file room stool. Ducky had issued the ultimatum that Tim being allowed to sit at his desk and work meant keeping all pressure off the ankle for at least the remainder of the workday. The M.E. had also strongly urged him to consider going home with him at the end of the day so he could avoid any and all attempts to put weight on the ankle. Reminding Tim that sometimes his apartment elevator went out without notice and climbing stairs would only make the situation worse; possibly even bench him from field work, Ducky soon had Tim convinced it was the right decision to make.

With a small smile, Tim mentally admitted to himself that he was willing to accept his foot being propped up as the price of still being able to get work done, if it meant he stood a chance of getting done what the boss man expected of him before the man got back. That drive to exceed expectations was still there, where it had been ever since the day he'd first realized he'd crossed some personal boundary by carrying feelings for his boss. If anything, that need to exceed expectations, was at an almost desperate level now, as if it would somehow atone for distancing himself from Gibbs on that personal level.

The remainder of the day passed on into early evening as the rest of the team returned to the squad room and together they began to piece together the evidence and their findings and working the case to their best ability. Gibbs finally called a halt to their investigation as the hour approached eight that night. Snapping up his coffee cup, the boss made a beeline for the coffee shop on the corner while he waited for his squad room to empty out and get quiet enough to get some work done.

Taking the extra effort to stay away from Tim, to keep from snapping off on him about it all, was really taking a toll on him. He was jumpy and unsettled and his thirst for coffee was unquenchable today, especially now when he knew the squad room would be full of peace and quiet when he got back. It was his favorite cup of coffee of the day.

*****NCIS*****

Tim hobbled to his feet, aided by the crutches Ducky had loaned him. Slinging his backpack over one shoulder, the young man slowly made his way down to the M.E.'s desk, plopping down most ungracefully into the chair beside the older man's desk as he rested his head back against the wall, allowing his eyes to close. He had time to kill as he waited for the M.E. to get done for the day.

"Timothy." A concerned voice sounded in his ear as a gentle hand on his shoulder shook him from a slumber he hadn't even realized he'd fallen into.

Opening his eyes, he blearily looked around, locating the source of both the voice and the hand. "Hey, Ducky. I'm sorry, didn't mean to fall asleep."

"That's quite all right, young man. I understand Jethro released you well over an hour ago. I do apologise, I was delayed in a teleconference call with the Medical Examiner's Office in Baltimore. I trust you are ready to leave and get a good night's sleep?"

"Yeah, that would be great." Tim admitted with a small tired smile that actually reached his eyes.

"That is a sight to see, dear boy, a sight that has been missing for some time now." Ducky remarked cheerfully.

Tim looked at him quizzically, clearly confused about what Ducky was referring to.

"That smile, my friend. It has been far too long since we've seen it around these parts."

Tim couldn't help but smile again. "Thanks, Ducky."

"How've you managed the crutches today, Timothy? Are they burdensome or have you managed to get used to them?"

"They're just like riding a bike, Ducky. Kinda comes back to you with a little practice."

"Oh, that's right. Your car accident back in your younger years."

"Right. Listen, I know it's late, so do you want to go through a drive through somewhere and just get take out to take home for dinner? My treat." Tim offered as they slowly made their way to Ducky's Morgan.

"Your offer is most kind, dear boy, however, I already have dinner simmering in the Crockpot at home. " Ducky replied calmly as he unlocked his car and helped Tim get in. Stowing the crutches carefully in front of Tim's side by the door, the M.E carefully shut the door before going round and getting in the driver's seat.

By the time Ducky was settled in his seat and had turned the car on, Tim was chuckling to himself.

"Care to share the joke, Timothy?" Ducky asked.

"I just realized I'm just now figuring you out, Ducky. You don't ever do take-out!"

Ducky smiled. "Quite right, my boy. Quite right!"

*********NCIS********

An hour later found both of the M.E. and the young agent, settling down in Ducky's office to end the day with a quiet talk, at the M.E.'s bequest. In search for a serious update on how Tim was doing, Ducky started the conversation with trepidation.

"Timothy, if you don't mind my asking, what seems to be troubling you? Is it your dreams? Are they still bothering you?"

"No. They're definitely not 'bothering' me. In fact, they're keeping me going, most days." Tim admitted as he kept his eyes glued to his late night relaxing tea the M.E. had foisted on him.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about, Ducky." Tim tried to deny.

"Are we back to this again, Timothy? If you do not wish to discuss it, I am perfectly capable of accepting that truth, rather than this lie." Ducky admonished him sternly.

Tim breathed out a sigh of frustration. "I'm sorry, Ducky."

"Yes, well, I don't doubt that for a moment, dear boy. However…"

"I need to just forget about it; move on." Tim interrupted in a rare moment of unintentional rudeness inter-twined with his forlorn expression and tone.

"I will admit, I am quite confused by this from you, Timothy. You seemed quite reluctant to let it go last week."

"Ducky, I…" Tim floundered.

"You need to talk it out, let someone help you work through what it is that has caused you to feel this way about something that was obviously quite important to you and was quite meaningful for you just days ago."

Tim swallowed hard. "They were dreams, Ducky. That's all."

"You and both know they were much more than that. I also know that Jethro has spoken to you and the two of you have had time to talk about this. "

"Oh, God! He told you?" Tim felt humiliated.

"No, Timothy, he did not. I simply asked if he'd been able to talk to you about what was bothering you. His answer to which, was yes. "

"Oh." Tim replied sheepishly. "Well, since you're obviously okay with all this…"

"Absolutely, dear fellow. I care not who you are in a relationship with so long as you both are happy. Now, let this old owl help where he can, hmm?"

"Thank you, Ducky. Well, it was…"

*****NCIS*****

The next two weeks flew by for Tim, what with working the handful of fresh cases that came their way and all of his spare time spent back in front of the laptop, reading and researching when he wasn't sleeping. After talking with Ducky, he'd come to the conclusion that even if he was wrong in his belief of what would work and what wouldn't where a relationship with Gibbs was concerned; he was now equally determined to move forward and find something to adventure into along the path he'd discovered of being a sub.

While he couldn't argue Ducky's point that it wasn't fair to assume what Gibbs would want or what he would be thinking, Tim also couldn't let go of the need to be something to someone and soon. He was extremely stressed out from avoiding Gibbs all this time. Ever since that first Monday when he'd refused to look at the man all day, Tim had noticed more glares coming from him even if the man had only attempted once to get them a moment alone over a week ago after almost a week of silence between them.

That moment had been the worst; tucked up in the elevator with the man he wanted almost more than life itself; knowing he couldn't have him long enough to make him happy or make it work forever, so he shouldn't take him up on his offer in the first place, was so brutally hard on him, Tim was left near tears when the man had finally given up trying to get Tim to talk to him and left him in the elevator.

That conversation still resounding clearly in his head.

"_McGee, with me." The boss instructed as he headed to the elevator._

_Nervous and beyond jittery, Tim snuck a quick glance at him in hopes of being able to read what was on his mind, or at least the direction it was headed in. The moment the elevator had stopped, Tim's heart had dropped down to his knees._

"_McGee."_

"_Boss?"_

"_What's going on with you?"_

"_I don't know what you mean."_

"_You're lookin' more tired and dragged out today than you did last week."_

"_Guess I've just been having trouble sleeping. I'm fine, Boss." Tim tried to explain._

_Gibbs let go a breath in an aggravated sigh. "You've been avoiding me, Tim. Why?"_

_Tim looked everywhere but at his boss, too upset at being cornered like this because it meant he might very well wind up telling him exactly what was going on and he would give his life up before hurting Gibbs that way._

_The Team Leader tried placing a calming hand on Tim's shoulder but Tim instantly stiffened under it, too scared to give in, to allow himself even a moment of enjoyment or comfort from it._

"_Okay then." Gibbs turned the elevator back on and silently waited as the boxcar took them back to their floor, taking a step off the elevator when suddenly, he stopped and turned back to his agent._

"_McGee."_

"_Boss?" Tim looked back at him, his eyes cloaked in unease._

_Gibbs stepped back up to him close enough no one else would hear them. "You said you trusted me, Tim. " _

_Tim didn't know what brought him closer to tears; the soft, sympathetic tone Gibbs had just spoken in, the words that spoke of the older man's hurt at Tim's distance or the long searching look the man was giving him now. _

_After a long silent minute, Gibbs turned and headed back to his desk without another word. _

That conversation had left Tim seriously rattled, heartbroken, desperately blinking back tears of guilt. Knowing the boss felt like Tim had lied to him was devastating. It had been all he could do to force himself to get back to work after that conversation. He'd been so downtrodden; he hadn't even noticed the worried looks from Tony and Ziva. Desperately he repeated his mantra over and over. _Better than hurting him worse later when things fall apart because I'm not good enough to keep him happy._

Even convinced that he was right, as he was, he now felt like he seriously not only didn't deserve Gibbs; but had most likely already chased him away for good. Relentlessly, the dreams continued plaguing him, driving home the fact that his enthusiasm for keeping his own company through the many moments of sexual tension his thoughts and memories and worst of all, vivid dreams, had long since worn out its' welcome.

At the end of two weeks of not even looking Gibbs' way for fear of seeing hurt in the man's eyes when no one else was looking, too keyed up to sleep and too confused to think straight, Tim spent a restless hour pacing his living room with no trace of peace or even slumber in sight. Every time he closed his eyes, things said and done in the last month along with the dreams he'd been having came back to the screen behind his eyes in vivid stereo replay.

By the time 11 PM. had rolled around, he gave up and got ready to go out. He'd been staring at the website for this place for a week now. He had the address memorized and was more than ready to get his feet wet. He was antsy and his thoughts were running wild. Tim was wrung out, strung tight enough to snap and in need of something to change in his life quick.

Tonight was the night things were gonna change. It never even dawned on him that he was no longer thinking straight; having reached the desperate stage of doing anything rather than nothing. Picking up his keys and his wallet, he headed out the door, not even noticing his phone still sitting on the kitchen counter or remembering his promise to Gibbs.


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: **_This chapter has been bleached from the original – to avoid possible censorship problems.  
I don't want this one to get pulled so….._

_With the exception of the actual 'club' scenes, everything else is intact. The way I originally wrote it in order to maintain the genuine emotions in the characters._

_This chapter is the first of several that required this story to have the FR-21 Rating/T - Rating_

_Hence the original warning still stands- purely precautionary _

_**WARNING**__: Light BDSM, Voyeurism, Possible Offensive to some. And a touch of non-consensual - for about a half-minute._

_Since this is the only chapter with this warning, I did not want to label the entire story as such._

_hold on to your seats, it's about to get a bit bumpy_  
_oh, and did I mention a very angry Gibbs...?_

* * *

Thirty minutes later found Tim parked in front of his destination in D.C. He'd been so keyed up he couldn't remember the drive and wasn't even feeling anxious about this decision which, in itself should have warned his inner sense of self- preservation that this was a bad move, but as it was, his logical brain had been knocked out of gear and wasn't paying attention to very much at the moment as he got out of his car, locked the doors and headed inside the building.

If he'd been in right frame of mind, he certainly would have noticed the strange looks sent his way as he paid his cover charge at the door and signed in as a one-time only visitor. The fact that he'd needed to do that should have been another red flag as to exactly what he was walking into, but even this didn't wake him up to the risky situation he was traipsing headlong into as a green newbie.

Once inside, his attention was immediately drawn to the large cordoned off arena on a raised platform in the center of the room, from which there was movement busy enough it could be seen from across the room. Despite the incredible business of the noise that filled the room, Tim was still able to keep his calm, at least on the inside, even managing to smile serenely at the men who smiled at him first while he walked through the main floor gallery. A tiny piece of his stomach coiled in worry at the absolutely strange looks on these men's faces as they smiled at him, but Tim absently shrugged it off and kept going.

Glancing around him, he couldn't help but notice smaller cordoned off areas also taken up just as the main display area, by couples, who, upon closer inspection, consisted of one collared man and one obviously dominant man who carried himself as the one in control, standing tall and proud, glaring almost predatorily at the collared man before them. It was eerie how each small arena seemed to mirror the next. Taking stock of the immense room, Tim noted there were a dozen such smaller areas around the room, but it was the largest arena in the center of the room that had garnered the most attention with a large crowd that had to number at least fifty men, some collared and some not; all of them touching at least one other man next to him, if not more.

Suddenly, the room got quiet as a large, bulky Dominating man dressed in an open robe with only a tight pair of short shorts and a pair of big black boots on underneath the robe, walked calmly into the main display area and immediately approached what appeared to be a large speaker box at the back of the arena, flipped a switch and returned to his place at the center of the arena while he turned to watch as his appearance was followed closely and immediately by a shorter, smaller and obviously much more nervous collared man who looked nowhere but at the floor. They stood silently, apparently waiting for some welcoming applause which wasn't long in coming as the surrounding crowd and even the men in the smaller side arena's stood and applauded before beginning their displays of different variations on the theme of being and having a submissive.

Tim remembered that was what tonight's displays here was supposed to be about. He'd read it on their site and had instantly been drawn to it like a moth to a flame. That was the whole reason he was here; to watch first-hand and learn. With his heart thumping loudly in his chest, he stopped thinking and returned his attention to the main arena, expecting serious action soon, becoming enthralled by the sounds coming from the speakers hanging at various points of the ceiling as the master quietly spoke to the sub about making this a good show.

Sure enough, as soon as the applause died down, the witnesses outside the arena were obviously tuned out as the Dom and his collared sub began to put on their show, both of turning towards each other now and silently falling into their roles as the Dom took off his robe, tossing it over the chair a few feet away, off to the side and the submissive man, immediately dropped down to his knees, rather harshly and loudly.

Tim watched in silent fascination while his ears heard every single word and noise made thanks to the public address system the Dom had turned on. He was caught in the web of being unable to look away as the sub stared at the floor while his Dom walked around the cordoned off floor space before coming to a stop in front of the now physically trembling collared man where he remained kneeling in readiness for whatever was coming his way.

As if in an out-of body experience, Tim witnessed it all, becoming more and more uncomfortable with each degrading order issued and followed, every booming ridicule and subsequent whine of repentance, each cruel infliction of punishment and resulting booming gloat that almost drowned out the sub's response all filling Tim's gut with repulsion.

Tim looked around him and noticed the awed expression mirrored on more than one watching face in the crowd, dominating partners, submissives and neutral parties alike. He was suddenly aware that this crowd loved what they were seeing and most likely wouldn't move from this scene until it was all over, if at all.

Magnetically stuck, Tim couldn't move either as the Master's voice rose even higher and the sub's more desperate, the unmistakable edge of blind need for release from both of them almost tangible. Whether for show or for the actual need to dominate, the Master continued his degrading demands until his release literally washed over his sub, and oohs and aahs filled the audience as if something beautiful had just occurred.

Tim felt his throat constrict, his eyes were burning and his soul felt tarnished. He wished he hadn't seen that, couldn't erase it from his memory. Without even looking around him, he bolted for the nearest door. He had to get out. Now! Needed to go home, where he felt normal. Feeling safe would be so much better right about now, but that wasn't an option until he could breathe freely first.

Reaching the fresh air of outside, Tim wheezed as if he couldn't get enough air. He'd lasted all of ten minutes watching the seedier side of being a submissive and his stomach had nearly revolted right on the spot. Still fighting to catch his breath, Tim nearly dropped to his knees and would have, if he hadn't felt strong arms suddenly come to support him under his arms.

"Easy there, buddy. I got you."

The stranger's voice in his ear startled the hell out of Tim and reflexively he jerked back, away from someone he didn't know touching him so intimately as to be helping him up off the ground. A helping hand on his arm would have been one thing, but this, this was almost an intimate hug of sorts as much as it was that helping hand and it twisted Tim's gut in a bad way.

Still, the guy did help him regain his equilibrium and for that he needed to be polite. "Thanks."

"No problem. Say, pretty damn good show in there didn't ya think?" The burly dark haired man asked as he peered knowingly into Tim's eyes.

Not liking the leer in the man's eyes, Tim was quick to lay his cards out on the table. "I'm just visiting. Not making any commitment. To anyone!" He made sure his declaration was firm and clear as he turned and tried to walk away, feeling disorientated yet hopefully heading towards the parking lot.

"Oh, hey, I understand. I wasn't trying to lay a claim on ya even if you don't have a collar on. Have to admit it's quite a turn on knowing ya must have balls of steel to walk in here without one or a sub at ya feet. but hey, whatever floats your boat, right? Whattaya say we go check out another display, huh? Just you and me? We can talk about it, get to know one another better? You know it's always good to have friends on this circuit."

The man's piercing green eyes sparkled almost playfully but still allowed a fissure of unease to sprint down Tim's spine as he continued to prattle on and on. "You're so damn hot! I can't seem to stop staring at ya. You've got sub written all over ya, did ya know that? Of course you know that if you're in here without a collar. Hey! I know what's different about you! I get it now; why you're here alone! Bet your Dom's not far away, is he? Keepin' ya on an invisible short leash but not as short as most subs, right? Testin' ya? Tell ya what, I'll keep you safe until he shows up. C'mon! Just spend ten minutes with me and we'll just watch and talk. Whattaya say? You can't really believe you've seen enough if you only watch one display? They were just getting' warmed up! Don't you like watching from the other side of the fence for once?"

The last thing Tim wanted was to say anything more or go anywhere with this man, but he'd screwed up. He'd broken his word to Gibbs and come here alone. Hell, he'd forgotten that promise in the first place! Crap! _Wait a minute! Even if I don't have a collar on? What the hell? Oh, crap! Great McGee! Just great! In such a hurry to check this place out, you got sloppy; didn't do all your homework! Look around, idiot! Remember the whole reason you came here, stupid! Hello? To find out what being a sub was all about? God! What an IDIOT! Why didn't I listen to Gibbs? Gibbs! Oh, God! He made me promise not to come to any of these places without him! Oh, shit! What the hell was I thinkin? _

"_Want you to give me your word that you won't go to any of the places you find in your research without me."_

_"What? Why?" _

_"Always a flip side of every coin, Tim. Do whatever research you need to on both sides of this before you step foot in any of them and when you feel you're ready to go look into this, call me. I'll go with you, no questions asked….You need a wingman on this, Tim. One will keep you safe without judging or criticizing you"_

Feeling like a caged animal of his own making, it was all Tim could do to continue to breathe. Taking a minute to size up the situation, Tim realized this guy was twice his size but up to this moment had no obvious signs of ill-intent. Still, it wasn't safe or smart to assume this was purely a congenial offer. The safest bet would be for Tim to just do as he was being cajoled into doing but keep his wits about him, hoping to be able to still come out of this in once piece.

Silently accompanying this guy back inside, almost stuck to him like Velcro thanks to the firm grip secured onto Tim's wrist, Tim's mind wouldn't quit yelling at him. _How could he have been so stupid? God, Gibbs was gonna kill him; if someone in this place didn't do it first!_

_Heh, they won't kill ya right away, ya know. Oh, shit! Oh, God, what had he done?_

******NCIS******

As Tim and Mitch, as the burly man introduced himself to be, came back inside the building, **t**he same Dom and Sub who had been showing off for the crowds before were still in the exhibition chamber, almost as if time had stopped while Tim had stepped outside. The Dom's voice once again boomed loudly throughout the exhibition arena and surrounding watcher's areas."Obviously you want me to punish you, slave! Take off your jacket and unzip your trousers!"

Tim shifted uncomfortably on his feet. He really didn't want to watch anymore, but with 'Mitch' standing over him, practically slobbering all over him, he didn't see that he had much choice.

The sub looked at his Dom with eyes of terror—his face trembling. "Sir Master, I'm really trying ..."

The impatient Dom grabbed him, and boxed his right ear, causing tears to come quickly to his sub's eyes. Turning to show off for the crowd that had gathered, the Dom practically cackled with pride at his obviously swollen cock still enclosed in his shorts.

"Didn't I tell you to remove your jacket and strip? Get outta those clothes right now!" The Dom yelled as he got in his sub's face. The sub took off his jacket, and after seeing the rage in his Master's eyes, he began trembling visibly even while he struggled to undo the buttons on his trousers.

"STRIP! Get outta those pants. NOW!"

From out of nowhere, the Master uncurled a horsewhip and unleashed it on the sub's legs as the man hastily tried to undress. From the look on the sub's face, it was clear that he wished he hadn't messed up in this way

From that moment, the degradation became more and more abusive with the whip, the subs cries of pain that could almost be described as edged with ecstasy, filling the air with an almost constant assault on the ears. The crowd was soon cheering the Master on as he cackled and grinned with his own brand of ecstasy on steroids.

Tim couldn't watch anymore. He turned to leave, Mitch blocked his path, speaking quietly in his ear. "Sssh. It gets better. Just stay and watch for a minute."

Up on the stage, the saga continued on. "I'm sorry, Master!" The sub cried out pitifully.

"Tell me you didn't want this and I'll stop right now." The Master yelled out, daring the sub to find a way out of this situation.

Judging by the quick lift of the sub's head, he obviously, hadn't expected this opportunity to change what was coming for him. That didn't stop him from taking advantage of it. "Please, Master. I didn't mean to disobey you. I don't want this punishment!" The sobbing voice quivered pitifully as it reached those in the immediate circle of watchers.

The sub's Dom beamed. "Look at you! All turned on by being punished! Why are you lying? It's obvious you like being whipped, slave"

The Dom pulled out a pair of handcuffs out of his pocket. He locked his sub's wrists together with the cuffs, and looked around at him. The sub's eyes were pools of misery as he waited to see what would happen to him next.

Tim shifted uncomfortably on his feet, not happy to watching this. But with the big brawny man at his shoulder, determined to keep him here as a witness, there was little he could do without causing a scene or creating a bigger problem for himself. He did what he could to stop watching; he closed his eyes.

A rather painful pinch to his arm, caused Tim to hiss and open his eyes, to find Mitch watching him as he hissed in his ear. "You're missing it, man. Watch. It's just getting good!"

Looking anywhere but directly back to the scene in front of him, Tim could still hear all too well, the evidence of what he refused to watch.

"So, it's a big turn on for you when your Master punishes you?"The Master bellowed loud enough that all the spectators would hear it and verbalize their interest even more. "That why you're so disobedient? Now show your Master how much you love him!"

As the mistakable sounds of someone giving oral pleasure to another filled the speakers amidst the murmurs of the satisfied crowd, Tim closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Mentally, he couldn't stop berating himself

_How could he ever have thought for a minute that this was what he wanted to subject himself to? God, sometimes he could be so stupid! He needed to go home and think about this. Gibbs had offered him a genuine relationship and Tim had practically thrown it back in his face because he'd been too afraid he wasn't good enough for the older man and it would only be a matter of time before Gibbs realized it and kicked him to the curb, God, Tim could be such a jackass sometimes! It would serve him right if the man he'd long wanted but was deathly afraid of reaching out for, now left him without a second look! Tim deserved to be alone and lonely for the rest of his life after this! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!_  
_  
_Still hemmed in by the crowd and the burly man who obviously had no intention of letting Tim go, the roar of the crowd filled Tim's ears and as it died down, he found his eyes drawn once more to the display where amidst the sub's cries of both pleasure and pain, the Master was deliberately forcing his sub to stand back up and then backing him up to the weight bench set up for use by the exhibitioners. The Sub tried to back up under his own steam, but was thrown off balance with his cuffed wrists still behind his back, practically throwing himself down on the bench to keep from falling over it in a painful way.

With no wasted time or effort, the Dom pulled his sub's arms up over his head and hooked the metal bracelets over the pin holding the weights in place.

"DON'T MOVE THEM!" The Dom demanded sternly as he roughly undressed himself the rest of the way and was quickly standing naked over his sub. Roughly, the Dom shoved his sub's legs up and hooked his feet over the bar, in between his bound wrists,

Tim tried to block it all out at that point. He'd heard more than enough and he'd definitely seen more than he needed to.

"AAAHH!" The scream of ecstasy mixed with pain, sent Tim over the top of revulsion.

He was going to be sick. Shuddering, Tim turned away. He couldn't listen for another second, regardless what Mitch at his shoulder would think to do to stop him from leaving. While his heart had been sickened by the spectacle he'd seen; his libido, to his own horror, had found it exciting and pleasurable enough that he was no longer looking disinterested and was now seriously worried about being able to make a clean getaway. _What the hell was wrong with him?_

_God, he'd promised Gibbs he wouldn't come anywhere near one of these places without him, and yet here he was without the wingman Gibbs told him he'd need. How the hell did he manage to forget that promise? _

He hadn't taken two steps when his shoulders were grabbed roughly, Mitch's pudgy face a mere foot from his own, and his eyes staring at Tim's tightening crotch.

"Wow! Look at how turned on _you_ are, sweet cheeks! You look so luscious with that lust filled starry-eyed glaze. I saw that thrill of ecstasy just run through you as you watched that incredible scene, just like it did me. God, I can't wait to taste you, you deliciously un-collard sub, you. Lemme kiss you." The burly man couldn't stop touching Tim or speaking the words that spoke of his heightened lust for Tim.

Without any further warning, a large, bruising wet mouth crushed Tim's own, demandingly, suffocatingly, trying desperately to get Tim to let him in as one big burly hand wrapped itself around Tim's bicep and the other one began manhandling Tim's already sensitized groin to the point of causing Tim pain.

"You'll love being my sub. I'll make you so happy, you'll never wanna leave me." Mitch was nearly babbling with wanton hope and lust through his messy idea of a kiss. "It's obvious you don't have a Dom anymore or he'd a been all over your luscious ass already after that show! Lemme take care of ya. I'll treat ya right, I promise.

Breathing heavily, Tim tried desperately to pull away, only to be pulled in tighter by unrelenting tree trunks disguised as arms, with meaty hands now roughing him up even more harshly, as one hand nearly crushed his now hurting member, nearly bringing tears to his eyes. "Where ya going? You'll be fine with me. I won't hurt you."

"**Get your hands off my boy!"** The quiet, yet deadly snarl came from out of the blue, startling both Tim and his assuming Dom-wannabe, both of them finding an extremely pissed Leroy Jethro Gibbs now standing right next to both of them, his eyes cold and full of angry steel.

Mitch was quick to jerk his hands away from Tim's hips, but not so quick to lose the cocky stance or expression. ''He said he was a free agent!"

"No he didn't." Gibbs glared the other man into submission, his absolute trust in what he was saying, obvious in his tone and his eyes. He knew Tim wasn't that stupid. He'd never say that in a place like this; in any place.

"Alright, _Those_ words didn't come out of his mouth. He said he was just visiting. No commitments. But, he's got no collar! Nobody's stupid enough to come in here like that! How the hell was I supposed to know he was yours? How do I know you're telling me the truth?" Mitch argued heatedly.

"Ask him!" Gibbs growled menacingly. "Look him straight in the eye and ask him!"

"You his?" The pissed off burly man demanded, now angry at having been played.

Tim looked Mitch straight on and swore from the bottom of his heart. "I've been his for 8 years. I'd give my life for him."

"Oh, Ain't' that sweet!" The now angry man mocked angrily. "Why the hell are you here playing like you're available then, **slave**?"

"Hey! You watch your mouth!" Gibbs demanded as he approached Mitch's personal space once more, hoping to intimidate him into calming down. "He is a human being and you damn well better treat him like one!"

"Yeah? You two obviously don't belong in here! "A sub's a sub and if you know what's good for him, and for you; you'll get the hell outta here and don't come back until you remind him how to act like the sub he is! He doesn't belong in here if he can't abide by the rules! Mitch demanded angrily. "You've got five minutes to clear out before you get thrown in as the next exhibition! And if you even think you're walkin' outta here with him without someone rippin' his gorgeous ass away from you, you better collar him, real quick-like!"

Tim froze. Tears filled his eyes as he blinked them away furiously; Gibbs compassionate vow of just a few weeks ago coming back to him now.

_"I won't let you get caught up in believing you need to be someone's sub."_

Gibbs schooled his features, quickly sliding on his unreadable expression as he dug his hands into his jacket pocket and pulled out a submissive's collar, complete with short leash. Deliberately glaring at Tim as his temporary role called for, he wordlessly placed the collar around his agent's neck and attached it, making sure it was almost too tight. He wasn't taking any chances of anyone here trying to literally snag the young man out from underneath him as they made their getaway.

For a long silent minute, the two stood like statues, the spirit-crushing effect of the situation encasing both of them almost entirely. Gibbs knew he needed to be barking at Tim and treating him like the sub he was supposed to be in here; but he couldn't bring himself to treat Tim that way, no matter how pissed he was that Tim had put himself in this position.

"Clock's tickin!" Mitch's angry warning sounded, "And you sure as hell ain't actin' like you're his Dom! PLEASE, don't tell me you're one of those pairs who've actually gone and done the stupid thing – that fallin' in love crap!"

"Yeah." Gibbs replied quietly without taking his eyes off Tim.

"I hate guys like you! You guys should be banned from our clubs! Go on, git the hell outta here!" Mitch growled angrily.

Tim's eyes remained glued to the floor as he, too remained silent even when Gibbs gently flicked the leash in silent direction. The young 'sub' followed the unspoken command, walking off-sides from 'his Dom', his head still down and his eyes still glued to the floor all the way out of the club. Ignoring the cat-calls and wolf whistles, Gibbs steadily kept walking, his attention glued to the path to the door, with his peripheral vision glued to Tim.

Once they'd made it out to the parking lot, Gibbs lost no time in walking them to his car, not letting go of the leash until he had Tim safely tucked away in the passenger seat; dropping the leash in Tim's lap as he locked the door and closed it shut with a slam. As quickly as he could, the Team Leader got around the driver's side and dropped into the driver's seat, closing and locking his own door. Without any more time wasted, he cranked the engine and slid the car into gear without raising a ruckus, driving away from the club as inconspicuously as he possibly could, being quick to get lost in the flow of D.C. nightlife traffic.

Once he was sure they weren't being tailed, Gibbs pulled over and cut the engine. Looking over at his youngest agent, he couldn't help be feel the guilt and self-recrimination literally rolling off of him in waves even before he noticed in the reflection on the window glass. The single tear sliding down Tim's face, turned away from him and the shoulders slouched in complete misery and self-appointed shame nearly broke Gibbs' heart.

Drawing in a deep breath and slowly letting it back out, Gibbs forced himself to calm down. Reaching over without saying a word, Gibbs unbuckled the collar and along with the leash, threw it on the back floorboard of his car, quickly returning his hand to Tim's neck, applying what he hoped was comforting pressure, still not saying a word.

Tim's breath caught on a choked sob as he turned his head even further away, his shame literally taking him over.

Gibbs let him work to pull himself together for a few minutes, waiting until he felt Tim calm down beneath his still present hand before he spoke quietly into the pain-filled silence; no anger or repulsion tainting his quiet, soothing tone.

"No one is ever gonna treat you like what you saw in there tonight. You're safe now. "

Again, Tim's breath hitched, but this time it was in shocked disbelief.

As if he read Tim's mind, Gibbs dared to do what he usually hated to do. He initiated further conversation; knowing it was what Tim needed right now.

"Hard lesson learned tonight. But, it's done. Time to move on. Think you can do that?"

Immediately, Tim's emotions got shoved back under the rock they usually got shoved under when he hid them from the world and he wiped his face of all traces of his tears. Tim finally dared to look at the older man. "No." he answered sorrowfully.

"Why not?" Gibbs asked almost conversationally.

"I'm sor…" Tim began to offer.

"**Don't**." Gibbs warned as he let his temper slip loose of his control just enough that Tim knew it was still sitting between them even as his eyes remained glued to Tim's.

Watching the look of hurt that filled Tim's eyes at his barked warning; a look that screamed of being stabbed in the heart, almost broke Gibbs' heart. Still, he had to be the tough Marine here or Tim wouldn't come out of this with anything learned.

"You'd better have a damn good reason for breaking your promise ." the older man switched gears and turned up the anger a notch now that door had been cracked open.

"Didn't wanna bother you." Tim muttered regretfully.

Gibbs slammed his hand down on the steering wheel, "Damn it, Tim! You really believe your safety is an acceptable casualty in this war you insist on having with yourself?"

With a ragged sigh of resigned guilt, Tim shook his head in denial without speaking, his eyes once more gluing themselves to the floor in front of his feet.

"LOOK AT ME!" Gibbs demanded, his anger now seriously poked with the foolish stick of Tim's hay wired manners getting in the way.

Tim did as he was told, this time without hesitation.

"If you didn't want to see where this could go between us; all you had to do is say so! Putting yourself in danger to make the point is unacceptable, do you hear me?" Gibbs raged as his temper soared to the rooftop.

Realizing that his insecurities and acute fear of being inferior had led him to royally screw things up with Gibbs; just as he'd feared it had, Tim couldn't help but feel the pain of having lost his last chance at something real, so sharply it took his breath away. As the tears came more aggressively, Tim looked away and wiped at them as he nodded silently in answer to Gibbs' anger driven question. The last thing he'd ever wanted to do was hurt this man who'd opened his heart up to him; and his private lifestyle; a gift that in reality, Tim held most precious. _God, how could he fix this now? Was there any hope?_

Gibbs forced himself to calm down again as he turned the car back on and drove to the younger man's apartment. Tim was safe and untouched, for the most part. That was what was important here. _No! What's just as important is that he never do anything so stupid again! What the hell's wrong with this kid, anyway?_

Fuming with anger at what Tim had put himself through and not just tonight at that dangerous club, but over the last few weeks, what with losing sleep and pulling away from Gibbs every attempt to reach out to him personally, silence soon filled the air between them with only the sounds of Tim's attempts to put his emotions away to break it up. Before he realized it, Gibbs had reached Tim's apartment and watching the young man try to escape as quickly as he could, already half way across the parking lot of his apartment before the Team Leader was even able to open his mouth.

"HEY!" Gibbs barked across the parking lot.

Tim immediately froze in his steps and turned around to see what the boss wanted, his eyes wary and guarded against whatever happened to be coming his way.

Without anything else said, Gibbs locked his car up and walked to meet up with the unmoving agent who now wore the look of impending doom. As he reached him, Gibbs roughly cuffed him on the back of the head and glared at him. "Don't **ever** do anything like this again!"

"I won't." Tim promised quietly, his abject apology and self-dosed humiliation still radiating from him.

"I know." Gibbs relayed in his soothing calm tone, providing Tim with verbal proof that he was still trusted and cared about, despite the recklessness he'd exhibited tonight.

Tim stopped moving as he took in what the older man's words meant underneath the surface. _It couldn't be what he thought he was hearing. There was no way Gibbs would forgive him that easy; not on this personal level._

"C'mon, you need to eat something and hit the hay. I know you didn't eat any dinner and that was hardly a decent lunch you ingested earlier today."

With nothing further said between them, the walk to the elevator was a silent one, as was the ride up to Tim's floor. Even the short walk to Tim's door was completed without breaking the silence between them.

Once inside Tim's apartment, the young man motioned towards his hallway. "I'm gonna go take a shower and go to bed. You don't have to stay, Boss." Tim offered meekly.

"Not goin' anywhere until I know you've eaten a decent meal, Tim." Gibbs replied without missing a beat. "Go on, go do whatever you need to. I'm gonna make some coffee."

"Okay." Tim replied as he practically stumbled down the hall in his haste to retreat from the one person he'd messed things up with so royally, it almost made him sick to his stomach just thinking about it.

Gibbs watched Tim stumble and catch himself as he hurried away from him. Shaking his head in disbelief at the night this had turned into, the Team Leader quickly turned his attention to making a fresh pot of coffee and throwing together a sandwich from the supplies in Tim's refrigerator to feed him when he was done in the shower. He still couldn't believe their good luck that Gibbs had thought to follow Tim tonight.

It wasn't but a mere ten minutes later that Tim returned to the kitchen, freshly showered and smelling of coconut shower gel and coconut shampoo, enough that Gibbs was almost ready to throw caution to the wind and take him right then and there.

Forcing his inner urges back down under control, the Team Leader slid the plate with the sandwich over in front of his agent and planted a bottled water from the frig down in front of him.

"Thanks, Boss." Tim offered quietly as, almost on autopilot, he made his way through the dinner made for him and rose to clean up the mess as soon as he was done eating.

"Nope. Go on to bed. I got this." Gibbs informed him in his 'don't argue with me' tone.

"Thanks." Tim offered again as he trudged wearily off to bed, his mind so full of everything he'd seen, heard and gone through tonight, almost overloading his brain.

Not wanting Tim to experience bad dreams from what he witnessed tonight, Gibbs made a point to call out to him before he completely disappeared into his rom.

"Tim!"

"Boss?" The younger man asked as he stopped walking and turned back.

Gibbs walked up to him and gently cupped his cheek in his palm. "Remember what I said tonight. You're safe now."

Tim swallowed hard around the lump in his throat as he instinctively leaned into the older man's rare demonstration of affection, still very hungry for it.

Sliding his hand back around Tim's head and down to his neck just under his hair, Gibbs kept his tone gentle as he told him one more thing. "Everything'll work out. Go on to bed."

Silently, Tim nodded and took himself off to bed, hoping against hope, he'd wake up in the morning and all of what had happened tonight will have just been a really bad dream


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N:** _Some of you may find it strange – the contents of Tim's dreams after the night he's had – but obviously when the right person's looking out for him – it does wonders for where his mind goes….._

* * *

_The darkened look of lust coming at him from those captivating eyes, now staring at him with an unwavering look of unadulterated want sends a spike of electricity straight through him. He keeps his eyes locked on them, needing to make the connection and keep it, strengthen it, get lost in it as the gently exploring kiss sends shivers of wanting need down his spine._

_He's unable to stop the moan that escapes though the kiss as that warm and inviting mouth begins exploring further than their previously sensuous kisses that stole his heart and his breath ever had before._

"_Sssh. Relax, I've got you now" As the comforting words reach his ears, strong, yet gentle fingers ghost trails around his cheek bones, over to his ears and downward, traveling gently and provocatively down to his chest, where they slip the buttons free on his shirt and sneak inside, finding his nipples, first one and then the other, gently tweaking and massaging them each in turn._

_"Ooh! " Tim moans as pleasure spiks through him from his loins all the way down to his toes. As his lover's mouth continues to make love to his own mouth, the fingers continues to torment gently as they now move even further south and begin paving a gentle trail in and around his sensitive belly button._

_Suddenly his pleasure encompasses all his thoughts as the sensually gravel voice speaks softly into his ear yet again. "Let me hear you, Tim. I want to hear what makes you feel good. Just let it out. Don't be afraid.."_

_"Ooh, Leroy, don't stop!" Tim moans as his now achingly hard rod begins throbbing with need, his hands fisting the sheets on both sides of him even as his back arches up off the bed and his head rolling from side to side restlessly._

_"Then you don't want me to do this?" The voice teases just before taking a nipple into his mouth and gently lapping at it and suckling it as one calloused hand gently yet firmly holds him down at his hip._

_"OH! God! Leroy, Yes!" Tim moaned, his head continued to roll back and forth on the bed as he toes curled on the end of the bed, his spine arching up even further into the new sensation that sent a jolt of pure pleasure through him.. _

_"Or this?" the teasing went on, as suddenly a strong yet gentle hand had encased his aching member through the opening of his boxers and began stroking it soothingly in gentle motions, while a puff of gentle air breathed onto his sensitive tip once, twice…._

_"AH! Oh! So good, don't stop!" Tim babbled as the molten heat rose up from his gut, drawing him up tight as it climbed higher and higher, so quickly it nearly stopped his heart. "Yes! Oh, God! Cuming! Oh AAHHH!" _

With a huge gasp for air, Tim bolted upright in bed, again, jolted from his sleep by the vivid dream, this time so sensual and real, he felt tears in his eyes as he came back to the reality that it _was_ just a dream. Again_. Or was it? _Taking a minute to gather his wits about him, he soon realized it _hadn't_ just been a dream this time and he needed a shower as well as a clean set of sheets for his bed.

With a moan of disappointment that his dream hadn't been real enough, even though his body felt less tightly strung now, Tim got out of bed and padded to the shower, stripping out of his now soaked and sticky boxers as he went. He hadn't taken three steps when it hit him. _Coffee!_ Turning back around, he headed for his kitchen, intent on starting the coffee maker and letting it brew while he took his shower.

_****NCIS****_

From the couch in Tim's living room, Gibbs heard Tim shouting out his name in what sounded like a shout of ecstasy in what had to be a dream and heard his breathing change that signified he' woken up. The young man's jolted heavy breathing was another sign that the cause for Tim being awake was the intensity of whatever experience his dream had brought him. Getting up to check on his agent with a small smile on his face, the older man had almost reached the kitchen when the younger one came out of the bedroom naked , eyes not even focused as he headed straight for the coffee pot.

Watching him from the shadows of the dark doorway, Gibbs frowned. Apparently, Tim hadn't realized the older man would stay the night to make sure he was alright. Retreating back to the living room, Gibbs waited until he heard Tim walk back to his bedroom. Working hard to get his breathing back under control and then counting to 100, he then went to check on him, wanting to make sure whatever place he'd been in his dream wasn't messing with Tim's head any worse than what he'd already been thinking and investigating on his own these past few weeks had been doing. At least that was the excuse running around in his head.

As the sound of Tim's bathroom shower reached his ears, Gibbs thought to check the clock. With a frown, he realized it was only two A.M. The next thought that crossed his mind was to turn on the bedroom light and see just what state Tim's bed was in, to see if he could tell just how intense the dream had been. Upon close inspection, Gibbs had to smile. He made quick work of stripping the bed, locating the sheets and towels and remaking the bed before heading to the bathroom door with the towels.

Tim had silently trekked to his bathroom, too distracted to remember to take clean towels or even get a change of clothes for himself and wasted no time in getting under the hot spray that had soon begun working to soothe his aches and tension. Caught up in the soothing ministration of the nearly scalding water's effect on his neck and back muscles, Tim never noticed Gibbs brief appearance.

Gibbs silently tossed the towels onto the closed toilet seat cover before retreating back out to the kitchen. He needed coffee because he wanted this opportunity to go well and that meant he had to be on top of his game so he wouldn't screw this up. The fact that Tim hadn't shut the bathroom door before getting into the shower proved that he didn't realize Gibbs would have stayed to make sure he was alright after the events of last night. While that in and of itself was an issue Gibbs wanted to deal with later; right now, he was more concerned about making sure Tim didn't get the crap scared out of him when he saw Gibbs here.

Tim turned the shower off and got out, only to be brought up short at the sight of fresh towels sitting there where he needed them to be; but where they hadn't been when he'd gotten into the shower. _Did that mean what he thought it meant? Had Gibbs stayed after all? What would happen next? Was Tim really ready to test the waters? He'd wanted to for so long, what if he wasn't good enough? Oh, but he wanted to at least give it a try, so badly, he could taste it!_ _Wait! He had no right to even expect that now! Didn't he realize that? He'd screwed that up last night! Probably for good!_

He guessed it was his just desserts that his dreams had decided to finally show him just how pleasureable it could have been: what it would have been like; at least he thought that's what they were showing him. Mentally giving himself a headshake, Tim wrapped a towel around his waist and then towel-dried his hair and upper body Smoothing his hair back out of his face, he tossed the towel over the shower curtain rod and headed back to the bedroom to face the embarrassing chore of changing his bedsheets at two in the morning.

Again, he was brought up short in surprise; this time at the softly lit room and the freshly made bed with the covers turned down invitingly. It would be so easy just to slip back in bed and go back to sleep. But somehow, his brain refused to even think about that option for longer than a minute. In mutiny, his brain, instead, returned to his dream

_"Everything'll be alright ..Let me hear you, Tim. I want to hear what makes you feel good. Just let it out. Don't be afraid."_

_"_Damn!" Tim muttered as he stood still looking down at his bed while the memory of the dream began arouse him yet again, his healthy manhood once again rising to the occasion.

"You okay?" Gibbs asked behind him where he stood in the open door of Tim's bedroom

Glancing at the man at the heart of his sensuous dreams and waking hard-on's, Tim answered without even thinking of what he was going to say. "I'm okay. Sorry if I woke you." He offered quietly as he suddenly found himself unable to look away from those eyes.

"Nothing to apologise for." Gibbs told him while continuing to scrutinize what Tim's eyes were showing. He saw the fear and the desire, both fighting to control his next move. He knew Tim wanted to take the next step; had wanted to for a while now, especially after spending those four hours in that club last night, watching other men enjoy their partners and some even their subs. But thanks to a word of advice from Ducky, the Team Leader knew exactly what was going on.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"_Ducky, for cryin' out loud! I'm followin' him right now! Why the hell is he still doin' this instead of talkin' to me? Why didn't he call me to be his wingman like he promised?" Gibbs demanded over the phone as he followed Tim from a discreet distance._

"_Because, Jethro. Timothy is still trying to find his way through this maze he's stuck in in a way that will not cause either you or himself any more pain. He firmly believes that he is not enough of a person to make you happy in the long run. Rather than cause you pain from a relationship he believes is destined to fail, he is refusing to give in although there is absolutely nothing he wants more."_

"_What the hell are you talkin' about? I already promise him, I wouldn't hurt him. Damn it, Duck, he told me he trusted me! So why is he goin' out on his own like this? Is this his idea of trust all of a sudden?"_

"_Exactly what did he say he trusted you with, my friend?"_

"_What?"_

"_Jethro, exactly what did Timothy say he trusted you with? Think back. This is very important!"_

"_His life. He said he trusted me with his life. He's always felt that way. We all know that!"_

"_Exactly, Jethro. He trusts you with his life."_

"_Yeah. Okay, what am I missin'?"_

"_Jethro, he's not able to trust anyone with his heart, not even himself, apparently."_

_***END FLASHBACK***_

Gibbs sighed as his mind came back to the present. He now knew that Tim was so convinced he wasn't good enough, that he'd refused to even try; choosing instead, to run away from any kind of relationship with Gibbs. In what he hoped was a silent show of support, the older man remained in standing in place, waiting for Tim to make the first move.

Almost as if the free pass from the older man was more than Tim felt he deserved, the younger man's eyes slid to the floor and his shoulders lost some height even though he remained frozen in place.

"Hey." Gibbs offered gently as he stepped up to his freshly showered, nearly naked agent deliberately ignoring the towel wrapped around the slender hips and his incredibly sexy nearly hairless chest, although his trousers were quickly becoming uncomfortable.

Tim shuddered at the affect Gibbs' gentle tone of voice always had on him. Looking into the older man's eyes, he felt magnetically pulled into their promising depths, feeling safe there, here, in this moment, before anything else happened; regardless of what had already happened.

Sensing Tim's fear was on the horizon, ready to steal this opportunity away, Gibbs made the next move, carefully and gently. "C'mon." he pulled Tim to him, wrapping one arm around his shoulders. "How 'bout you get some sweats on and we'll go sit on the couch and relax, alright? No pressure, no expectations."

Tim nodded into the older man's shoulder but didn't move away or even move his feet, forcing Gibbs to remain standing still for the moment, the uncertainty and guilt still permeating the air between them.

"Last night's gone. Done. This is now. Fresh start." Gibbs told him, knowing where Tim's mind was getting mired. The older man was rock hard and calling up all his self-restraint to focus on where Tim's head was and not give in to kissing him into a place where he could finally wrap his mind around being wanted and cherished.

Tim drew back and looked into the older man's eyes, searching for the honesty that would uphold that promise. Gibbs gave him what he needed as he looked at him with the same unflinching promise of protection and honesty_._

"I'll be in the kitchen when you're ready. You up for that coffee now?"

"Sure. Thanks." Tim answered quietly as he turned to pick up the clean pair of sweats lying on the end of the bed for him to change into. It only took him a minute to drag them on and whip a comb through his hair and then he was done.

Watching the young man make his way to the counter in the kitchen, Gibbs couldn't help but draw him back to him with one arm reaching for him and wrapping around his shoulder in an effort to maintain that comforting presence until they'd talked through everything Tim needed help sorting through. As Tim once again nearly melted into Gibbs' one armed embrace, the older man thought of something vital they needed to clear the air about.

"You remember the other day when I said I thought you trusted me?"

The quiet reminder of that painful conversation hit Tim in the heart. He did trust Gibbs; trusted him with his life. What he still didn't trust was that he was good enough for the former Marine turned hard-ass, take no prisoner's boss who happened to now be interested in Tim as significant other for the long haul.

"It's okay, Tim. I get it now. You trust me with your life. It's your heart you haven't been able to trust anyone with in a long time. Not even yourself. It's understandable with my track record with relationships, that you'd be afraid to trust me with it."

Shocked that the older man completely understood what Tim himself hadn't even been able to admit, and even seemed to be genuinely understanding about it instead of angry or upset, the younger man found himself rendered completely speechless.

Sighing into the unexpected silence, Gibbs did another unexpected thing; he kept talking." I promised I wasn't walking out on you and you know I don't say things I don't mean. Wherever this goes. I won't turn you away. Nothing you can do will make that happen."

Tim still felt like he was floating in a dream here and he wasn't willing to find his life preserver suddenly yanked from him, leaving him to drown in these unfamiliar waters. With the uncertainty beginning to rise up, he smiled hesitantly as he looked at Gibbs. His heart skipped a beat, he was so happy right now, he felt almost giddy, some of what he was feeling, slipping out to be heard in a soft confession he hadn't planned on making.

"I've wanted this for so long. I know that first night was real, but…" Tim hesitancy had him forestalling anything else he might have wanted to say. Gathering up his inner courage, he tried to finish what he needed Gibbs to hear and understand all in one sitting so they'd never have to bring it up again. It was all too embarrassing to have to talk about it more than once. "Thought if I kept you at arm's length; if I refused to let myself get comfortable with you, then you wouldn't be able to find out I wasn't good enough. That you'd realize I was going to be too much work. I thought if I didn't give you the chance to get closer , you'd give up before you found any of that out. I thought if I kept myself busy watching other people already …"

Gibbs' heart was up in his throat at the shy, quiet string of admissions from the younger man. He could see the fear and doubt still lingering in Tim's eyes even as he voiced his long buried secret. "You thought all this fighting with yourself and forcing yourself to keep up this 'research' the way you have, would chase me away" Gibbs surmised quietly as he watched the younger man react to both the atmosphere and the conversation. "That why you went there tonight without me as your wing man?"

"No. I really did forget about that. I guess I was so buried under everything I'd been reading up on and thinking about, that I completely forgot we even had that conversation. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted. Tim. But, don't ever let me hear you say you're not good enough; for anyone." He ordered quietly but with complete authority mixed with genuine concern.

"Habits are hard to break." Tim admitted quietly, his eyes looking at the wall past Gibbs' shoulder.

Reading between the lines, Gibbs understood what Tim was really saying. Enough people in Tim's life had shown him that he wasn't good enough in their eyes; girlfriends that used him; friends that stopped being his friend when the bullies found him; and so forth, that the young man had begun to believe it about himself long enough ago that it would indeed be a tough habit to break him from. The older man didn't know where this shockingly endless supply of patience he'd found when it came to this budding relationship with Tim had come from. He just knew he was profoundly grateful for it.

Taking in the sudden silence and stillness from the young man at his side, Gibbs figured Tim was trying to process everything he'd forced himself to go through in his efforts to keep from falling into something he'd been so afraid of having ripped away from him at the first sign of trouble. All these weeks of going to clubs and reading for hours about them and the groups and rules and habits of a lifestyle he knew Tim didn't even want had seriously messed with Tim's head. Gibbs hoped Tim was done running away from this; hoped his fear of rejection and failure had at least dwindled enough that he was ready to see the truth; hear it and feel it. He hoped Tim was ready to tell him why he felt like he needed to be less than equal to whatever relationship he chose now. It was all he could do to hold himself back from making love to this gentle soul right here and now, completely, wholly and without any inhibitions whatsoever.

Without another word, Gibbs walked with Tim to the living room as together they got comfortable on the couch. Waiting only until the younger man stopped shifting and settled down, he tilted Tim's head up, he bent his just enough that their lips met in a gentle kiss that literally sent a shiver down the older man's spine. Gently, Gibbs drew back from the kiss and protectively pulled Tim to him so they could enjoy the moment. It was taking all of his self-control and patience, not to ravish Tim right then and there, but he had to wait. They had to do this at Tim's speed and even if the younger man wanted to; they could not rush this _But, dear God; he wanted to taste Tim from head to toe, every nook and cranny; show him the way he deserved to be treated; kindness and compassion, gentle and genuine._

Looking at the long silent older man, Tim trembled at the look in Gibbs' eyes, a look that he'd first noticed there, when Gibbs was helping him get out of the club earlier tonight. Gibbs continued to hold his patience in check, as he reached out to soothingly and repeatedly smooth his hand down Tim's back. Tim sighed,sliding down further on the couch to where his head could nestle into Gibbs' shoulder_;_ like he had been waiting for Gibbs to touch him all along_. _He was practically purring as the older man soothingly ran his fingers through his hair as he sat nestled beside him, Tim smiled with a sigh as the older man's arm unconsciously tightened around him.

It wasn't long before he felt Tim's body completely relax against him into an almost boneless state as the young man was finally lulled to sleep. Gibbs pulled Tim tighter to him and pressed a kiss to his forehead, smiling when Tim melted even further into him with a sigh. Gibbs settled in for the duration, knowing Tim was both physically and mentally exhausted and would sleep well tonight.

Gibbs didn't mind spending the night this way; in fact, he would cherish every minute of being able to hold Tim this way; knowing the young man felt completely safe here within his arms. No, he definitely didn't mind this at all.


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: **_Another FR-21 Chapter - for about a minute_

* * *

_Darkness surrounds him and he's finding it hard to breathe. Suddenly, and a gentle voice reaches his ear as he's enfolded into strong arms that have reached out to him sight unseen._

"_Trust me, Tim. Let go and trust me."_

_Guided by the voice he trusts above all others, Tim buries his head into the comforting embrace, too emotionally drained and needy to fight it any longer. Who is he to look such a long sought after gift horse in the mouth? This is just a dream, right? It isn't like he's giving his heart away again. That part of himself is safe here, isn't it? Even so, he can still feel the tension cling to him like a stubborn vine afraid of being cut loose._

"_It's okay, Tim. I've got you." That voice murmurs softly as the arms that hold him begin gently soothing him with calming strokes of gentle sweeps on his back and arms, traveling further out with each stroke, the upward strokes reaching toward his neck and face as the downward strokes broaden out towards his stomach and even his sensitive navel._

_With his head still buried comfortably, his heart becomes open, almost desperate to read into the touches, stirring his responses up and turning up the heat. It isn't long before he can't keep his head down any longer, suddenly, longing for the absolute confirmation that this is indeed real. His eyes seek those of those that have long held his heart captive, wanting, needing to read them and get lost in them._

"_That's it, Tim. Look into my eyes. See that this is real."_

_Tim looks deep into those eyes, those trusting eyes that promise safety and is that love? Oh, God, if it only were love he saw there! Instantly, a tender caress is felt on his face and lips softened with passion meet his own, searchingly, achingly tender and yet promising more as Tim drinks from the kiss; moaning with pleasure even as he continue to drink as if he can't get enough. Relentlessly he returns the kiss with depth and a flurry of passion long retrained before now, his hands beginning to desperately blaze their own path of emblazoned sweet torture. _

_Strong arms move and those gentle hands come up to cup his face, stilling his frenetic movements. "Sssh. Easy, Tim." _

_Breathing heavily, Tim sags almost bonelessly on the chest that had just moments ago held him as those comforting arms had embraced him. God, he wishes he could stay here forever. Odd. Never in a million years would he have expected this to happen._

_Those arms come up to wrap him in that safe embrace once more even as tender kisses begin to rein down on his face, starting at his brow and moving all over his face until once again, his mouth is tenderly caught up in a soul searing kiss that melts his heart and brings tears to his eyes._

"_Okay?" the gentle question comes with an equally gentle finger that wipes away his tears._

"_Yeah. What's wrong with me?" Tim worries aloud._

"_Sensory overload. Just relax. Sleep, Tim." The quiet encouragement is accompanied by a tender kiss to the temple as they cuddle together once more._

"_So tired. Can't sleep but so tired. Nothing makes sense. Can't stop thinking about it all. So tired…" Tim's brain whines._

"_Ssh...Stop thinking. I've got you now. Go on to sleep." A hand comes up to gently push his head down onto a supportive chest, while the arms continue to support him._

_Tim nods and squirms until he's comfortable, nestled further into the arms that hold him, no longer thinking about anything or wrapped up in the worry of how it doesn't make sense._

_Deep from within his dream, he sleeps._

**NCIS***

Gibbs smiles softly as he looks down at Tim's sleeping face. He never imagined he'd be able to actually calm the young man in his restless rambling and moving around while he slept. Instinct had kicked in when Tim had begun kissing him so desperately and he'd found himself kissing Tim back so he could calm him and give him the connection he seemed to be searching for.

Hearing Tim ask what was wrong with him, had nearly broken his heart and he'd answered him honestly and had quickly set about comforting him and settling him back into sleep.

Maybe Tim would be ready to talk about things when he woke up. Laying his had atop of Tim's Gibbs allowed his own dreams to come find him and take him away, hoping they be full of Tim and their future together.

*****NCIS*******

"_I won't let you get caught up in believing you need to be someone's sub_."_ The soul-touching tender voice vows seductively, yet so seriously there is no doubt he means it wholeheartedly._

_Feeling warm all over from the trust and equal way in which he's being treated, Tim finds himself speechless yet nearly boneless with the need for this to go further than they've been before. God, he wanted to not only give himself completely, but to be given it all; now!_

_"Feel how much I want you." That same warm voice whispers warmly into his ear, as if echoing his own thoughts, causing his already roused erection to quiver with want and his inhibitions to fade away into nothing while rough feeling hands gently trace molten paths of blazing fire along his skin, stoking the fire hotter with every touch._

_Reaching out to hold his partner, Tim's breath hitches as he sees Gibbs's eyes darken with wanton lust. _

_Everything he's dreamt of but hasn't dare to hope for is right here in those warm blue pools of bottomless trust and desire staring back at him now, drawing him in. This time it's Tim who closes the gap between them, pulling the older man closer and kissing him the way he's been wanting to; wantonly, with nothing standing in the way._

_A moan of pleasure escapes his own lips, smothered in the kiss, as Gibbs's pulls him even closer still, one hand sliding around to hold him tight. Tim moans blissfully into the kiss again, finally allowing his eyes to close as he gives up control without even thinking about it, and feels the pleasure spike through him as the older man deepens the dance between their mouths. They break apart for a moment, panting; only to dive right back into another kiss, neither of them able to quench their thirst for the other._

_Almost tenderly, Gibbs pulls away, cupping one hand against Tim's cheek, "Let's go to bed." He suggests in a way that makes it Tim's decision since they've not been any further than this before._

_Tim nods, his body quivering with need, his legs feeling like jello while his heart beats wildly in his chest. _

_Gibbs nuzzles Tim's neck as one arm supports him around his waist. "Gonna make you feel so good, Tim." _

_Desire spikes even higher though Tim's spine and on down to his toes at that sensual voice promising something real. His already aching member jerks spasmodically to attention when Gibbs unexpectedly ghosts his hand across Tim's crotch, a tender smile still playing across his face._

_"Leroy!" Tim wimpers with both need and anticipation, his knees beginning to knock._

_With his smile now spread broadly across his face, Gibbs stops their movement toward the bedroom and turns Tim within his arm. Without any hands, the older man kisses him again; caressingly, enticingly and without reservation as he deals Tim a repeated touch to his nether region; this time with more pressure; enough to weaken Tim in the knees._

_"Oh! Gibbs!"_

**NCIS***

Bolting upright from within the gentle arms that have held him while he slept, Tim surges unsteadily to his feet in confusion and sexual tension, his swollen member already leaking and straining against what had been the restriction of his sweatpants. Standing still on wobbly legs, he runs a hand through his hair as he silently demands his brain come back online.

"Tim?" Gibbs asked as he stood up and joined Tim, ready to be there for him the moment he was asked.

Wordlessly, the younger man stubbornly refused to look his way; too embarrassed by these constant vivid dreams that have him so sexually charged he was almost powerless to think straight.

Gibbs tried again, this time pulling him gently into his arms as Tim stopped fighting him. "Do you really think you have to hide what you're feeling from me?" the tone was still the same compassionate and coaxing it had been all night, without anger or censure as the words were spoken soothingly into his ear.

All Tim could do was shake his head in denial. He knew Gibbs would never deliberately use how he felt against him, yet this was too surreal and too much of something he never believed possible for him to be able to wrap his mind around as the new reality he'd been lucky enough to find himself in.

Gentle, sympathetic and soothing had never been words closely associated with this older man's name and yet, those were qualities he was epitomizing so well right now, Tim felt like he was being wrapped in a protective cocoon made up of all three. It seemed unreal, but he really was tired of fighting what he'd been so desperate to find for so long. Lifting his head back up, he searched the older man's eyes yet again for the strength, honesty and trust he'd always found there.

"I won't hurt you." Gibbs swore with unwavering conviction, not even showing the slightest bit of anger at having to repeat himself.

Tim looked up at him with un-shuttered eyes; his want and hope swimming so clearly, it was all Gibbs could do not to sweep him up and get lost in the lust that roared through his veins at Tim's obvious readiness for the next step. All thoughts and emotions from earlier tonight at that club, leapt out the window, overtaken now by this very powerful moment between them that could not be denied any longer.

Deliberately harnessing his raging desires, Gibbs slipped into his most gentle gear, thrilled all the way to his soul to have been given this moment. Gently he kissed the younger man's soft lips, searchingly, invitingly. He'd leave the next step up to the younger man; all he could do was invite him in further than he'd done the last time they'd been together like this.

As Tim accepted the kiss and relished it, he found himself unable to hold back any longer. He let go and gave back with all the unleashed passion within him, wantonly, desperately drinking in the kiss and giving back urgently, primal want fueling every motion. Gibbs moaned inticingly before he could stop himself but pulled away in desperation, needing to yank his self control back into place for Tim's sake and his own.

As he held the young man away from him by the shoulders for a brief moment, Gibbs looked into his' eyes, now dark and hungry in their own rite. He quietly checked on how Tim was handling where things have gone between them. "Okay?"

Tim nodded wordlessly, his eyes large and expressive as always; now nearly shouting his thirst for more.

Gibbs pulled Tim tighter to him once more but this time did nothing more but hold him, almost as if he needed a moment to solidify their state of being okay with the progression of things between them. It wasn't a typical behavior for him, but he found himself cherishing the moment regardless.

When Gibbs didn't move, Tim slowly pulled away enough that he could bend his head until their lips touched, unwilling to be apart from his touch for that long. It wasn't long before the passion resurged between them, stealing their breaths as their arms wrapped around each other once more, desperation fueling Tim's relentless drive to drink from Gibbs' kiss like a man dying of thirst.

Only the need to breathe drove them apart this time, neither dropping their arms from the other as they stood, foreheads now touching gently, breaths coming in harsh spurts as hearts attempted to calm their racing.

Suddenly, as if from out of nowhere, Gibbs heard himself say. "We go into this as equals or not at all."

Hearing those words seemed to break the lock to Tim's heart that last precious bit, allowing his soul to nearly scream for more of what he was being promised in this moment_._ But Gibbs also saw the pain there for what he'd forced Gibbs to do in order to rescue him last night. It was to be expected since Tim was a sensitive soul and felt things like remorse and guilt more heavily than most people realized.

"Don't." Gibbs whispered, even though he still felt the pain himself, of having to put that damn collar on Tim, earlier. "It's over."

Tim nodded as relief filled his eyes. Without stopping to think or even ask, he stepped back into Gibbs' arms, silently asking to be held securely, safely, one last time before the passion that had fueled his journey so far, took him over and rendered him unable to think or reason; his readiness to take this further, left unspoken but definitely there for the taking.

As Gibbs reached out to smooth one of his hands down Tim's back. Tim sighed while the older man's' other hand covered Tim's hand, interlocking their fingers before bringing it up to cup Tim's cheek.

"Thank you." Gibbs murmured quietly in Tim's ear, his breath seductively teasing Tim's sensitive skin.

In genuine confusion, Tim looked up, the silent question in his eyes. _What on earth could Gibbs have to be thanking him for? Surely it needed to be the other way around!_

"For trusting me with your heart now. Thank you."


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: **_FR -21 - The beginning of a very intimate night for our two men_

_**A/N**__: - Author's 1st foray into this genre – hope no one is disappointed._

_A tiny trip down memory lane here - oh and better turn on a fan.. make it two._

* * *

_"Goodnight, Tim."  
"Night, Boss."  
"Gonna have to change that. "  
"Change?"  
"Not Boss between us like this, Tim."  
"Oh. Right."  
"Gibbs, then?"  
"Nah…. Jethro will work."  
"No, please. Not after I've had your namesake all this time..."  
"Oh, right."  
"Leroy?"  
"Works for me, Tim...You prefer Timmy?"  
"God, no!" ….."  
"Tim works for me, too."_

Standing here with Tim now, the younger man stock still in quiet contemplation while staying wrapped securely in Leroy's arms, the older man nearly shuddered to think what would have happened if he hadn't happened along last night when he did. No matter how hard he tried now, he couldn't quite get that image out of his head; Tim backed into a corner, being molested by the beefiest bastard in the whole damn club. Breathing harshly now, Gibbs tried to rein it in; tried to dispel the image but nothing was working hard enough to drive it from his mind.

Gibbs knew Tim was done with all of his ''research' into the idea of being a sub. It had taken every bit of self-control the older man had to stand by last night and watch Tim lose his stomach at what he'd seen. The worst moment had come when he'd lost track of his young man in the crowd and hadn't found him until several minutes later. Only the need to get Tim safely out of there last night had curbed Gibbs' urge to kill the bastard who'd been in the middle of mangling Tim's groin and reaching towards a collar to slap on Tim's neck. The Team Leader didn't think his young man was even aware just how close he'd come to being beyond rescuing last night.

Even after everything he'd seen and heard last night, the younger man still needed to be convinced he deserved more than that out of a relationship. Gibbs knew that and he knew that he, himself was partly to blame for that because he and Tim hadn't had any time to sit and talk about this since that first night it had come up. That was one of the reasons he'd been able to forgive him so quickly for what had happened at the club last night.

Granted, Tim had royally screwed up and forgotten his promise to Gibbs; not to mention; put himself in great jeopardy, but, so long as the young man had learned his lesson and understood he was not allowed to ever make the same screw-up again, they could learn from it and move on; together.

Gibbs didn't think he'd ever forget the pain he felt pierce through his soul at that moment he realized he'd have to put that collar on Tim in that club. He hoped he never had to lay eyes on that thing again; but more importantly he prayed that Tim would never again even come close to thinking that was the most he deserved in a relationship.

"I'm sorry." Tim whispered brokenly. "I know it's still stuck in your head, just like it is mine."

"Hey," Leroy gently corrected; sliding comfortably into that place they've mutually declared as okay, that of concerned lover as he crooked a finger under Tim's chin. "Just means it's time to change the picture. C'mere."

At the tender command, Tim stepped closer to the older man and allowed him to pull him up close and wrap him in an embrace, hearing more softly spoken words as he capitulated. "Have to let it go, Tim."

Tim nodded even as a question formed in his heart. Reluctant to destroy this moment of serenity, he held his peace.

"Something's botherin' ya. What is it?" Leroy offered knowingly as he gently set Tim away from enough to look into the younger man's eyes.

"When does this side of you disappear and the real you come back?" Tim questioned nervously. "You've always stuck to your rules and expected us to. Especially, Rule 12."

"Guidelines, Tim. That's all they are. Guidelines to keep all of you safe." The older man replied calmly as he kept his hold on the young man's arms, unwilling to let go. He was already fighting hard to keep from sweeping Tim off his feet and whisk him away to bed, to show him what a real relationship was supposed to be like for him.

Tim shook his head in serious denial. "You've always known we took them to be absolute rules to live by."

"Yeah. I'll admit. It was the only area where I could treat you as equals. It kept the team strong and on the same page." The Team Leader admitted. A long silence descended between them as neither seemed to want to do anything to mess things up between them. Just when Tim began to worry about the state of things between them, Leroy stepped back from him but kept his eyes locked on him.

"This what you want, Tim? Or do you want us to slow down and stop here for tonight?"

"Thought you said we were going to use your caution." Tim reminded him quietly.

"Only if you want to. I think you're ready."

Tim swallowed hard as he looked up at the older man and answered him from the bottom of his heart. "I'd really like for you to show me…everything - tonight."

Maintaining eye contact, Leroy nodded and stepped up to his young man. "I'd like that too, Tim."

Tim gave a small smile. Almost in a daze he felt his eyes slip closed as the lips of his lover gently moved against his own and drank from him in gentle caresses even though his mouth remained strong. It was a side of Leroy had Tim trembling. Their lips came apart when they both needed to draw in air.

Leroy cupped one hand against Tim's cheek, "Let's go to bed." He suggested in a way that made it Tim's decision since they've not been any further than this before.

Tim nodded, his body quivering with need, his legs feeling like jello while his heart beat wildly in his chest as the feeling of Deja-vu hit him, but with a smile as Tim realized this is his dream all over again, literally this time.

Leroy nuzzled Tim's neck as one arm supported him around his waist. Desire spiked even higher though Tim's spine and on down to his toes at that sensual voice promising something real. His already aching member quickly thickened and stretched his pants painfully tight when Leroy unexpectedly ghosted his hand across Tim's groin, a tender smile still playing across his face. "Oohhh!" he moaned with both need and anticipation, his knees growing weak.

With his smile now spread broadly across his face, Leroy stopped their movement toward the bedroom and turned Tim within his arm. Without any hands, the older man kissed him again; caressingly, enticingly and without reservation as he dealt Tim a repeated touch to his nether region; this time with more pressure; enough to weaken Tim in the knees and wring a moan of spiked desire from his lips. "Leroy!"

Pulling back, Leroy softly spoke. "I'm gonna show you how you should be treated, Tim."

Enraptured, the younger man locked gazes with his new lover and found his breath stall at the look of raw desire etched on the face he couldn't get enough of looking at, as he spoke that half-promise, half-vow. Almost immediately, Leroy leaned back in reconnecting their mouths, bringing a hand up to smooth back Tim's hair before bringing it down to gently cup the beautiful jaw line he found there.

Automatically Tim leaned into the touch and pressed closer to the other man. Finally Tim could take no more and opened his mouth inviting Leroy in. Tim felt the warm tongue slipping into his mouth, exploring everywhere, far more possessively than he ever experienced before the passion of it overwhelming his senses.

Tim answered the kiss eagerly as the older man began caressing his chest. A shiver of pure sensual delight ran down the young man's spine and burst into sparkles behind his eyes that flew everywhere he felt himself being touched by his new lover. Even with Leroy barely touching him, he felt the pure adrenaline rush and couldn't help but moan with the exquisite feel to it

"That's it, Tim." Leroy spoke softly as he ruffled through the young man's hair. "Just relax and let go."

Tim could feel the breath of the older man warming up his face and even his lips as his lover leaned towards him and kissed him again, gently parting his lips with his tongue. The younger man answered the kiss eagerly as Leroy caressed Tim's chest, sending a shiver down the younger man's spine as a gentle hand smoothed back his hair, traveled down his face slowly and teasingly as it kept going around to his cheek where it stopped and held him.

"Okay?"

Tim nodded. As he looked into Leroy'' eyes, dark, hungry and dilated with his arousal, his body nearly vibrating with electric current of rising lust. Suddenly, he found that he couldn't breathe. Just as suddenly, Leroy mouth was reclaiming his – gently asking to be let in again, his lips touching Tim's until the younger man throatily moaned, opening his mouth, letting him in again, letting him explore more; letting him learn Tim's mouth further, with Tim taking him in and begging for more in return.

Soon, the inhibitions were slipping away and they were two lovers getting to know each other's mouths and making love to them, in unison and equally shared passion, with Leroy letting Tim set the pace. Impassioned moans filling the air between them as both sought to quench their thirst for all their partner could give. Tim locked his mouth firmly on his lover's; his tongue searching and teasing on its' own before settling the kiss back into the slow, sensual, rousingly breathtaking dance so poignant and powerful, Tim had to break away to catch his breath...

Breathing hard, he closed his eyes, hiding behind the wall of his eye lids. _This could not be real. It was too much like heaven. Oh, God, why couldn't this be real?_

"Hey." The older man's soft voice reached his ears at the same time as his caressing hands cradled his face reassuringly yet again.

Opening his eyes again, Tim had no choice but to look into those gorgeous, trusting globes of the deepest blue he'd ever seen. _God, he'd always longed for this moment_. Yet, he knew that somehow, he is still dreaming. He seriously hoped he would never wake up

"You're fighting this too hard. Just let go." Leroy gently admonished as he stroked his hand down the side of Tim's cheek, stopping his hand there to hold him steady

Tim shook his head, his mind desperately needing this to be real, fighting with his heart desperately believing it was real.

"Tim. Look at me." Leroy gently requested

The younger man took a deep breath and let it out in a huff of frustration as he blinked and then did what he'd been asked, turning his ever expressive eyes now filled with so much emotion he couldn't even think straight, to those he'd trusted more than any other for going on eight years now.

"You're still doubting this is real." Leroy observed in a gentle reproach.

Tim nodded silently in admittance, his eyes speaking loudly enough of his guilt on the subject, without words.

"Then I guess, I'm just gonna have to show you." the older man asked huskily as he lowered his head towards Tim's once more.

A gentle kiss descended down on Tim's lips and suddenly the younger man couldn't hold back any longer. He let go and gave back with all the unleashed passion within him, wantonly, desperately drinking in the kiss and giving back urgently, primal want fueling every motion. Leroy moaned, rolling his hips into Tim's, sending a shiver ran down Tim's spine, spreading heat out and everywhere until it pooled in his groin.

Breaking away from the kiss, Tim swallowed hard around the lump in his throat as he allowed himself to grasp Leroy's shoulders beneath his hands as strongly as he could, his knees suddenly feeling weak as without any warning or thought, his erect and already leaking manhood began throbbing with need. "Leroy!" he moaned gutturally as Leroy ghosted his fingers everywhere on the younger man's upper body, wringing forth another whimper and causing him to bite his lip as he tried desperately to make sure the older man didn't have reason to be annoyed hearing him sound so helpless under his touch.

Leroy nuzzled in under Tim's ear, his breath warm against Tim's neck. His sweet strong mouth nipped and nibbled as he whispered into his lover's ear. "Let it out, Tim."

The tone of his voice together with his fingers finally sliding under the waistband of Tim's sweatpants and quickly heading towards his rear end sent tremors of sheer ecstasy through Tim's veins as his heart hammered in his chest and his breathing grew ragged and fast. "Ooh...o...Leroy...don….don't stop!"

"Close your eyes." Came the whispered encouragement once more. "Feel."

"I wanna be able to see you; see your eyes." Tim quietly objected. "

Leroy smiled as he locked gazes with his young lover. "Think you can still concentrate on just touch with your eyes open?" he teased.

"I can try." Tim offered with a shy smile.

Taking Tim by the hand, he led him to the bedroom and propelled him by the shoulder to sit on the bed and then gestured for him to lie back before straddling him. The older man leaned down and kissed his new young lover soundly, tracing a finger down his jawline as he did. Raising his head back up, he smiled. "Okay then. This is where you let go and go with whatever feels good. We clear?"

"Yes, Leroy." Tim answered quietly with a timid smile. He couldn't stop or hide the tremor of excitement that thrilled through him at those words.

"I love the sound of my name across your lips like this." The older man admitted in a voice roughened by desire once more as he watched the young man quake with what he knew was desire, his own hands now stroking Tim's upper torso once more, his mouth trailing kisses behind his hands everywhere they touch, stopping at his nipples to tease and gently pull.

"Ooh… Mmmm!"Tim cried out as the exquisite sensation came at him from his nipples being teased and stroked along with the accompanying caresses from the relentless hands on his body. "Aah!"

Leroy's strong, teasing lips continue to nip and nibble Tim's skin, inch by inch, his caressing hands following in their wake, so painstakingly slowly Tim felt like he was going to lose his mind. No one had ever done this for him before. It was heaven! "Can't hear you." The older man teased.

"Oh! Leroy, please!" Tim moaned as he shifted restlessly on the bed, his head tossing on waves of sensations he'd never felt before and couldn't fathom or control.

Leroy soothed his hands drew across Tim's chest, on down to his navel enough to send a shiver down Tim's spine. The older man's splendid mouth that had held his own so captive just a few minutes ago, now blew air tantalizingly across his navel and his deeply aroused nipples even as the hands keep their tantalizing trailing across his now super-sensitive skin seemingly everywhere.

Hands desperately clutching bedding as his physical body writhed in search of more, Tim felt washed in sensation after glorious sensation as all of it rippled through the younger man, leaving him nearly mindless with sensual overload and the heat of the rising flame nearly scorching him from the inside out, his manhood now steadily climbing toward that brink of release. Nowhere on his body felt untouched, awakened, smoldering with a building need for more. No one had ever done this for him before and he couldn't get enough.

Leroy brought his mouth back up, capturing the wondrous warm cavern that was the younger man's mouth, in a passion filled dance that quickly became almost too hot to handle, both of them moaning into their fusion.

Breaking away from the kiss, Tim was left panting as his manhood strained within the confines of his pants as pleasure coursed through him already. "Ah! Leroy!" he cried, his hardened, throbbing rod already straining and leaking, himself nearly ready to jump off the cliff he was so sensually and wantonly teetering on. He drew in ragged breaths, trying to regain control, almost desperate to find the long awaited release that now seemed like the biggest best dream come true he's ever even thought of. "Need…ooh…"

"Easy, Tim. We're just getting started, here." Leroy teased with a huge smile.

Tim smiled shyly in return, his heart beating wildly at the thought of what pleasure might be awaiting him at the next touch from this man. Still tingling all over, his body refused to relax, With a small smile, he realized both of them still had all their clothes on. Without even thinking about it, he reached out to the bottom of Leroy' shirt and began to raise it up, only to be stopped by the man himself as he paused in his ministrations of Tim's body to quickly divest himself of both shirts.

Before Tim even thought about it, Leroy was running his hands up Tim's chest gathering the fabric under his fingers until Tim leaned forward on his elbows and the older man pulled the pesky garment over his young man's head. Tim didn't even have time to think about what would come next before his experienced lover's' fingers were back at the waistband of Tim's sweatpants, silently letting it be known that they were next in line to be shed. Smiling, Tim raised his hips up enough to give the older man the room he needed to pull the sweats the rest of the way off Tim's body.

In a New York minute, Leroy , too had risen from the bed and divested himself of his remaining clothing and Tim couldn't help but stare in awe at the beautiful specimen of a man before him. It wasn't even a conscious effort, the word that escaped his mouth as he continued to be enthralled by the vision before him that was Leroy, his lover. "Wow!"

Again, Leroy smiled as he straddled the younger man and reached for him; his hands once again softly blazing a trail all over Tim's body; this time beginning with his hair, massaging his scalp gently and repeatedly, then moving down to cup his face and tilt it up towards his own, their lips joining once more, this time in a slow sensual dance that served to stoke the fires within both their souls. Tim's body once again quivered with the onslaught of arousing tingles that were already being felt from his toes to his fully hard and throbbing manhood and even beyond.

Groaning with pleasure, Tim sent his own hands wandering and massaging all over his lover on their own, suddenly pulling Leroy in for a demanding kiss as his arms firmly wrapped themselves around this giving older man he suddenly couldn't get enough of. Leroy' hands strayed in fiery paths of molten heat, searing Tim everywhere they touched, from his ears, down his throat and over to his nipples where they gently tweaked and gently twisted the sensitive nubs, bringing a hoarse cry of delight from the young man at their tender mercies. Suddenly, Leroy leaned over and gently took an aroused nipple in his lips and gently, oh, so gently suckled it.

It was too much. Tim's body arched up off the bed as he came hard with a shouted cry while his new lover lovingly held him tight. "AAHH!"

Through the aftermath of the best climax he'd ever experienced in his adult life the young man lay trembling and nearly boneless, completely embarrassed at how easy it had been for Leroy to push him over the edge. He'd known it would be too easy for him to be done in. It was a big part of why he'd fought so hard against this relationship. He was sure Leroy would be thoroughly disappointed in him now. Stamina and endurance – while the recipient of all this sensual play – just wasn't something he had any experience in.

Closing his eyes in abject humiliation, he didn't even register when Leroy gently laid him down out of his arms with breaking the tender silence born of too many emotions simmering under the surface for both of them. Tim was shocked to find soon himself on the receiving end of a warm washcloth cleaning his groin and his plastered stomach. Tossing the washcloth back across the distance into the bathroom the older man silently returned his attention to the bed, taking in his younger lover's worried expression; knowing the problem and also knowing there wasn't anything he could do except reassure him that he'd done nothing wrong and he wasn't a disappointment.

Sitting back down on the bed, he leaned over and whispered into Tim's ear. "Now that we've taken the edge off, just relax. Alright?" Leroy quietly urged calmly as he reached out for Tim and gently tugged him up to his knees on the bed. "C'mere." He gruffly urged, pulling Tim in close for another round of mouths dancing, yet deliberately keeping his own hardened shaft from coming in contact with Tim's since he knew the younger man's organ was still sensitive and not yet ready for more attention or stimulation.

Leroy licked and nipped the younger man's mouth, pushing his tongue into the sweet, willing warmth. And groaning with hunger and lust. He took what he needed, moaning against the tender, swollen lips, relentlessly in response as Tim gave back into the dance now, at times, becoming the aggressor, until they had to pull away from each other; both spent, gasping for breath.

Leroy didn't know how much more of this he could take without losing control of his own need to have Tim under him; to be inside him, stroking him, filling him. Gritting his teeth for a long minute, he felt his own cock continue to throb harden with arousal. Harnessing his self-control even tighter he went back to concentrating on Tim, running his hands upwards on the young man's chest and let his fingers close around Tim's already hardened nipples as he rolled them and tweaked them

Tim arched forward, with a full moan of pleasure, pushing his chest more firmly into Leroy fingers, his eyes glued to those of the one driving him toward that peak once more. The older man teasingly applied more pressure to his touches as he continued to tease and caress and even lap and nibble on his lover's nipples, bringing forth a low moan of ecstasy from Tim and a smile to his own features.

Leroy found himself surprised at just how sensitive and responsive Tim was everywhere, with every touch bringing forth deep sensual moans, the sound of which were fast becoming a drug Leroy couldn't get enough of

Tim's senses were overpowered, he struggled to breathe while his body was washed in white-hot need and beginning to tremble. He reached out and hooked his arms around Leroy' waist to hold on, as he succumbed to his lover's caresses with wanton willingness, burying his head in the comforting shoulder he now rested upon, as re-awaking rod began thickening and throbbing again.

"Turn around." Leroy whispered with a groan of arousal as he gently propelled Tim at his shoulder, to turn around on the bed on his knees while standing to his feet himself. With Tim's back up against the older man's chest, Leroy immediately reached out to his young lover and wrapped one of his arms around Tim's shoulder, his fingers quickly coming to rest on one of Tim's easily aroused nipples while his other arm wrapped itself around the younger man's upper thigh, those fingers now blazing a trail on Tim's bare skin, down to his sensitive inner thigh and coming back up to tease his navel. At no time, did the older man touch Tim's now obviously swollen and ready rod or heavy balls waiting to be lavished with attention.

"Oh, God!" Tim moaned, feeling more pleasured than he'd ever experienced in his adult life before. "Feels so good, Leroy." He murmured with genuine appreciation. It was nearly impossible to remain still, he was so aroused and burning with a need for something he had yet to even understand. He didn't even realize he had snuggled his head back into Leroy' shoulder, even as he wrapped his arms up around the older man's neck without hesitation.

"That's it, Tim." Leroy urged gravelly. "You like that?"

"God, Yes!" Tim agreed on a ragged breath. "Don't stop."

Leroy chuckled as he began kissing up and down Tim's neck, stopping to suck on a spot at the juncture of Tim's neck and shoulder.

"Mmmm!" Tim moaned as a shiver of pure pleasure ran through him.

Leroy silently nuzzled Tim's ear in response and for endless sensually exquisite minutes filled with only the sounds of two lovers pleasing each other and giving voice to the pleasures being heaped on them, they remained as they were, with Leroy gently pleasuring his new lover and the younger man learning to be somewhat still and take all that was being offered, to take in and become comfortable in being doted on and in voicing anything he felt like.

Surprisingly enough, it was Tim that brought those moments of pure pleasure to a stop when he gently pulled away and brought his arms down from Leroy's neck before he turned around to face his older lover as he captured both of the older man's hands and held onto them.

"My turn." He entreated, his voice rough with passion and a raw aching need to touch his lover. "I want to feel you, too. Teach me what makes you feel good, Leory."

The pleading in the younger man's tone tugged at Leroy' heart as he merely smiled and wrapped his arms around the younger man, leaning in to kiss him thoroughly as Tim's hands began to blaze fiery trails up and down Leroy' back and shoulders as they worked their way over to his torso, teasing his nipples as Leroy had done Tim's a short while ago.

The older man groaned in pleasure as Tim's mouth pulled away from his own and found one of his nipples, now gently tugging on it and sucking on it, just as Leroy had also done for him. Tim was a fast learner and was soon completely enjoying himself giving back as much as he'd been given, wanting to learn more; to experience more, but most of all, he wanted to give more; give everything he knew to give and everything he was just now learning to give. He wanted it all and suddenly, he couldn't wait to learn all Leroy was willing to teach and show him.

"Leroy." Tim murmured. "Please."

"Please what, Tim?" Leroy smiled softly as he continued his relentless caressing of Tim's body.

"Don't hold back. I need all of you." Tim admitted on a moan of barely restrained need, his rod now throbbing and leaking.

Again the older man smiled genuinely. "Lie back down, then." He urged Tim. "This time is yours. Mine will come later."

As soon as Tim was lying prone with his head on the pillows, Leroy began sliding his body down the length of Tim's earning him yet another steady moan of arousal from the younger man at the full body contact. Still Leroy kept moving, sensually and ever so slowly sliding his body down Tim's while his own hands blazed fiery trails of heated touch along both limbs until he reached Tim's upper thighs.

Once there, the older man surprisingly enough, pushed Tim's upper thighs up and out, his calves up to them until Tim's knees faced outward, giving him all the room he needed to give Tim's body attention right where he wanted to.

Tim's breath caught in his throat, as tension seemed to seep into the air that surrounded them now, beginning to coil itself in his stomach. This was all new to him and from what he'd seen in the movies he'd watched, the first time was painful.

"Sssh. Relax, Tim. Just feel." Leroy quietly urged as he withdrew a small tube of something from the nightstand drawer beside the bed and set it beside himself on the bed." If you need me to stop, just tell me, alright?"

Tim nodded as he smiled and tried to relax. He used his arms to raise and hold the pillows beneath his head up so that he could watch what Leroy was doing; needing to see the man's beautiful eyes and all the expressions that would come this night. Tim shivered as Leroy delicately and slowly began to massage the sensitive area surrounding Tim's rear entrance, blue eyes dancing mischievously as he locked eyes with the now startled young man.

Tim felt Leroy's finger gently swirling something cool around his entrance. "Ooh!" The gasp of shock escaped Tim's mouth before he could stop it as he blinked owlishly in surprise. The cool wetness had startled him. He'd never done this before. No one had ever touched him there. Oh, he'd dreamed of it; dreamed of it a lot here lately; but hadn't ever thought it would actually happen. He shivered in anticipation and even a hint of fear at his lover's silent continuing caresses through this moment.

The coolness soon warmed, though and as it did, he felt all traces of fear leave him as his brain re-engaged, reminding him that this rough and tough former Marine pouring his heart and soul into showing him what it was like to be made love to, would never hurt him. He was shocked to see firsthand just how extremely patient Leroy was being; obviously more than capable of it, if and when he needed to be; at least on this personal level.

Leroy continued massaging the same area over and over, tenderly yet thoroughly over and over, relentlessly until he felt Tim finally relax, even heard him hum in pleasure, even though every now and then the experienced lover's finger would stray closer and closer to actually breaching Tim's hole.

Only when he felt Tim completely relax, did he gently push his finger inside that most intimate of places on Tim's body; immediately freezing in his movement as Tim pulled away in shock. Even while continuing the calming, gentle caresses of the outside area with the fingers of his other hand.

Tim's breath had gotten caught in his throat at the slight invasion but the uncomfortable feeling soon faded with the ongoing gentle caresses and he was quickly able to breathe freely again. Yet, for some inexplicable reason, Tim remained tense, unfamiliar with these sensations flooding his brain and his body.

"Okay? Leroy finally spoke into the moment, keep his tone soothing.

"Yeah." Tim breathed out on a huff of hot air spurred on by residual nervousness. He locked eyes with his lover's once again, this time silently drawing strength and trust from those blue orbs looking back at him with unwavering certainty and promise.

"You want me to stop?" Leroy question lacked any judgment against the younger man, merely concern for what Tim needed or felt comfortable with.

"God, no! I'm sorry, it's jus…"

"Sssh. Nothin' to apologize for here, alright?" Leroy gently scolded as he kept eye contact with Tim during this important clarification, soothing hands still comfortingly caressing Tim's arms and even his neck and chest, this time, staying away from his nipples so Tim could think straight.

Tim blinked in surprise. Clearing the lump in his throat, he looked away in a moment of humility and embarrassment.

"Hey. Look at me." The older man ordered with just enough authority to get the job done without taking anything away from this intensely private time between them.

The younger man did as he was asked and looked back at Leroy, this time without fear or even worry about what might be coming next.

"You ready to turn the heat up on this?" Leroy asked in the sexy voice Tim loved, as he leaned down to kiss Tim gently on the mouth, his tongue prodding between Tim's lips just enough to be allowed in so he could tease and tantalize the younger man.

"Mmmm. God, yes!" Tim moaned into the kiss, his arms reaching up to wrap around his lover.

Leroy straightened back up and took up where he'd left off, immediately caressing and applying some cool lubricant to that oh, so sensitive area. Once again, he waited until Tim had truly relaxed before inserting his finger past that tight closure on through to the inside.

Again, Tim reacted; instinctively trying to pull away but this time, Leroy was quick to hold on to him and talk him through it.

"Relax, Tim. Just feel and tell me if anything it gets to be too much, alright?" as he started gently pushing his finger in and out over and over, caressing both sides of his entrance, to prepare Tim for more. Tim allowed his eyes to flicker closed briefly before he opened them again. "Feel okay so far?" Leroy asked calmly.

"MMM, ye…yeah." Tim stuttered as the uncomfortable moment passed quickly, now replaced with the feeling of wanting more As Leroy continued to tease him with just the one finger; slowly, in and out, then massaging outside, back to in and out, over and over again in varying patterns, it wasn't long before the younger man couldn't even think straight, the fiery wave of want and need rising up from deep within. Tim was soon lost in these new but erotically overwhelming sensations, shifting restlessly and even beginning to push back against the touch, wanting more. Without even realizing he'd vocalized anything, Tim began moaning in pleasure. "Ahh. MMM."

From below him, Tim heard Leroy chuckle as the older man continued to watch his body language. "You ready for more, Tim?" he asked teasingly.

"God, yes!" Tim moaned and shuddered, his body still twisting restlessly in pleasure.

"Okay, here comes another one. Relax and breathe through it." The older man urged once more as he slipped another finger inside.

Tim sucked in a breath as he felt the added intrusion, holding it so long as the burn and the discomfort lasted.

Leroy stilled his fingers that were caressing Tim's hole. "Relax, Tim. Breathe easy." The older man gently urged as he continued his sensual caressing around Tim's outer entrance with fingers on his other hand.

Soothed by both the gentle words and the continuing caresses, Tim was soon calm once more and again beginning to feel every touch as if it reached all the way down to his soul, soon beginning to push back into Leroy' touch, wanting more.

"That's it, Tim. Stay relaxed and just feel." Leroy's roughened voice coaxed as he felt the young man nearly melt into the mattress, beginning to moan his pleasure. Only then, did the older man begin again, in and out, caressing and soothing, over and over.

As Leroy continued with his teasing and caressing, slowly, so slowly with gentle strokes in and out, around the edge and back just inside and out, Tim started to feel a pressure building at the base of his spine It wasn't long before he felt himself twitching and pushing back wanting more, as his eyes started watering and he blinked as he realized his whole body ached from the maddening sensations ruthlessly pushing him up toward that something he couldn't quite reach yet. Little moans continued escaping from Tim's throat as the now delicious pleasure continued to build the pressure now needing an escape. _More please more!_

Leroy chuckled softly again at Tim's uninhibited moans and entreaties as he continued his ministrations, determined to pleasure his young man as much as he could.

Tim trembled as he felt the tension building in his thighs with the relentless caressing and teasing; the feeling driving him on that his throbbing rod needed to imbed itself into something warm and tight and it needed it now!

"Leroy?" Tim hated the way his voice sounded, almost desperate and weak to his own ears. "I need… need." He struggled to find the words, not even sure he should.

He saw Leroy' face appear up over him and then that soft exquisite voice whispered into his ear all the while those roughened hands moved to caress his arms. "Talk to me." Leroy coaxed gruffly with authority, his voice sending yet another shiver of lust down Tim's spine. "Lemme hear what you want, Tim; tell me what you need."

Tim moaned. _Oh God, he didn't know what he needed, except to fall off the top of this cliff and soon!_ His eyes watched as his lover watched him take in all this stimuli he wasn't used to but couldn't get enough of. Tim's heart hammered in his chest waiting for twhat Leroy might do to him next. Again, that smile,_ Oh God please! Make me come already!_

Then he felt one of Leroy's hand travel across his fevered skin, on up to his hip and wrap lightly around his now aching and leaking, swollen member while the other hand continued with the relentless caressing of his rear entrance, two fingers easing in and out oh, so slowly.

"Oh, God! Tim cried out as he restlessly attempted to push himself up into first one then the other of Leroy's hands, desperate for more contact yet feeling like he was being split in two, while his hands fisted the sheets at his sides. "Leroy, OH!"

Slowly. Up and down. So slowly up and down across the heated skin of Tim's rigid cock Leroy kept up his ministrations to both sensitive areas of his lover's body, letting Tim continue to rise up and push himself further into the touches that he sought. The pleasure climbed to such intensity, it bordered on pain. From somewhere close by, he heard moans and groans and keening so sensual, it drove the wave of pleasure through him on a sharp spike as he vaguely realized the sound were coming from his own mouth. Tim's heart hammered in his chest as he lay trembling and teetering just on the edge of that cliff, he'd so quickly reached with the help of all these new sensations and feelings. "Oh, Oh! Oh, God!

"That's it, Tim, let it go" Leroy growled now, the seductive gravel nearly Tim's undoing, his eyes closing in sensual abandon. "Look at me Tim." The older man urged with that tone that always melted Tim's heart.

Tim looked Leroy straight on, their eyes locking together as his lover reached for one of Tim's hands, interlocking their fingers together and raising their joined arms back over the younger man's head, holding on tightly as he continued to stroke Tim's aching cock with the other hand. He urged his new young lover, his own need pouring off of him in rivers of sexual tension as he

"Reach for it, Tim."

"God, yes!" Tim moaned low in his throat, even as he locked eyes with his lover even as his body quaked and yearned for the yet untouched peak that was oh, so damn close.

Sliding the roughened pad of his thumb over the sensitive engorged head of Tim's leaking and visibly staining rod, Leroy urged the young man on loudly "Cum for me, babe."

""NGH!" Tim screamed as he flew, sparks shooting before his eyes as his body spasmed and trembled through his release, desperately clutching onto Leroy' hand through it all.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs kept his eyes on his young lover as Tim seemed to fade away into oblivion for a minute while his body worked to recover. The older man couldn't help reveling in being able to help Tim find his way over that edge, not once but twice just by giving Tim a little of the attention he was long over-due for. He had to smile. If this was Tim's sexual release from being adorned with just that little bit of attention; Leroy could only imagine the scope of what was to come for the younger man while in the throes of a complete coupling. With his smile widening, Leroy could only hope he'd get the chance to give that to Tim. The young man deserved that and so much more.


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: **_Alas, the rest of their intimate evening. FR-21_

* * *

Countless calming minutes later, when in the quietness of the aftermath, Tim had finally regained his normal breathing, opened his eyes. In awe, he became aware that Leroy had already cleaned him up and had begun caressing him once more. Leroy finally broke into the calm with a quietly asked question. "Okay?"

"Oh yeah!" Tim groaned as he moved searchingly toward the gentle hands that were once again arousing him everywhere.

Chuckling, Leroy brought one hand up and caressed his face, "Had enough?" He asked teasingly.

"No." Tim whined. "Want more."

Leroy smiled as he quickly reassured his young man. "So long as this is what you really want, we'll go as far as you want us to go."

"Too good to be real." Tim replied without thinking, that phrase stuck on replay in his head.

"I dunno. Feels real to me especially since neither of us took the time to include condoms." Leroy chuckled as the older man added nibbling lips and his teasing tongue to the caressing of Tim's upper body his hands were already doing; once again, exploring every nook and crevice of his body, leaving no space untouched until, again, Tim was a moaning, writhing puddle of goo.

"Tell me what you need, Tim." Leroy whispered in his ear while nibbling on Tim's ear lobe, his hands still smoothing and caressing him without stopping.

Tim nodded as his inhibitions melted away and his body gave in to the sheer ecstasy that is rising up from within him. "I need to be touched, _everywhere._" He admitted as he looked into his lover's eyes. "Need to know what it feels like."

Instantly, Leroy' hands increased their pace, the path they took now leading downward with more purpose and drive as they caressed Tim's thighs while the older man's breath whispered across his aching sacs and straining manhood

Tim was soon caught up in the wave of pleasure so deep, he was losing touch with time and place as those treasured roughened hands returned to his nipples to play, caress, tease and even lightly pinch, wringing forth cries of primal ecstasy from him that he couldn't contain. "AAHHH! Oohhh, Oh, yes! Le...roy!" Tim panted, his head once more tossing back and forth on the bed, as his rod continued to pulse and strain.

Chuckling softly, Leroy once again began massaging Tim's back entrance tenderly yet thoroughly before inserting one finger inside Tim's tight hole, only this time, he continued to push forward, twisting and turning his finger further than he'd done before.

Soon, Tim was not only comfortable with the invasion, but bucking for more, impatient for what is beyond his reach. "More! Please!"

Instantly, a second finger accompanied the first inside his body in that place where he'd never before imagining he'd want another person to be.

"Ooh!" The younger man gasped as he sucked in a breath at the larger intrusion and uncomfortable feeling, relieved it wasn't much more than discomfort. He didn't even realize he was holding his breath until he was reminded by his lover.

"Relax. Breathe through it, Tim." Leroy's quiet tone soothed, his fingers still working the young man's entrance gently and repeatedly, this time, needing to get the young man past this moment on through to the point where it became pleasure for him.

Tim trembled as he felt the tension building in his thighs with the relentless caressing, teasing, pushing and twisting on his insides. It wasn't long before the discomfort had faded, leaving him instinctively wanting to thrust into a warm tight cavern now, just as he'd felt the urge earlier. His eyes remained wide open and locked on his lover's as they traveled this sensual road together, with Leroy showing the way while letting Tim feel the experience first-hand. The tables would turn later; but for now, it was Tim's turn to feel all the pleasure he could take in.

His swollen, muscle already so hard and throbbing, he thought surely it would break off it touched right now,.Tim's heart hammered in his chest. His heightened senses were so keyed up, he couldn't stop himself as he writhed on the bed in sensual abandon. So close to release he was almost crazed with the need to fly off that edge, waiting for what Leroy might have in store for him next, he was begging before he could think about it. "Leroy! Make me come, already! Please_! _So… close!"

In a moment of pleasure so intense as Leroy soflty blew air across his tip, Tim was seeing spots before his eyes while a third finger breached his rear entrance, bringing more fullness and burning than he'd been expecting, bringing him back down enough that he instantly tried to pull away. With his strong arms, Leroy held him gently yet securely across his hips, all the while absorbing Tim's response. "OH!"

"Sssh., Tim. Breathe through it." The patient man urged as he stilled his movements in that direction momentarily.

Breathing harshly, Tim worked to calm down, knowing there was pleasure beyond this horizon somewhere and that Leroy would never deliberately hurt him. This was different and only a temporary discomfort. Tim knew that and that helped him calm down. In fact, he hated that he'd let anything negative like his unfiltered reaction tarnish what was an otherwise beautiful experience.

Tender caresses trailing across his sensitive skin at his rear also calmed him, even with three of Leroy fingers still inside him. It wasn't long before he was no longer hurting, just feeling full, an intense pressure that only bordered on uncomfortable and suddenly he wanted more. Pushing back, he moaned with the want and passion he felt, just barely, just beyond his reach.

Holding tight to his self-control, Leroy accepted Tim's moving back onto his fingers as his readiness for more and began twisting and scissoring his digits just inside Tim's hole, changing things up a little by altering the angle as his fingers moved, just barely touching Tim's pleasure spot.

"Oh!" Tim cried out with unexpected pleasure." "Ooh! Leroy!" Tim cried out s as he continues to restlessly squirm on the bed in sensual abandon.

"Ready for me, Tim?" Leroy huskily asked in the younger man's ear as he continued stroking him with both hands, one inside and one now trailing its' way up to Tim's dancing, throbbing rod.

"Yes! Yes!" Tim cried, "Take me, Leroy, Please!"

"Tim…"

Tim nodded as his hole was suddenly breached by a fullness and firmness he hadn't expected, given that it was larger and longer than Leroy's fingers, the slight pain and pressure also not expected after all Leroy's preparation. Tim's hands clenched into the sheets as his body tried to sort itself out between the pleasure and the pain.

Leroy stilled his movements in that direction again, reaching up with one hand to stroke his lover's inner thigh before trailing his hand further down in a soothing path to Tim's throbbing yet cooling rod. His motions urging Tim to mentally calm down and allow his body to settle down as well. Soon, he began talking to him once more. "Okay?"

"Leroy," Tim moaned even as his legs shifted restlessly. He felt so full and wonderful at the same time he felt pain and pressure.

'Sssh, Breathe through it, Tim." Leroy coaxed once again, continuing his soothing caresses.

As his lover's, strong but gentle hands wrapped themselves around Tim's manhood, gently stroking in sure, sweeping strokes, Tim whimpered with the intimate agony that touch is filling him with, It wasn't long before Tim's cock was once again hard and leaking and his hole was no longer feeling pain. Unable to find the words, he simply pushed his body back onto Leroy' organ and squeezed him tight, bring forth a deep moan from the older man that spiked Tim's lust.

"Okay now?" Leroy could barely get the question out through his own intense wave of pure unadulterated lust, screaming to be set free.

"Oh, yeah!" Tim panted as sensation after glorious sensation ripples through him, leaving him nearly mindless with sensual overload and the heat of the rising flame nearly scorching him from the inside out, his manhood now quickly becoming desperate for release. "Take me, please!"

Leroy moved, impaling him further inside, angling just right to touch Tim's prostate, sending a jolt of electricity through the young man, wringing forth a shout of pleasure from him. "Ooh! Leroy!" Tim couldn't get enough, it was there for the taking, but not close enough, and it was driving him insane. "More! Please!"

Eyes finally closed in absolute ecstasy, Leroy relentlessly drove them both towards the release they both so desperately needed, using all of his strength, holding on to the headboard as he drove all the way in to Tim's now welcoming tight heat, over and over again, moaning from the intensity of the white hot pleasure that was so strong it nearly buckled his knees.

Oh, God!" Now the younger man became frantic, writhing in undulated unharnessed need for more. "Don't stop!" he cried as the edge loomed just beyond his reach

"LEROY!" Tim shouted as his prostate was deliberately drilled several times in a row before his lover settled into a near frenzied rhythm of thrusting and pulling back, driving in hard and pulling back gently, relentlessly, endlessly, driven by Tim's own bucking and twisting, crying out for more.

Tim's balls tightened up and the sharp sensation of approaching flight gathered from deep within and as his frenzy intensified to push himself further onto Leroy' full throbbing rod as it repeatedly sank itself inside him. His hands, almost desperately reached for Leroy' wanting, needing to hold onto him again like he'd done before.

Releasing the headboard with one hand and grabbing Tim's hand, instantly interlacing their fingers and raising their arms back to the headboard, Leroy urged his young lover on as he continued to fill him completely, in and out, touching his prostate on every other stroke, hard and fast. "Cum for me Tim."

The deep sensual command in his ear along with Leroy' relentless pounding into his innermost-self Tim out over the edge with a primal yell." AAAAAGGGHHH!" The sound bounced off the walls endlessly, as his overwhelmed senses released their passion, their hands locked together still.

Caught up in the intensity of Tim's release, on the heels of a long night of his own barely contained passions Leroy too, found himself flying off that ledge, so far out, he saw blinding white behind his eyes as he flew, only managing to fold over on top of Tim's now boneless frame as his body tried to come down from the heights the two of them had just flown from. Tim couldn't help but moan with complete arousal as he felt Leroy's filling him. Completely wrung out and exhausted, he could only sigh in pleasure, almost melting bonelessly into the mattress, his eyes closing and his breathing harsh yet steady.

*********NCIS*******

Countless minutes later, Leroy found the strength to straighten up and pull himself gently from his still worn out lover. He gingerly got out of bed, padding to the bathroom to take care of business and clean himself up. Carefully he ran the water to just getting hot, grabbed several washcloths and returned to the bedroom to take care of his lover. From start to finish, his face was alight with, a grin. It had been a hell of a night and he wouldn't trade a single minute of it for anything.

Leroy watched Tim silently, protectively as he gently wiped him down. This cherished soul had never wanted more out of his private life than to be loved and being shown that he is worth being made love to was the least that Leroy could do for him. The hard part was still to come; letting Tim see and come to believe that he _did_ deserve to be happy as an equal partner in this relationship would take some doing; but hopefully tonight had been a huge step in the right direction for that to happen.

What seemed like hours later, Tim came down from his post coital high just long enough to open his eyes. He looked at his lover with an embarrassed smile as his eyes slid closed once again, still too worn out to do anything but rest. _God, I need a bath, but I'm just too damn tired to move!_ Tim thought.

Leroy had to smile, even as he made the decision to get Tim to relax in a hot bath with him to take away the soreness his lover would be feeling as well their aches and pains in general. After getting the water started in the tub, he returned to the bedroom and roused Tim enough to get him to at least walk into the bathroom and let Leroy help him into the tub where in no time, the older man had joined him, sliding in behind him to support him as he rested.

Now completely roused from his post-coital slumber, Tim suddenly found himself luxuriating in a hot tub filled with soothing, steaming water and with his lover settling in behind him, fitting together with him snugly, and caressing Tim's arms. While it felt heavenly and tingling, the first place Tim's mind went was the worry he still felt for being so easily prone to orgasms, still convinced Leroy would soon regret getting into this relationship with him.

"You're thinking too hard again. Just relax, Tim. Lay back. I've got ya." Lean your head back, close your eyes."

Sighing in pleasure never before experienced, Tim closed his eyes and leaned back. _God, If only this could last forever!_

"I promise you, Tim." his lover soothed in his ear, followed by a gentle kiss on his ear lobe. 'This is just the beginning. It only gets better from here."


	16. The Morning After

_The Morning After_

Morning sunlight slipped through the crevices of the vertical blinds in the bedroom window, disrupting the perfectly erotic dream of the young man still caught up in the magic and the passion of the night before. Even now that he was awake, his mind refused to let go of the paradise he'd found, launching him once more, back to those magical moments in full vivid color replay.

_**Flashback**_

_"I promise you, Tim." his lover soothed in his ear, followed by a gentle kiss on his ear lobe. 'This is just the beginning. It only gets better from here."_

_The water had begun to cool before Tim was nudged into moving from his contented cat nap even though he'd been lying back against Leroy in the tub for almost an hour already. It had fast become his favorite position to be in, lying back against the man of his dreams, cherished and held in those arms that never seemed to be in a hurry to let him go. _

_"C'mon, Tim. Gotta get out. Water's turnin' cold." The older man gently moved Tim up off his chest and braced himself on the towel bar as he stood and stretched the kinks out of his neck and back. Reaching down, he helped pull Tim to his feet, their slickened bodies quickly colliding, sending an electric current through both of their relaxed rods as they touched unexpectedly. Suddenly, the air was filled with a renewed unspoken thirst for more, leaving Tim gasping for breath even as he clung to Leroy' shoulders and shifted his rapidly swelling cock against that of his lover's again in order to find that electric jolt that felt so far beyond good, he couldn't describe it or get enough of it. "That feels so good." Tim whispered as he continued to shift repeatedly to find that contact yet again._

_Leroy chuckled as he returned the favor by turning the heat up a notch; groaning in erotic agreement as he held Tim tight around the middle of his back, so their groins were kept together; letting Tim make all the moves this time. _

_It wasn't long before Tim was almost over the edge, his body movements jerky and restless as the fire rising up within him burned almost too hot for him to handle. "Leroy, please." He moaned in the abandonment of pleasure so intense he couldn't think straight._

_Again, Leroy smiled, his own fire stoked hot enough to scorch them both if he let it get out of control. Soothingly he gentled Tim's movements and let his strong but gentle hands wrap themselves around both of their now swollen and throbbing members, stroking them over the heads, just as he knew Tim needed. "Just let go" Leroy softly urged him _

_"Oh, God! Oh... I..." Tim babbled in ecstasy as everything tightened up on him, the fire racing through his veins._

_"Cum for me, Tim." Leroy urged him gruffly as he nipped him at the juncture of his neck and shoulder._

_"AAHH!" Tim shouted as he flew off the cliff at long last, his vision blurring and his knees buckling._

As the silver haired man lay sitting up against the headboard now, intently watching his newly acquired young lover repeatedly shift restlessly and quietly moan into the pillow he'd practically stuffed into his mouth, obviously caught up in yet another wet dream, he can't help but relish this moment. Almost instantly his own mind took the older man back to the magic of last night and those moments he and Tim shared on that wild yet very short journey into the abyss that felt oh, so right.

_***Flashback***_

_"Cum for me, Tim." Leroy urged him gruffly as he nipped him at the juncture of his neck and shoulder._

_"AAHH!" Tim shouted as he flew off the cliff at long last, his vision blurring and his knees buckling._

_Caught up in the wake of Tim's release, Leroy was lost to his own release before he can even think. "OOOOHHH!" He moaned gutturally as his body shuddered through the wave of it all._

_Huddled in the bottom of the tub, both exhausted from the ride they've just taken so quickly, neither one of them give notice nor concern to the cold water they're now sitting in, but only for a moment._

_Without words spoken between them to spoil the moment, Leroy helped Tim back up on his feet and turned on the shower, gently washing the now almost boneless younger man from head to toe, not stopping to induce any further sexual play between them. Surprisingly enough, as soon as he'd finished washing his young lover, Tim silently reached out and gently took the body scrubber from him, his beautiful shining green orbs filled with desire and something one might call love, locking on to his, and began to slowly and erotically wash him, taking his time to not miss a single inch of Leroy' body, either with the scrubber or with his mouth in the scrubber's wake._

_By the time Tim had washed Leroy' entire upper body, the older man's manhood was once again swollen and throbbing with need, nearly dancing with the demand for attention. Before he knew what hit him, Tim was whispering in his ear._

_"I've never done this before, but I want to. Will you let me?" The pleading in his eyes was almost Leroy' undoing as he held tightly to the shackles of his control, the urge to bury himself inside Tim was so strong, it almost drove him to his knees. All he could do was nod his consent and almost instantly, his cock was surrounded by the tight, moist cavern of Tim's mouth as the young man took him in completely,_

_"Oh, Tim!" Leroy groaned as he held on tight to the towel rack to keep from pushing himself even further into the young man's mouth. "Feels so good!"_

_Tim smiled around his mouthful and kept going, letting his tongue make sweeps all around the older man's cock, alternating with sucking on it as if his life depended on it. Even though he was new to the experience, his desire to get Leroy off trumped everything and he wasn't willing to stop until he'd succeeded, even going so far as wrapping his arms around Leroy' knees to lock them both in place._

_With Leroy' self-control nearly at the end of its' tether, it wasn't long before he lost the ability to hold on any longer –flying off the edge he'd been holding onto all night. NGGGHH!" he exploded into Tim's mouth, his body quaking and trembling with the strength of his release._

_Tim stubbornly refused to let go, taking it all in, swallowing desperately as he tried not to choke and refused to let go of Leroy. It wasn't until the older man reached down and gently pried Tim's mouth off of him, that the younger man let go, nearly falling backward into the tub in exhaustion._

Warm gentle hands now caressing his now rock hard cock, brought Leroy back out of his reverie with a wave of lust that roared through his veins before he even knew what hit him. A soft moan escaped his lips before he even realized it as he opened his eyes and found Tim watching him warily while gently working to turn the heat up on things before they'd even gotten started, his hands gently and slowly caressing him up and down his length even as it thickened and grew.

Butter could have melted with the molten heat radiating from the young man as his hands continued to work their magic, causing the older man to shift restlessly underneath him. "MMM." He moaned enticingly as he stretched languidly into Tim's caresses.

Needing a breather, Leroy reached down and gently tugged Tim's chin towards him in the silent request that the two lay together and talk instead. He smiled softly as Tim reluctantly released him and slid up to lie beside him so they could look into each other's eyes as they talked.

"Guess I don't have to ask how you're doin' this morning." Leroy smirked as he ruffled Tim's hair away from the young man's eyes.

Tim smiled softly with a large dose of embarrassment but couldn't find the words to form an answer. Still silent, he sat up and got out of bed. "Think I'll go get you your coffee." He scurried from the room after quickly slipping his sweatpants back on.

Leroy watched him flee, a frown on his face. _Why was Tim running away from the chance to talk about the incredible experience they shared last night?_ Shaking his head, the older man could only hope, this was something that could be talked out and sorted through. Slipping out of bed, he headed to the shower, letting the scalding cascading water soothe his own aches and pains. He knew that given the chance, Tim would have gladly done what he could to help, but the older man wanted Tim to take his time becoming comfortable with this relationship.

It seemed as though that wasn't something that needed to be worried about, if these first few waking moments between them had been anything to go by. But Leroy was more realistic than that and knew that it was very likely that this initial sexual drive Tim was caught up in, to not only feel pleasure but to do all he could do to pleasure Leroy would not necessarily fade away, but could certainly become a burden Tim would force himself to carry without fail. Knowing the young man the way he did, Leroy knew the younger man would not give himself a break, finding it his sole responsibility to keep Leroy happy now.

This wasn't what Leroy wanted; not for their relationship and not for Tim's own peace of mind. He'd meant what he'd told the young man; they were in this as equals and it was up to the older man to prove that to Tim and he knew it. With a small smile, Leroy turned off the shower and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist before toweling dry his upper body and his hair. Several minutes later, he stepped back into the bedroom, clad only in his own pair of sweats, his hair combed back and his chest glistening with a sheen of moisture the towel had missed. Tim had been downstairs by himself all this time, causing Leroy to worry about not only what might be going through the younger man's mind, but what he was doing to occupy his time since he hadn't returned to the bedroom yet. Hell, was he even still here or had he bolted in embarrassment?

Taking the stairs down to his kitchen, Leroy was startled to find Tim standing at his back porch sliding glass doors, cradling his mug of coffee so hot, the steam was still rising over it. Making a quick trip to the kitchen to get his own coffee, the older man stopped long enough to down his first cup and fix himself a second one, knowing Tim probably needed the time to think about whatever it was he had on his mind, anyway. Finally, he couldn't wait any longer. He wanted his gorgeous, desirable lover back in his arms. But, first, he wanted answers. Stopping to scrutinize the younger man, Leroy frowned at what he saw; worry and concern, fear and doubt, all fighting to take up space in Tim's expressive eyes.

"Tim." He greeted him quietly as he stepped up beside him, his own cup of coffee safely in his hands.

The younger man turned to face the older man, still not speaking.

"Talk to me."

Tim smiled softly yet again and took himself over to the couch so he could get comfortable while he bared his soul, since this moment was being handed to him on this gorgeous silver platter, being careful to set his coffee mug down on the table beside the couch.

Leroy followed Tim's example and also put his cup down and then took a seat on the couch, making sure to sit beside Tim, letting their thighs touch so the younger man would know he was being supported before he even opened his mouth.

"It still feels like a dream." Tim admitted quietly. "You're such a different person at work, have been for years now. It always seemed like you thought a lot more of Tony and the others than you did me. I always thought you were just barely tolerating me. This you is like someone I've never met before and it feels like …."

"Like you're gonna wake up and all of this will have never happened." Leroy let him know he understood.

"Yeah." Tim breathed out in a quiet sigh of frustration.

"Not sure I can explain it, Tim. I sure as hell can't excuse the times I left you feeling like I didn't care or cared less about you than I do the others." Leroy reached up and placed a comforting hand on Tim's neck and squeezed supportively. "But I promised you this was real and I meant it."

"So, then I don't have to worry that this is all gonna disappear in a puff of smoke the next time you get pissed at me for not getting the information soon enough?" Tim asked worriedly as he glanced at the man he now knew he didn't want to live without.

Seeing the hope in Tim's eyes, Leroy leaned over, letting their foreheads touch as he spoke quietly but with strength and conviction. "Your job has nothing whatsoever to do with what we have here. Where we go from here, has NOTHING to do with work."

"So, then you're telling me that you really are interested in me, just for me."

"Didn't I show you that last night?"

"Definately." Tim answered quietly.

"Then why the doubt now?"

"Weren't you disappointed? I'm sure you don't wanna have to settle for …"

**THAWAK***

"Ow." Tim replied almost automatically to the gentle head smack even though he said nothing else.

"I'm here with you because I want to be! You find yourself not happy with something going on between us, I expect you to let me know, but do NOT tell me that I'm settling – just because you can't see what I see in you." Gibbs growled angrily, his patience seriously slipping.

Tim silently reached up and wiped the wetness from his face as Leroy leaned over and kissed him gently, seductively and finally hungrily for a moment before he pulled back and waited for Tim to give up the fight he was waging with himself now to belief in this new, different version of who Leroy Jethro Gibbs really was on the inside.

Panting as he tried to regain his breathing, Tim nodded as he found and locked onto Leroy' gaze, As the older man's eyebrows went up in his silent question of how Tim was doing, his eyes drew darker with growing passion as he watched Tim swallow hard and almost unconsciously lean in for more.

Nearly growling with need, Leroy pulled Tim in and once again, led the dance and duel with their mouths and tongues as their kiss heated up. It didn't take long before the fire was raging between them once more as their mouths dueled for control until Tim surrendered and drank all that he was being offered, moaning in want and need as his passion surged in quick response.

Countless frenzied minutes later as they remained locked in the passionate kiss neither wanted to end, the older man was urgently reaching for Tim's sweats, sliding his hands inside as he swept his way towards Tim's rigid cock, already twitching and leaking. Stroking Tim in gently yet solid strokes, he felt a surge of pure lust roar through his veins as Tim moaned in ecstasy "God, Leroy!"

"Let's go back to bed." Leroy huskily suggested as he reluctantly pulled back to get up off the couch, gently pulling Tim up with him, letting their bodies collide, their already aroused and nearly exploding rods, set off even more electric jolts between them.

"Leroy!" Tim moaned again as they struggled to walk toward their destination. Determined to take this upstairs, Leroy forcibly stepped back just enough to give them breathing room, even though he held firmly to Tim's waist as they trekked up the stairs. Finally, they reached the bedroom, nearly falling out on the bed together, their lips once again locking while their bodies quickly intertwined, searching and finding that intimate contact they both needed and craved.

Leroy sent his fingers to caress Tim's face even as their kiss intensified. The younger man's arms encompassed his partner, smoothing paths of sweeping motions across arms and the back, endlessly, frantically as he moaned into the kiss he couldn't get enough of.

Pulling back with the need to breathe, Leroy worked to calm his breathing as he stared at his younger lover with such raw desire, it took Tim's breath away as he too, took this time to catch his breath again, his body quivering with need and anticipation. Watching the younger man struggle to lie still even as he was nearly bursting with the need for something more, Leroy smiled softly while he continued to stroke his hands up and down his lover's arms while his own breath returned to normal.

Leaning over Tim's upper body, Leroy throatily promised in that tone that stole Tim's breath. "Gonna take you whole, make you feel so good, Tim."

"Mmmm." Tim moaned in sensual anticipation, his limbs stretching languidly as he fought not to surge upward and engage his older lover into another dance of their mouths. He wanted whatever Leroy was willing to give him, was willing to trust the man with all of himself.

Suddenly, Leroy's breath whispered across his aching sacs and straining manhood just before his strong but gentle hands wrapped themselves around the already rock hard, throbbing muscle,

"Oooh!" Tim moaned in completely surrender as the older man began to stroke in sure, sweeping strokes just before the older man leaned in and took him into his warm and willing mouth, every inch of his leaking, aching rod, bringing out a cry of ecstasy from Tim.

"AH! God! Oh, Leroy!" Tim moaned, his eyes wide with awe infused with rampant need as he watched Leroy watch him take him in. Writhing in near sensory overload, Tim couldn't stop moaning his pleasure, stoking Leroy' own passionate fire that was nearly burning him alive as he fought to hold onto his own desperate urge to take Tim right then and there.

Pulling away just long enough for Tim to miss the feeling while he egged him on, Leroy smiled softly as he leaned in towards the young man's ear. "Feel good?" that soft exquisite voice whispered into his ear.

"Oh, yeah!" Tim groaned as he did his best to stave off his orgasm, afraid he'd cum so soon, it would ruin the mood. Feeling Leroy swallow him whole once more, his body immediately began to tremble as he felt the tension building in his thighs as he continued to writhe restlessly, caught up in the wave so powerful he couldn't keep it away, no matter how hard he tried. "Leroy…I … need..." Tim struggled to get the words out. "Ooh! Don't st… gonna…."

"Let go, Tim. Go with it." Leroy urged in the tone he'd learned sent a flare of pure lust through the young man. Determined to set Tim over the edge, Leroy kept on with his ministrations, working his mouth and tongue up and down the younger man's rock hard member while he caressed Tim's nipples under his shirt, gently tugging and twisting first one then the other.

With a shout of ecstasy, Tim exploded off the cliff, his world becoming blindingly white before blackness overtook him and he limply collapsed back into the mattress as Leroy continued to milk him, cleaning him completely so he could enjoy Tim's essence all that much longer.

Finally having cleaned Tim's spent rod completely, the older man released the now lax cock and sat back to watch Tim come back from his passion filled journey that he obviously wasn't used to being allowed to take. Frowning, the older man mentally vowed to show this young man that this truly was, just the beginning of an enjoyable experience, the likes of which Tim had never seen.

With his own desires still simmering under the surface, Leroy struggled to walk into the bathroom to ready a warm washcloth as he returned to the bedroom and slowly and tenderly clean Tim up before tossing the washcloth back into the bathroom and maneuvering himself onto the bed so that Tim was cradled in his arms against his chest.

Feeling the warmth and safety of Leroy' arms around him, roused Tim from his post-coital high with a smile that lit up the room.

"Hey." Leroy greeted him softly.

"Hey." Tim replied quietly as he struggled to deal with all that Leroy had done for him, with nothing promised in return. He wasn't used to this and knew he hadn't deserved it.

"Think you'd like that once in a while?" Leroy smirked at him as he gently ran his hands up and down Tim's arms, their eyes locked together.

"Definitely." Tim admitted honestly, his grin unmistakable.

"But?" the older man pushed since he could see something about this wasn't settling well with Tim.

"You need…." Tim tried to explain the more important of the two problems he was seeing with this.

"Relax, Tim. We'll get to what I need. Right now, what I need, is to show you what's in this for both of us, what it feels like to have someone treat you right." The older man told him seriously. "Nothing else is more important right now."

Tim suddenly found it hard to swallow around the lump in his throat, his eyes blurred. No one had ever done this for him; went so far to show him they treasured him and wanted him to know it.

"Ready for round 2?" Leroy smirked.

"Round 2?" Tim asked quietly in wonder.

"Uhm. Mmmm." Leroy answered mysteriously as he slid out from behind Tim, kissed him tenderly for a tantalizing minute and then returned once again to the bed in front of Tim ad locking gazes with the younger man. 'Want you to get used to this. Get in your head that you do deserve this and more." Once again, Tim watched as his older lover engulfed his manhood completely in the warm wet cavern that had sent him over the edge the first time,

This time, Leroy urgently worked his mouth and tongue on the rapidly growing muscle and it wasn't long before Tim's balls tightened up and the sharp sensation of approaching flight gathered from deep within and as he bucked and pushed himself further into the cavern, crying out for more, "Oh, Oh! Oh, God! Oh, YES!" Over the edge he was hurled again, this time, holding onto Leroy for dear life while he flew.

Leroy gave him a lazy grin as Tim lay back, relishing the feeling of still coming back from his lightning fast release. Smiling softly, the older man silently watched him, waiting to see what emotions he'd see filter through Tim's eyes now.

"Talk to me, Tim." Leroy whispered in Tim's ear while nibbling on his ear lobe, the hands still smoothing and caressing him without stopping.

"Okay." Tim murmured, suddenly lost in the feeling of Leroy's hands touching him.

"Close your eyes and tell me the first thing that comes to your mind."

Tim let his eyes slide closed and even let go of everything he'd been worried about in the last few days.

"Tim?"

"You?"

"What about me?"

"I want to make you feel good, just like you've done for me." Tim admitted as he opened his eyes and looked Leroy straight on.

"Sounds like the makings of a pretty good relationship." Leroy smiled softly as he locked his eyes on those of his young man and reached out a hand to him

Tim reached out and connected his hand to that of his lover's, their fingers interlocking as their eyes spoke of promises and trust as he asked tremulously "It does, doesn't it?"


	17. Just Let Go

_Originally posted as a long one-shot in a series "Odessey" following "From out of Nowhere"_

_ written __back in– _07/04/2012 _with Shelbylou's help_

_BETA – for this chapter-back when it was written_ - _was Gottahavemyncis. Thank you again for that._

**Just Let Go:**

_The start of something new between two people is a beautiful thing, but what bumps in the road will affect their relationship and more to the point, will their relationship survive._

* * *

He stretched out his arm to wrap his lover in an early morning embrace, finding instead only cold emptiness where the man had lain the night before. Immediately filled with a sense of foreboding, he found the last remnants of sleep were quick to leave him as acute worry settled in its place. While this relationship was still fresh and new, he'd gotten past the last persistent shred of worry just yesterday that all of this was a dream, so this had to be real. But, what _was_ **this**? Blinking to clear the sleep from his eyes, he barely waited for them to focus before wiping his hand tiredly across his face as his eyes continued to adjust to the light of day.

Easing himself up into a sitting position against the headboard, he sent his eyes around the room as best he could without moving any other part of his body, as if by doing so, whatever doom was coming his way would instantly befall him. His heart skipped a beat when he finally came across the man who had rocked his world so completely that there was no turning back; standing at the window, curtain in hand as he leaned against it looking out of the window. There was something about the slightly slouched posture that drew attention to the fact that the man obviously had something less than pleasant on his mind.

Stealthily slipping out of bed, he silently picked his boxers up off the floor by the bed and padded out of the bedroom, heading to the stairs so he could leave his new lover with his thoughts. Instead, he chose to focus on what they would both need this early in the morning: coffee. Making quick work of pulling on his boxers before he walked down the stairs, he soon made it to the kitchen so he could start the pot going early on its brewing cycle. As he stood watching it begin to percolate, he had a sudden change of mind. What he really wanted to be doing didn't involve interrupting his partner's reverie with coffee; but with the tender, loving attention he'd been wantonly working to return ever since this odyssey into a new relationship with him had started a mere two days ago.

With this new facet to who he was becoming thanks to his lover's example of freeing his inhibitions and consistent encouragement that he do the same so they could focus solely on making each other feel good and happy, he couldn't help but wonder why it had taken so long. These past two nights they'd spent together ultimately deepened their relationship through the trust it took to be so intimately open with each other and it had been nothing short of amazing. He was almost overwhelmed with ideas of what he wanted to do to show the man how very much he meant to him.

But with this experience still being new to him, his nerves still rose to the surface causing him to tremble with the boldness of his insatiable desire. Taking a deep breath, he stopped off in the guest bathroom to take care of his morning business and brush his teeth before heading back upstairs with a determination to follow through on his desire to do everything he could to not only pleasure his lover, but to show him the depth of what he was feeling for him.

His mind traveled back to last night when this incredible journey had turned the corner for him, taking with it the last of his worry about the rocky and emotionally draining start they'd had. Closing his eyes for a moment, some of the most treasured moments from less than 24 hours ago came back to him vividly like a video clip that had been seared into his mind.

_Those strong yet gentle hands strayed along his body like fiery paths of molten heat searing Tim everywhere they touched from his ears, down his throat and over to his nipples where they gently tweaked and twisted the sensitive nubs. Having such a sensitive area played with brought a hoarse cry of delight from the young man who was at Leroy's tender mercy. Suddenly, his new silver haired lover leaned over and gently took an aroused nipple in his mouth and gently sucked it between his lips before nipping it sensuously with his teeth. Tim groaned with pleasure at the action and found himself hardening even more; especially when the abused nub was licked soothingly before the identical attention was turned to his other one._

_It was too much and Tim's body arched up off the bed. He came hard with a hoarse cry as his lover held him tight and soothed him through it. "Oh…Gi…_!"

"_You know what a turn on it is that you can cum just from having your nipples played with?" Gibbs whispered throatily into his ear. "And while we're in bed, it's Leroy or Jethro, remember?"_

He swayed, now, the new memories bringing with them the burning heat and desire that was already steadily building towards that insatiable state where he had to have more of his lover's touch or he'd go insane with need. Leaning against the wall outside the bedroom door, he listened to his own ragged breathing as his mind greedily reached back for another lust filled memory to fuel the fire that was growing hotter in his loins.

_Leroy licked and nipped the younger man's mouth, pushing his tongue into the sweet, willing warmth. Groaning with hunger and lust, he took what he needed, moaning against the tender, swollen lips relentlessly in response as Tim's tongue started to languidly dance with his own. At times, Tim became the aggressor and tried to take dominance which Leroy freely gave until his lust overwhelmed him once again and he dove in, taking the helm once again. Eventually, they had to pull away from each other; both spent and gasping for breath._

_Tim arched forward with a full moan of pleasure pushing his chest more firmly into Leroy fingers. His eyes held Leroy' crystal blue gaze as he was driven towards the peak of pleasure once more. It was so sensual and so erotic that Tim's mind was blown with sheer pleasure and dare he say it, love? Tenderness? Oh, the ways this man could show tenderness! It blew Tim's mind but left him craving more at the same time. The older man teasingly applied more pressure to his touches as he continued to caress and even lap and nibble on his lover's nipples, bringing forth a low moan of ecstasy from Tim and a smile to his own features_.

_Leroy smiled around one of the nipples he was once again erotically abusing. He'd known since Friday night that Tim liked having them played with, but now he knew just how much…He kissed each one before trailing kisses down Tim's body, following the treasure trail of hair towards his prize. He wouldn't take Tim in his mouth just yet, but he did stop briefly to lap at the tip of the semi hard member that was starting to take interest once again. He moved away as Tim's hand caressed the back of his head and blew gently over the tip. _

_Tim's senses were overwhelmed, he struggled to breathe while his body was washed in white-hot need and beginning to tremble. He sat up and leaned on one elbow so he could grasp at Leroy' arm to pull him up. Leroy complied and made his way back up. Tim hooked his arms around Leroy' waist to hold on when the older man nipped and licked at the pleasure points on his neck and ears. He succumbed to his lover's caresses with wanton willingness, burying his head in the comforting shoulder he now rested upon, as he felt himself fully harden to the point where he was throbbing once again._

_"Turn around." Leroy quietly spoke with a groan of arousal as he gently pushed Tim off his shoulder. He helped his new lover turn around on the bed so he was on his knees and stood up off the bed briefly. He took a moment to enjoy the sight of Tim's milky white skin and slender body and quickly grabbed what he needed from his nightstand drawer._

_"Tim, will you let me…?"_

_"Gi…Leroy, after everything else, you're really asking me?" Tim teased and turned his head to give Leroy a soft smile. _

_Leroy groaned and breathed heavily to push down his own building pleasure and knelt behind his bed partner. Leaning forward, he rubbed his hands down Tim's back and caressed the round globes of his backside. That was all he needed and he popped the cap off the lube he had just retrieved. He made short work of preparing Tim and when his young lover was ready, he lined himself up and pushed in gently so that Tim could get used to his girth, once more. Once fully seated, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Tim to pull him back gently so that he was sitting in his lap; Tim's back leaning against Leroy' chest._

_Tim moaned loudly as he was filled and reached down to run his hands along Leroy thighs. "God, Leroy! yes!" _

_One of Leroy' hands moved from where they rested on Tim's stomach and sensuously moved upwards, his fingers quickly coming to rest on one of Tim's easily aroused nipples while his other hand trailed downwards and wrapped itself around the younger man's upper thigh. Those fingers once again blazed a trail on Tim's bare skin and gave the briefest of squeezes before rubbing down to his sensitive inner thigh and coming back up to tease his navel. At no time, did the older man touch Tim's now obviously swollen and ready rod or heavy balls and they stayed waiting to be lavished with attention._

_"Oh, Leroy!" Tim moaned feeling more pleasure than he'd ever before experienced in his adult life. "That feels so good, Leroy." He murmured with genuine appreciation. It was nearly impossible to remain still, he was so aroused and burning with a need for something he had yet to understand, even though it was no longer brand new to him. As Leroy' hands roamed and played his body like a finely tuned violin, he started to move gently in perfect union with his lover, his rhythm soft and sweet. He didn't even realize he had snuggled his head back into Leroy' shoulder as his breathing panted out from the sensations he was feeling. His hands clenched hard on his lover's thigh and he heard that voice that always drove him over the edge. _

_That's it, Tim." Leroy urged gravelly. "Just let go."_

_That was all he needed and after the highly erotic build up and the foreplay…oh God the wonderfully beautiful foreplay…Leroy' arousal roughened voice tipped him over the edge and he came hard with Leroy' breath hitching as the older man's orgasm followed. _

"Oh, God!" He whispered now, caught up in the raw need that came back to him with the memory. "Stop it!" He scolded himself. "I can't go in there like this. He's not in the mood and I won't force it!" Shaking his head, he stood up straight and walked back to the guest bathroom. He needed time to calm and cool his libido with a cold shower or at the very least a cold sponge, before heading back to the master bedroom and his lover with the hope that he could fix the problem of whatever was on the older man's mind.

Stepping back inside the bedroom, he was almost relieved that the object of his desire and the subject of his thoughts hadn't moved from where he'd left him. Padding up behind him, he gently placed his hands on the man's shoulders and began sensually massaging them, in hopes of not only helping him relax, but also allowing him to trust that he could let go just as he'd so relentlessly encouraged Tim to do over the last two days.

"Hey. You okay?" he asked the older man. His quiet voice held a hint of worry at the thoughtful, morose body language that now held his lover in its clutches.

"Mmm." Leroy replied just as quietly as he allowed himself to relax into Tim's touch. "Fine. How'd you sleep?"

"Like a baby." The younger man replied. "Then again, sleeping in your arms pretty much guarantees a good night's sleep."

Leroy huffed out a laugh as he turned around without losing contact with Tim's hands. Stepping up closer to him, he ran a hand through Tim's hair, brushing it back from his forehead as he looked carefully into his eyes. "You sure you're alright?"

Tim nodded silently, too keyed up to speak.

"What aren't you telling me?" The older man asked quietly. "Something's wrong."

Unwilling to let the man keep thinking that, Tim let out a sigh and looked back at him with a touch of guilt. "Only if you consider it wrong to want you so bad, I can barely handle being this close to you without dropping to my knees right now and swallowing you whole." The quiet admission seemed to be torn from the younger man's heart.

"Tim." Leroy groaned at the mental image the younger man had just provided him.

Tim looked away in embarrassment.

"No. Don't." the older man gently scolded. "Talk to me."

"It's taking every ounce of strength I have not to take you in my mouth right now." Tim admitted huskily as he looked Leroy straight on, his hands unconsciously reaching for the man's hips to pull him closer. "But, I know I can't."

"Why can't you?" The quiet question was accented by the older man moving closer so that Tim's hands slid onto his hips, just as the young man had wanted to do himself.

"I can't expect you to be willing to put up with my insatiable…" Tim stopped, more embarrassed now than before.

"Let go." Leroy reminded him. "Just be yourself. We've already talked about this, remember?"

Tim nodded silently, unable to look away from those blue anchors holding him steady.

"Say what's on your mind and do whatever you feel comfortable doing."

"Even if that means not being able to get enough?" Tim asked doubtfully. "What if you don't want what…?"

Leroy head slapped Tim gently and laughed quietly while he shook his head. "Well, yeah. If ya can't get enough, then you let me know. We'll work on it."

Tim's look of incredulousness brought out a genuine smile from the older man. "You don't see me complaining do ya?"

"Thank you." Tim offered before he leaned in for a tantalizing kiss. He pulled back and looked into Leroy' eyes again. "I really do want you right now." He warned before kneeling before his lover and massaging the strong, athletic thighs. With a glance up to the handsome face, he smiled and reached round to caress the older man's ass.

Leroy sucked in a breath when Tim took him in fully and used his teeth to graze the sensitive stripe under his hard member. **_This_** is what he'd hoped the last two days would do to his new young lover; to free his inhibitions and let himself enjoy the act of just being together and learning to love each other both physically and emotionally. He reached down and ran his hands through Tim's soft hair and groaned.

"That's it, Tim. Just let go…"


	18. Works Both Ways

**Summary: **_An intimate relationship between two people is a beautiful thing. When the past rears its stubborn head, will their still new relationship survive?_

**Follows:**_ "From out of Nowhere" and "Just Let Go" _in the_ "Odyssey" _Series

_BETA – for this chapter back when it was written –_ 08/28/2012-_ Gottahavemyncis - Thank you._

_Originally written as a surprise pick-me-up for Shelbylou  
_

* * *

_His heart skipped a beat when he finally came across the man who had rocked his world so completely that there was no turning back. He was standing at the window, curtain in hand as he leaned against it looking out of the window. There was something about the slightly slouched posture that drew attention to the fact that the man obviously had something less than pleasant on his mind_...

Lying back against his lover, Tim felt truly cherished for the first time in his adult life. Their arms wrapped around each other as they lazily took the time to recuperate from the last 48 hours of the nearly constant exertive mutual pleasuring. Even with all the pleasure and as cherished as he felt, he still found his mind returning to that one niggling thought that would not go away. When he'd woken up earlier that morning, Leroy was standing at the window looking out, completely lost in his thoughts, an obviously unhappy train of them. What had been playing on the man's mind?

Although Tim had tried to hide the insecurities still stubbornly hanging on, even if only by a thread, Leroy had quickly routed them out and sent them packing for good. The older man reaffirmed his hope that Tim could let go and be himself completely without worry. While setting Tim's mind almost entirely at ease, he now worried about what his lover had earlier been unhappily contemplating.

As his thoughts stubbornly dug in to this new worry, his hands seemed to feel his need to relay his now constant desire to make Leroy feel as much pleasure as possible; beginning to caress his arms where they held Tim securely, even while the older man lie still in sleep. Try as he might, Tim couldn't keep the emotion out of his touches any more than he could keep the worry out of his thoughts.

Leroy stirred under the physical caresses he felt though his pleasant dream. Raising one of his hands from Tim's, he ran his fingers down Tim's hair at the younger man's ear as he spoke quietly into the peaceful silence. "Hey."

As his emotions ganged up on him and left him undecided whether he was ready to devour the man or hug him, Tim found he couldn't look at Leroy. He gave voice to the first thing that came to his mind, although he couldn't quite control his tone as the words left his mouth, his voice sounding husky. "Feel rested?"

"Tim?" Leroy picked up on the internal war through the timbre of the younger man's voice. "Talk to me."

Taking his lover's hand back into his own, Tim held onto it as the lifeline he felt he needed right now, sighing heavily without answering as his gut clenched with tension.

"Tim?" The older man's repeated question now sounded genuinely worried.

Tim knew he had no way to avoid answering Leroy' concern and did not want to worry Leroy any more than he wanted to tell him the truth. The truth won out, as it always would with Tim. "You said we're in this as equals."

"Meant it too." Leroy' quiet tone matched that of Tim's, although his heart was rising up into his throat at the possibility of where this conversation was going, of what could possibly be weighing on Tim's mind.

"Completely honest and open, being ourselves." Tim reminded him of what Leroy had gotten him to understand was part and parcel of their budding relationship.

"Where you goin' with this, Tim?" Leroy worried, his voice continuing to allow the concern to be heard.

"You were upset about something when I woke up earlier this morning. Whatever you were thinking about wasn't good." Tim pointed out.

An uncomfortable silence descended around them, almost as deafening as a sonic boom. For a long moment, it remained all that there was between them in the room. After what seemed like an eternity, Leroy sighed deeply as he gently slid out from behind Tim and got up out of bed.

"Nuthin' for you to worry about, Tim." He offered quietly before walking naked around the bed to the bathroom and quietly closing the door behind him.

Tim remained frozen in place where Leroy had just left him sitting. He wasn't sure what had felt like the bigger slap, the fact that the older man had just left him like that or the way he'd closed the door between them, as if he had just literally shut Tim out. Or maybe it was the way he had verbally shut Tim down instead of doing as he'd been urging and expecting Tim to do all weekend – open up.

Whichever issue it was kept Tim from acting on any of it, as if by remaining frozen in place that hurt would just dissipate instead of penetrating his recently recovered heart. A mental fog quickly surrounded him so that he never heard the bathroom door open. He wasn't aware of Leroy finishing in the bathroom, that he'd showered and changed into a fresh pair of boxer briefs or that the man was standing in the doorway between the two rooms, looking at Tim with abject concern in his eyes.

"Tim."

Hearing his name called from beneath the fog, Tim blinked and looked over at his lover, albeit silently, unsure of what to say or what was coming next.

"Didn't mean that the way it sounded. But it was the truth**. **It's nothing to do with us so it's nuthin' for you to worry about."

Tim shook his head as he sighed. Getting out of bed, he picked his boxers up off the floor and quickly stepped into them. Still not saying anything, he scooped his change of clothes from the chair and snagged the towel off the closet door handle, all while silently making his way around the bed. Coming to a stop as he passed in front of Leroy and reached the bedroom door, he opened the door and looked at Leroy. "This works both ways. We can't have secrets from each other. If you can't …." Tim sighed painfully. "Never mind." Walking from the room, Tim took the stairs toward the guest bathroom.

In a moment of complete frustration, Leroy bit out. "Damn it, McGee!"

His lover's words reached him, hitting him like the lash of a whip, nearly toppling Tim off the stairs. Only his instant tightening of the grip he had on the stair railing kept him on his feet. Without a word or a move to turn around to face the older man, Tim swallowed hard around the lump that rose up in his throat before slowly continuing on his trek to the bathroom downstairs. He closed and locked the door behind him as soon as he had made it inside, then leaned back against it, let his clothes and towel drop to the floor, clenched his fists and let out a silent scream of frustration.

_*****NCIS*****_

Leroy swore. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Tim and he had not meant to shut him out or hurt him the way he knew he had just now. The truth was he didn't want to burden him with his own personal pains and sorrows from the past, rising up like a phoenix and refusing to be passed over for a new love. He knew that Tim was not only well aware of his undying love for Shannon and Kelly, but also very sensitive to anything that might remind Leroy of them. That was why he wasn't willing to hurt Tim further by letting him know that they'd come back to his conscience with a bang this morning and it had hurt all over again. Only this time it felt worse because he'd felt a wave of guilt along with the memories, as if he'd just betrayed them and they were coming to tell him so.

Having Tim innocently reach out and dig at the pain awash in Leroy' heart this morning had been a shock. It had bruised the older man's soul, realizing that he needed to keep Tim shut out of this part of himself, to protect the younger man. Tim would undoubtedly see it as distrust, which had been exactly what Leroy had been thinking when Tim had physically reached out and pulled him back early this morning.

Now he had probably managed to confuse Tim enough that the younger man was likely convinced that Leroy did not intend to be open and honest with him. Even though he'd encouraged Tim to do just that - to let go – and had made it plain that was what he wanted from Tim, and promised him that their relationship was to be on an equal basis. God, what a mess!

The _**Click**_ of the guest bathroom door closing downstairs sounded loud in his ears as it reached Leroy. He remained frozen in place in the middle of his bedroom, trying to figure out what he needed to do next. Feeling as though he'd just stabbed himself in the heart, he swallowed hard around the lump of regret that now left him feeling bereft and nearly hopeless.

Knowing it was useless to try to function without coffee; Leroy forced his feet to move and headed downstairs, although at a much slower pace than normal. As he reached the guest bathroom door, he couldn't help but stop and listen for any signs of his lover's distress. Surprisingly enough, all he could hear was the sound of the shower. Tim was as silent as a shadow and for some reason that worried the older man more than the young man's attempt to express his frustration a few moments ago.

*****NCIS*****

Once the momentary impulse to let his emotions take control had passed, Tim had wiped the unwanted moisture from his eyes and moved away from the door, picking up his clothes and his towel and setting them near the sink. Needing the relaxing heat of the shower, he quickly stepped into it, remaining still as the nearly scalding water cascaded relentlessly down on him. Deliberately not allowing himself to wallow in the negative thoughts that had crashed through his brain at the onset of this mess, Tim found that it was not long before his rational, logical brain waves re-engaged and everything began to make sense.

Leroy wasn't a talker and he wasn't used to having anyone in whom to confide. He had been a loner most of his adult life, thanks in part to his jobs and his less than successful attempts at marriage after the tragic deaths of Shannon and Kelly. It wasn't fair to expect him to change overnight. Hell, the man had let Tim in on so much more of a personal level in the last 48 hours than Tim had ever expected to see from him in this lifetime!

There was no way Tim could fault the man for not yet being able to just let go and let Tim in completely. And while he didn't know Leroy intimately enough yet to know exactly what was on his mind, Tim did have a fairly good idea, based on what he already knew about him. Leroy had loved and lost; loved deeply; lost tragically and there was no way he wouldn't still be feeling that – even when, maybe most especially when taking a new lover.

Rinsing out his hair, Tim paused for a minute, as his heart seemed to stop. _What if the man was feeling guilty now? What if he felt like he'd betrayed Shannon? Oh, God! With all of his own insecurities on his mind, Tim hadn't even thought of what Leroy might have been feeling! How the hell could I be so damn selfish? God, that's just inexcusable! After everything he's done to try to put me at ease and show me that I do deserve to be treated better than I have been? After rescuing me from my own stupidity in that club? God, what a selfish…. I've been!_

With his heart up in his throat now, Tim was quick to finish his shower. Drying off quickly, he donned his clothes, roughly ran a comb through his hair and wiped the mirror down before hanging up his towel and boxers so he could easily grab them and throw them in his bag later. Stepping out of the bathroom, he paused to listen for telltale signs of where Leroy would be.

The smells of fresh coffee and bacon and eggs wafted through the air and reached his nose, causing Tim's heart to slightly ease the constricted feeling. Maybe things weren't as dire as he thought they were. If the man was cooking breakfast, it couldn't be all bad, right?

_Whoa, Tim! Doesn't mean you're off the hook! You still owe him a whopper of an apology. Better hope to hell he's not too weighed down with those memories of his to feel comfortable with this or the last 48 hours will be all you'll have to remember._

With that sobering thought blaring through his mind, Tim felt his heart constrict painfully once more. He did not know if he could take it if this was the end, even if he could completely understand it. Swallowing hard around the unexpected lump in his throat, Tim forced his feet to move toward the kitchen, toward the inevitable conversation that would most likely be his 'good-bye'.

As he reached the doorway to the kitchen, Tim stopped in his tracks at the sight before him. There Leroy stood, nestled into the corner of his counter where it curved; with his back to the coffee maker, one hand holding his coffee mug and the other holding his paper in front of his face as he read it. The picture of contentment. It brought a smile to Tim's face to see Leroy at peace, especially after those earlier moments that had been fraught with tension. Before he could move on into the kitchen, Leroy lowered his paper and looked over at him. "Hey."

Tim was quick to step over to him, not stopping until he stood toe to toe with him, their personal space inter-twined. Lifting one hand, he brushed Leroy' hair back from his face; a gesture he had discovered did just as much for Leroy as it did for him. "I owe you an apology." He spoke softly into the tension-filled silence.

"For w…?"

The older man's confusion brought a tender smile to Tim's face and he placed his finger gently against Leroy' lips, effectively silencing him. "I shouldn't have pushed you like that and I understand if you're not ready to let me in. I know you'll let it work both ways when you can. But I need you to remember, that if you need me; **when** you need me; I'll be there for you."

Removing his finger, Tim kissed him chastely before turning around and leaving the room. He needed to give his lover some breathing room and give himself the space to cool his jets before he lost control of the situation and ravished the man over the breakfast table.

Leroy felt the air whoosh out of his lungs and he sat down before his knees could give out on him. He didn't know what the hell had just happened; but he did know that Tim McGee had just proven himself to be one hell of human being. How had things turned around so completely in such a short time? The bigger question was where to go from here? He hadn't known what to expect from Tim after what had happened upstairs, but yet somehow a tiny voice in his head reminded him that knowing Tim's penchant for always putting others first, he shouldn't have been surprised by Tim's behavior just now.

Before he could stop himself, Leroy turned breakfast off and followed in Tim's wake out of the kitchen. Checking the living room first, he felt relieved when he found the young man sitting on the couch, his head back against the wall and his eyes closed. His heartstrings tugged at the sight and the realization of what Tim was admitting hit him hard.

"Thank you." Leroy attempted to say, but found the words came out choked and at half-volume.

Tim's eyes snapped open and he came off the couch in a single motion, meeting Leroy where he stood before the older man even realized he'd moved. Without touching him now, Tim stood only an inch from him and concern oozed from his quietly asked question. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Leroy promised him, meeting his gaze and not looking away.

"Do you… do you want me to go?"

Tim's shaky voice nearly broke Leroy' heart as he stared incredulously at his young lover. "Why would I want you to …?"

Taking one of the man's hands in his own, Tim looked down at them now. "I know this is tough for you – and this isn't just about me – at least- it shouldn't be. It has to be right for you too – comfortable for you and it's obvious that it's not." Tim couldn't bring himself to voice the fact that he knew this newly budding relationship was actually hurting Leroy where his deepest memories meshed with what he felt in his heart. Somehow he knew that the older man would understand what he wasn't voicing.

Leroy could feel Tim quivering with nerves as the younger man laid himself bare- offering to end things because he thought it was too hard for Leroy. Watching Tim speak from his heart while staring at their joined hands brought a small smile of sadness to the older man's face. If he didn't know any better, he'd swear Tim was letting him know he could tell Leroy actually hurt over this for his girls who would forever live on in his heart.

While his memories had haunted him this morning, this young man's generosity of spirit gave Leroy the opening to choose his memories over him now and that was something that Leroy could not, would not do. Tim's big heart and genuine offer to let him turn his back on all they had begun eased the guilt and the sadness. Leroy could not let him go, not after the incredible last couple of days they had just shared, the incredible relationship they had just begun with each other. Using his free arm, he reached over and gently pulled Tim to him, wrapping him up in his arm and bringing him in to his chest, speaking quietly in his ear. "I'm not sending you away, Tim. I meant what I said. I'm not leaving you. "

Tim nodded that he'd heard, even as his body remained taut with tension. Tension he wasn't quite ready to let go, as if he expected Leroy to change his mind. His lover again spoke softly. "I'm sorry I broke my promise to you."

The heartfelt apology crossed Tim's ears quietly, bringing an immediate shake of the young man's head in silent rejection of blame. He found himself being hugged even closer as the next thing Leroy had to say reached him just as quietly. "I promised I wouldn't hurt you and I did."

At this admission, Tim pulled back, forcing Leroy to release him. Taking the older man's hands in his own, Tim looked him straight on. "Don't do this, please. You didn't do it on purpose and we both know that."

Leroy nodded silently, his eyes searching Tim's.

Now it was Tim's turn to pull Leroy in, holding him lovingly. "If you're not letting go of me, don't expect me to let go of you." Tim choked out as he laid his head down on Leroy' shoulder and just hung on.

Time had no meaning as they stood there just holding each other as the emotions they couldn't voice quaked through them, leaving them bonded to each other even more tightly than they'd been when they'd woken up earlier, before they'd first spoken to each other.

As his heart silently rejoiced that Leroy wasn't sending him away, wasn't giving up on him or on the new relationship that meant the world to Tim, the younger man found that his libido hadn't stopped working, even amidst this emotional squall they were working their way through. Still holding on to the older man, Tim could not help but begin to feel his body begin to respond to being this close to the man he couldn't get enough of. However this time, it seemed inappropriate so he remained still and said nothing, choosing instead to remain locked in this moment he knew would probably never come again.

Leroy stood still when Tim pulled him in and wrapped him in his arms. When the younger man had choked out those words, laid his head on his shoulder and hugged him, it had been all the older man could do to just return the embrace and let him feel secure. What he wanted to do was throw him down on the couch and sink himself inside the younger man, take him to the top and let him fly over that edge, over and over again; show him exactly how much he wanted him; needed him.

The longer he stood locked in this silent emotional outpouring, the less he felt the need to physically show Tim anything more and the more he felt the pull to let Tim know what he needed him to understand. It had to be said in this moment right here, right now, as they fed from the other's need to emotionally stand strong for the other, even if no words were spoken, especially since no words were needed.

Leroy couldn't help but smile softly as he felt Tim's body begin to stir at the close proximity of their almost completely connected bodies. One thing was for certain, and that was that Tim was definitely a hot-blooded male with a healthy sexual appetite, even if the younger man did still firmly believe it was too easily triggered. Knowing Tim knew by now that everything was more than okay between them, he kissed his lover's temple and quietly spoke to him. "You hungry?"

"Starving" Tim answered, his tone leaving no room for doubt. As he picked his head up and stepped back enough that they could look into each other's eyes, it also became clear that Tim wasn't talking about food.

"Me too" Leroy answered back in kind, as he took Tim's hand, pulled him back to his side and walked side by side with him back upstairs.


	19. The Real World

_Many, Many thanks to delia cerrano – for the inspiration to amend this piece of the storyline.  
The story has been updated on NFA Community as well  
_

* * *

He awakens slowly, the feeling of the warmth and strength of his lover's body holding him as they lay spooned one behind the other, warms his heart and fills him with more happiness and contentment than he's ever before known As his eyes adjust to the encroaching late afternoon shadows dancing across the walls of the bedroom, he's reminded that it's getting late and they have to go to work tomorrow.

These last three days have been bliss; a heaven so high he's barely felt his feet on the ground but it's time to adjust to real life barging back into the thick of what they've developed between them. With a sigh, he turns his eyes to the hands holding him, wishing he could stay wrapped up in them forever, and knowing he can't. Tenderly, he moves those hands, careful not to wake his lover as he slides out from his embrace and eases himself from the bed.

It takes every ounce of his inner self-discipline to stay still and just bask in the beautiful sight of Leroy's peaceful countenance as the man sleeps. He'd much rather be laying there next to him, making love to him again and again. But he has to get going. He has a lot to get done and miles still to drive until he's home. Getting himself frustrated on this level certainly won't be good for his driving ability.

With a quiet scoff at that errant thought, Tim finally tears his eyes away from his lover and looks around the room one last time in search of anything of his he needs to take with him. He doesn't want to leave any work for Leroy, or any sign he's been here, in case any of the renowned snoopers on the team come calling.

Being extra quiet, he dresses, quickly writes a note and leaves it sticking out from under his pillow for Leroy to find. Tim's gone from the room while the older man sleeps on. He's just as careful descending the stairs, not wanting any noise when he steps on them. Tim makes quick work of searching through the rest of the house to remove all evidence that Gibbs has had any company at all.

When that's been done, he calls for a cab and sets his lover's coffee to brew for him in thirty minutes. Without a sound, he leaves the house, debating whether to lock the door. He knows the team usually comes by at some point and doesn't want them banging on the door to wake the man up, so he chooses to leave the door unlocked. Silently he heads out and is waiting on the sidewalk when the cab arrives

******NCIS******

"Boss!"

Tony's demanding holler from downstairs awakens Gibbs from what had been a restful sleep. Groggily, he wipes a hand across his face, sighing with frustration at this less than desired interruption into his and Tim's weekend. _Tim!_

"Hey, Boss, you alright?" This time, the younger man's voice is as close as the bottom of the stairs.

"Fine!" Gibbs shouts back as he quickly gets out of bed and dons a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt. With a huge dose of frustration, he leaves his feet bare as he opens his bedroom door to holler down at his Senior Field Agent. "What the hell you doing here on a Sunday we're not on call, DiNozzo?"

"Well, uhm, actually wanted to talk to you about something, Boss." Tony calls up the stairs. "Hey, I thought you always slept on your couch!"

Ignoring Tony's remarks for the moment, Gibbs steps into the bathroom to take care of business. He descends the stairs a few short minutes later, still ignoring the words of the younger man

"Boss?" Tony pushes. "When did you start sleeping upstairs? I thought you lived on your couch down here?"

"There some reason that should matter to you, DiNozzo?" Gibbs growls at him from behind his coffee cup as he joins him in the living room. He's not happy that Tim has left, apparently without a word to him. He is relieved, however, that this visit from Tony won't cause trouble for his new lover since there's no sign of him having been here in the first place.

"No, I guess not. It's just, well, I'm kind of worried about you, Boss."

"Why?" Gibbs' head snaps up, his eyes boring holes into his visitor's head.

"Nobody's seen you all weekend and I came by last night and your door was locked. Since when do you start locking your door?"

"What time?"

"It's almost four"

"Last night, DiNozzo. What time were you here?"

"I guess around 11."

"What's so important you came over twice to talk to me?"

"Oh, well, when you put it like that, I guess it can wai…"

"Just spit it out, DiNozzo."

"Okay. Well, I wanted to ask you if you've noticed that something's really wrong with Probie. And before you ask, I haven't been able to find him all weekend. It's like he just vanished or something."

"He's fine." Gibbs returns quickly, before almost freezing with regret at having offered the answer he would now probably have to explain.

"He's fine?" Tony asks in disbelief. "Not sure we've been in the same squad room these last few weeks, Boss, if you really think he's fine."

"DiNozzo. He's fine. Already talked to him."

"AH. I see said the blind man." Tony quips. "Well, alright then, guess I'll get out of your hair. Sorry I woke you up. Hey, you're sleeping in the middle of the afternoon? You sure you're alright, Boss?"

"Fine, DiNozzo. And so's McGee so don't go hounding him for answers to your questions."

"Just trying to look out for him." Tony replies, his wounded expression stabbing Gibbs in the gut.

"Yeah, Tony. I know. Appreciate it too. Just give him some space for a few days, alright?"

"Sure, I can do that." Tony agrees.

"I mean it."

"I know. I know. I promise. I'll leave him alone. Won't even go over there."

"Good. Thanks for the concern, Tony. "

"No problem, Boss. But, what's with the locked door? I thought your door is always open?"

"Times are changing. Sometimes locking the door's necessary." Gibbs replies cryptically as his eyes flashed with steel, daring Tony to argue or even pursue the point.

Instead, Tony nods. "Okay. I can take a hint. Listen, I'm gonna get going, let you have what's left of your weekend, so I'll ah, jus…" Tony leaves the rest of the sentence unsaid as he half-salutes the boss and heads out, quietly closing the door behind him.

Something is definitely going on with the man, but Tony has to admit that this time, he has no clue and, what's even worse, he has no business finding out what it is. He likes his head being intact on his shoulders and isn't about to risk that just to be nosy. With a quiet huff of resignation, he gets in his car and drives away.

******NCIS*****

Locking the door behind his agent, Gibbs is quick to whip out his phone and call his lover as he walks back through the house to the kitchen.

"_Hey."_ The soft voice lights a fire in the older man's groin that has him closing his eyes to ward off the flame.

"Hey, yourself. Woke up to find you gone." Gibbs manages to get out, though he fights to keep his breathing on a normal keel as the sound of Tim's voice does things to him he's never before felt.

"_Need to get ready for the real world."_ Tim sounds resigned to the fact that the coming workweek is not a good thing. _"Left you a note – sticking out from under my pillow."_

"Haven't seen it. Day's still young. Wanna see you."

With an audible gulp, Tim replies in a voice so quiet, Gibbs strains to hear him. _"I want so much more than that."_

"Tim." The older man groans before he can stop himself. "Get back here." He orders with rising passion.

"_Don't want to risk the team finding out."_

"I'm coming to you." The older man counters.

"_They know your car."_

"You let me worry about that."

"_Leroy, no."_ Tim objects. "_You've worked too long and hard to…"_

"I'll be there in twenty."

The line is silent for a minute and Gibbs almost thinks Tim has hung up, until he hears that husky whispered voice laden with arousal and expectation. _"I'll be waiting."_

******NCIS******

Tim's heart is racing, and his adrenaline is pumping, as he becomes a cleaning whirlwind, going from one room to the other in his apartment, cleaning every inch of it. All the while, he's consumed with thinking about what else he can do to make sure his apartment is at least a little appealing to his lover since he doesn't want the man to be uncomfortable here.

******NCIS******

_What a difference 24 hours makes_. Driving to Tim's almost on autopilot now, Gibbs smiles as that expression passes through his mind. Just 24 hours ago, he'd been upset, concerned and calling Ducky over for advice. Thinking on that automatically brings back to mind the conversation he'd had with his older friend.

_***Flashback***_

_"Mornin' Duck. Thanks for comin'"_

_"nonsense, my friend. You need to talk, I am here to listen. It is what friends do."_

_"Appreciate it. Tea's done. Let's take this to the living room."_

_"I take it Timothy is still asleep?"_

_Gibbs smiles softly. "Yeah."_

_Settled on the couch so they can talk quietly. Ducky quickly opens the discussion. "What is troubling you my friend?"_

_With a deep sigh, Gibbs looks away as he wipes a tired hand across his face as if to wipe away the problem. "Said I wouldn't do it. Promised him it wouldn't happen. Broke that promise already without even tryin, Duck."_

_"You did vow not to hurt him. However, you are as human as the rest of us, Jethro. A fact that Timothy is well aware of, I can assure you, especially now that the two of you have embarked on this personal journey together."_

_Gibbs denies that this is the point with a slight shake of his head, _

_"Alright. What is it that you have done that has you this upset?"_

_"Hurt him. Shut him out." Gibbs gets up and paces to the porch doors so he can look out. With a deeply frustrated expelled breath, he adds. "Lied to him."_

_The silence in the room grows and after a minute the younger man turns back to look at his friend and finds him watching him with a look that is full of sympathy and understanding. Silently retracing his steps, he rejoins Ducky on the couch, waiting to hear what he has to say._

_""Surely, you must know, Jethro, that the extraordinary woman that captured your heart so deeply all those years ago would want you to be happy; to find peace, contentment and yes, even love again? I can guess that the lie was a reflexive defensive one when he asked if what was troubling you had anything to do with him?"_

_Gibbs' shock is evident as his eyes grow wide._

_"It is the only reason you would ever shut Timothy out of whatever was going through your mind, now that you have allowed yourself to let him in and begin a relationship with him, my friend."_

_The quiet confidence in Ducky's answer tells Gibbs that Ducky's strong faith in him not to ever hurt Tim, has already considered this happenstance and had obviously already made allowances for it as well. Combined with the very same attitude from Tim, it's a humbling experience for him and he's not sure what to do with it. Finally, after a thought provoking silence, Gibbs offers his long-time friend his trademark small smile of thanks._

_Ducky accepts the silent communication and offers in return, what Gibbs has asked him over here for at 0630 on Sunday morning. "Jethro, I seriously doubt that Shannon would be at all happy to see you continue to carry the pain of her loss as deeply or even as closed up as you have all these years. You must know she would want you to be able to make room in your heart for whoever it is that earned that place next to her. And we both know that if that place did not belong to Timothy, you would never have allowed him in in- the first place."_

_Swallowing hard around the lump in his throat, Gibbs snaps his eyes closed for a minute. Opening his eyes again, he looks straight at Ducky. "Thanks."_

_"You are quite welcome my friend." Ducky returns as he gets up and heads towards the front door, obviously realizing his presence is no longer needed. He stops and looks at Gibbs. "How is Timothy?"_

_"He offered to walk away, Duck."_

_Three heartbeats later, Ducky finally offers a reply to that emotionally charged statement. "Knowing, Timothy as we do,, that does not come as a surprise; hence, the question. How is he?"_

_"Trusting me to work on it." Gibbs replies with enough quietness in his tone and seriousness in his expression that the genuineness of his emotions are plain to see. He is honored by Tim's continued trust. Ducky's too. They're both doing all they can to let him off the hook here; one he clearly is having trouble letting himself off of._

_With sympathy once again in his expression, Ducky offers one more piece of advice. "So long as you keep the communication open with him about it, Jethro, there should be no cause to worry about it further."_

_Gibbs nods shortly in silent agreement, his face a study in hope as the two of them walk to the front door. Once there, the Team Leader claps his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Thanks, Duck."_

_"Anytime, Jethro. Anytime. Do enjoy the remainder of your weekend together, hmm?"_

_"Will do, Doc. Will do."_

_****End Flashback****. _

Pulling into his secret parking spot far enough away from Tim's apartment that his whereabouts is not an outright advertisement, Gibbs is quickly enroute to his lover's apartment with a smile on his face as he casts his mind over what had been the rest of the day until now. They most definitely have enjoyed the rest of their weekend, beginning with Gibbs serving Tim breakfast in bed shortly after Ducky's departure by 0700.

A long, quiet talk over a leisurely romantic breakfast, an open invitation from his remarkable new lover to take his time but not ever feel like he can't openly share or show pieces of his life with Shannon and Kelly - and suddenly, hope for a happy future had quickly resurfaced - spurring him on to reclaim the romance that had fed this fire with the spark of this new love.

The hours had slipped away as they enjoyed each other and the building of their relationship, one honest moment at a time, be it physical or vocal. Before they'd known it the morning had disappeared and the middle of the day marched in, only to find them both much too wrapped up in each other, in every way that matters most, to bother with lunch or getting out of bed.

An early afternoon nap had come almost naturally as they'd intertwined around each other and let their exhaustion tug them under, both content and confident that they had indeed, found something real and meaningful within the arms of the other.

******NCIS******

He can't wait to have Leroy and creates a new record of three minutes of the fastest shower ever, before donning his silkiest boxers just in time to briefly rub a towel briskly through his hair. Without looking at his watch he knows it's time and wraps himself in his bathrobe before heading to the apartment door. He opens it, just as his lover reaches it, hand raised to knock on the door.

Without a word spoken, Tim steps behind the door as Gibbs slips through it and before he realizes it, the doors' been closed and locked. Now Tim's mouth is dancing with his lover's, their arms embracing each other as their groins collide and nestle together, wringing moans of pleasure from both of them.

It's a dance of sensuous hunger with a frenzy that takes a while to lose its heat but when it does, Tim's left breathing heavily as he lets his head fall back to the door with a soft thump. "Oh, God." He murmurs breathlessly. "How'd… get here?"

"I have my ways." Leroy's answer is thick with lustful intentions as he takes Tim's hand in his own, leading him away from the front door. As they approach the living room, Tim silently shakes his head as he turns them around and leads the way to his bedroom, not letting go of Leroy's hand for a minute.

This time together is too special to spend time trying to get comfortable on that couch. With every step closer to the bedroom they get, the faster Tim's heart beats and it's all he can do to keep his hands off his lover. He wants to wait for Leroy to make the first move; needs to see what it is the older man needs and wants from him specifically. He has to; to make sure he gets this right.

Once over the threshold of Tim's bedroom with the spacious king sized bed just a few steps away, Leroy's' lust roars to the surface as the wanton hunger in Tim's eyes feeds the fire with that purest fuel. "C'mere."

As the husky invitation reaches his ears, Tim sheds his bathrobe and steps into his lover's arms, his own inhibitions long gone and his lust for this beautiful man so sharp and strong it steals his breath away.

_Oh, yeah, the real world can wait!_


	20. Reality Bites - Part I

_**A/N: **My deepest, humble apologies for the long delay in posting this next chapter_

_- it is the 1st of three in the next, yet unfinished piece of this saga - and it incidentally bears a title very close to the **very** different wip I have going_

_- I do not know when I will have the time to write more on this one. Only the next 3 chapters have already been written._

_ Heck of a writer's block, I know. - __Again, I apologise._

_and now, moving forward..._

_Buckle up, folks. The team interaction and reactions begin!_

* * *

_Going back to work on the first day since the night at the club, Tim finds his expectations for the day aren't on the same page as the reality that unfolds. What does this mean for his new relationship with Leroy?_

* * *

_Monday Morning – 1100 – MCRT SQUAD ROOM_

"McGee!" Tony's stage whisper garners his target; Tim's reaction, as the younger man looks over at his team mate and friend tiredly.

"Huh? What, Tony? Something wrong?"

"Wrong?" Tony jibes sarcastically as he jumps up and double times it over to Tim's desk. "Man, what's _up_ with you? First you were actin' all 'out of it for the past month – then you talk to Gibbs about it – and not me? I _get_ that you needed to talk to him because he's the boss, Probie, but to give us the whole 'sunshine and roses' routine while you were actin' pissed at him all morning?"

"What? Tony what are you talking about?" Now Tim is genuinely confused. Sure he's deliberately; _very_ deliberately, kept from looking at the man he'd just spent the entire weekend wrapped around and making love to; but pissed at him? Hell no, he's not pissed at Gibbs! In fact, he's hyper aware of being too close to him without being able to touch him; at least not in any way that resembles the intimacy they'd shared all weekend long.

"Probie, when you won't even look at the man, it's pretty damned obvious you're trying your damnedest to avoid him. And since he's not pissed at you for anything, it's gotta be the other way around. That means it something big. So spill. What'd he do?"

"Tony, I'm just tired. I didn't get much sleep last night. I'm not pissed at Gibbs, alright?" Tim replies in frustration. "I appreciate your concern, really, I do. But' everything's fine."

"Sleep deprivation, huh?" Tony digs in where the conversational tide grabbed his attention. "So who was the lucky lady this time? Wait! Don't tell me; your online Level 3 Sorceress again!"

"My level 3 Sorceress; a.k.a Tony DiNozzo; a.k.a _you_, you mean?" Tim asks with an uplifted eyebrow and a frown. "Uhm, that would be a no, DiNozzo, but thanks for that _vivid_ reminder. And the answer to your question is; my private life is my own and it's going to stay that way."

"Ouch, Probie." Tony smarts back as he plops down in his desk chair once again. "Sheesh, can't blame a guy for checkin' on his partner, can you? I mean, c'mon, McGee, none of us are blind. We all saw how down in the dumps you've been these last few weeks. Was kinda worried we'd have to call out the big guns for ya."

Tim sighs before offering a response that will be what the older man needs to hear. "Thanks, Tony. Seriously. And I know you did call them out. I mean you even asked Gibbs, so I know you were worried. So, thank you. But, I promise you, I'm fine."

"Perhaps you _are_ over-reacting Tony. After all, the only expression I have seen on Gibbs' face today has looked like a grin to me." Ziva reminds the older man quietly as she sidles up to the conversation. She's listened quietly until now but has filed this away for future contemplation on the subject because Tony is right.

"Which is exactly my point, Ziva." Tony replies seriously.

"_What's_ your point, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asks as he comes around the corner back into the squad room without missing a step or batting an eye; continuing on his way to his desk. It's all he can do to hide his smirk behind his coffee cup. Thank goodness he never has to be without that.

"Uhm, nothing, Boss. Getting back to work on cold cases now." The flustered Senior Field Agent stammers out as he does just that.

"Uhm, hmm. Sounds about right." The Team Leader half-heartedly replies as he picks up a piece of paper off his desk and comes back toward Tony's workspace. Once again, he keeps going as he speaks. "C'mon, McGee. You're with me."

"Told ya, you were in trouble for being so ticked at the man all mornin', Probie." Tony sympathizes even while joking as he watches the two men head out to the elevator.

Flabbergasted that Tony would speak of it out loud, Ziva stares at him open-mouthed while he grins back at her; neither of them witnessing the matching grin on the Team Leader's face as he turns an almost predatory look in Tim's direction.

_Oh, Crap! _Tim gulps hard as his brain tries to back up quick; find the exact point that has gotten him into this hot water.

******NCIS******

He expected the sudden stop of the elevator as the boss engages 'his office'. He expected the stern look he's getting since he has had a lot of trouble keeping his bedroom thoughts buried enough for it to be safe for him to look across the squad room at his lover all morning. He'd done the next best thing instead, deliberately refrained from looking his way at all. Apparently, that has backfired too.

Truth be told, Tim really doesn't know the exact moment his way of handling the situation landed him here, called to the office. He just wishes the man would go ahead and tell him. What he isn't expecting is the quiet question he hears now.

"Thought we talked about this." Gibbs reminds Tim almost seductively as he remains in place, just out of reach of the younger man's arms. It's been so hard this morning, refraining from laughing outright at his lover's determination and refusal to look at him even once – just so no one will see how much trouble his agent really does have in hiding what he's thinking or feeling. Now he's given him the opening to talk - and the younger man is still silent, probably from nerves and guilt.

Finally, unwilling to keep Tim in the hot seat, Gibbs had gone to Vance with a request – a plan. Thankfully, the Agency Director has agreed. Hopefully, this will ease the situation, albeit with a little temporary adjustment all the way around – maybe, just maybe, they can work through this without causing all hell to break loose or straining their still growing personal relationship.

Seeing Tim glance at him nervously now, Gibbs huffs out a tiny laugh. "Your mind's been back home all morning."

_Home! _Tim smiles softly at the older man's accurate assessment that tugs at his own heart strings considering they'd spent the night at Tim's apartment, wrapped in each other's arms, the phrasing touches Tim. Hell, they'd even shared breakfast and showers together this morning before the boss had headed out alone, leaving behind one very sated and appreciative young lover who couldn't wait for the work day to be over. So, yeah, today has been a super tough adjustment – one Tim's still fine-tuning, obviously. _You **do** realize that by not denying it, you just admitted you can't concentrate on your job now, right? Can't take **you** out in the field, now can we?_ _Oh, crap!_

With a knowing look, Gibbs nods as he leans back against the elevator wall, still refusing to touch Tim while he waits for his agent to work through this admission and the repercussions it should bring. With his ability to wrap himself in self-control when needed, the older man's had no trouble - well, less trouble than Tim, in keeping thier relationship at home today.

Crestfallen and already mentally berating himself, Tim looks across the space between them, locking eyes with the man he knows he cannot have as a lover and a boss – at least not without something having to give. He just doesn't know what that something will have to be and he's not sure he wants to find out. That's probably why he'd refused to even think about this all weekend.

But now, reality is biting him in the behind and it's obvious decisions have to be made. Hell will freeze over before he willingly gives up his new relationship with Leroy. So, that leaves the job.

"Tim." Gibbs pulls him from his thoughts.

"I screwed up." Tim admits guiltily. "I couldn't prepare for this."

"No, no, you couldn't. " Gibbs sympathizes. "But, we both know I can't have you out in the field until you can."

"I know." Tim admits dejectedly. "Like I said, I screwed up."

Gibbs quietly chastises him. "Stop beating yourself up for it."

Tim nods. "What's my punishment?"

The feral grin that lights up the elevator has Tim's blood pressure soaring, as does the quiet laugh that accompanies it. It's obvious the older man took _that_ question back to the bedroom.

Tim feels himself getting tense as he waits silently because he knows the real answer is forthcoming.

Gibbs doesn't disappoint as he gets serious once again. "Cybercrimes."

"Seriously?" Tim doesn't know whether to be relieved or upset. On the one hand he knows he can't stay on Team Gibbs – at least not right now - if he wants to keep Leroy - and he DEFINATELY won't be giving him up. On the other hand, he also knows what a step down it will look like he's taking. AND he won't be able to help protect the team or help them nearly as much down in Cybercrimes.

Still, since it obviously means choosing between having Leroy as his lover – someone who has shown him what it feels like to be loved and to genuinely give back – on all levels – or working with Gibbs on his team – well, the choice is a no-brainer.

"Supervisor – in Training." Gibbs breaks into his thoughts to inform him without changing his tone.

"Me?" Tim is shocked. Never would he have seen this coming.

"Time to get serious about your career moves." His former Team Leader advises in a tone that says Tim should have already seen the signs that this was in his future.

The fact that they'd not even had any conversation about how work was going to be affected with their relationship has helped this conversation blindside Tim now and all he can do is stammer. "But, Boss, I…"

"You're ready, Tim." It's a statement of faith, bound in the strength and conviction seared by the depths of those cobalt blue eyes that aren't wavering now, any more than they have all weekend long. Quietly, clarification is offered to boost Tim's ability to process the fact that this is the new reality. "To _train_ for it. When _we_ need you for a case – you'll be pulled to assist."

Again, all Tim can do is nod. Suddenly, it hits him. He didn't ask or even plan for this, so Gibbs must have taken care of this for him, despite Tim's less than stellar abilities to keep things in perspective better this morning. In a voice suddenly thick with emotion, he offers all that he can at the moment. "Thank you!"

With a wolfish smile that promises payment will be extracted later, Gibbs breaks his self-induced moratorium on breaching Tim's personal space at work to lean in closely. With a sparkle in his eye, he whispers. "You can show your appreciation later."

While Tim struggles to maintain the 'no touching' rule that had been set up by mutual unspoken understanding between them, Gibbs grins before he turns back to the elevator switch – and flips it – sending them back up to the squad room.

Working hard to pull himself back together, Tim swallows hard and shifts his focus back on the job. "Uhm, Boss. When, exactly….?"

Without missing a beat Gibbs replies with a hungry look in his eyes "1800." Smiling softly at the confused look on the young man's face, he answers Tim's actual question. "0700 tomorrow. Meeting with the Director."

Catching up to the double meaning within the man's answers, Tim smiles hungrily in return, just as the elevator door opens back up.

*******NCIS********

Alone at last in the comfort and privacy of his own apartment, Tim breathes out deeply. It's been a hell of a day and he's thankful that no bloodshed took place. For a while, after Gibbs had informed his team about the changes taking place beginning the next day, Tim thought sure Tony would be blaming Tim for screwing up and causing this change. He'd seen the look the Senior Field Agent had sent the boss and the one given in response, too. Those two have been communicating in synch for a long time and Tim isn't bothered by it; as much as he is unsure of the team's reaction to the truth behind the changes – when they do find out.

A knock on the door behind him, startles Tim out of his thoughts. He hasn't been home for ten minutes so he's still wearing his piece and badge. Since the boss was still working when he left out with Tony and Ziva who were going out to dinner together, he isn't expecting anyone yet. Wanting a minute to settle that much, he calls out. "Just a minute."

"Food's getting' cold."

The sound of Leroy's voice on the other side of the door hurries Tim's motions and quickens his heart. _Will it always be like this?_

Opening the door after a short minute with a welcoming smile, Tim quickly takes the bag of take-out food from the older man's hands, leaving Gibbs to shut the door behind him. Setting the bag down on the counter, Tim's not really surprised to feel strong, impatient arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him backwards until their bodies line up together, turning up the heat on the moment very quickly. With a moan of pleasure, Tim relaxes into Leroy's embrace.

No words have even been spoken yet and still the air has already become thick with hunger and need mixed with animal magnetism and barely constrained control. Tipping his head back into the steady shoulder supporting him as his butt cradles his lover's rapidly growing rod, still encased in his trousers, Tim seeks and finds Leroy's mouth, engaging him in a dance with their tongues while he wraps his free arm up around his neck, completely lost in the moment.

Puling Tim's busy hand away from his trousers, Leroy entangles his own hand with it; their fingers intertwining as their hips dance to the same tune as their mouths. It's a short dance and is broken by the need to breathe when Tim pulls away and leans his head back on Leroy's shoulder once more, his breaths still ragged and uneven.

Tim has to smile when immediately his neck is caressed by nibbles, licks and kisses. His nipples are sought for, found and treated to the same a very short time later, wringing pleasure filled moan from the younger man. "Mmmm." He attempts to communicate something important they're forgetting around the fresh assault of kisses being reined on his mouth. "We….should….eat…foo…you…brou…"

Leroy stops kissing him to growl in his ear while his free hand travels further south and begins to cradle and massage the expanding package he's pounced on, "Appreciation first."

Blatant sensual hunger mixed with anticipation fills Tim's husky promise as he steps back just enough to tug his lover toward the bedroom. "Appreciation - coming right up."


	21. Reality Bites - Part II

From across the table in the quiet diner as she silently works her way through the chef salad and white wine she's ordered, Ziva watches Tony struggle to multi-task with eating and thinking. He's been extremely quiet ever since Gibbs broke the news to them earlier in the day, that McGee has been transferred off the team – and that they'll be dealing with a TAD and getting a new permanent team member within the next two weeks. She's had trouble understanding the reason for the suddenness of such change but she has never been one to question the why in any situation – when handed down from higher ups – that is. Still, even now, Ziva can't help but wonder – as the boss' no nonsense announcement earlier in the day and the after-effects skates back over her mind again.

***Flashback***

"_Gonna be some changes made. McGee's being offered the chance to train for a step up. Keeton'll be TAD until we find someone permanent to fill his spot."_

_Sitting beside Tony in the conference room Gibbs has just summoned them to; Ziva feels frozen in place with shock. Her first reaction is to look to see how Tony is taking the news, only to find him already leaving the room, the loud banging of the door as it closes behind him, reverberating through the room. There are too many possibilities of what the Senior Field Agent might be thinking for Ziva to even attempt to hazard a guess, but she does look over at the boss to see how he's taking Tony's sudden and non-verbal response to what he's just told them._

_Finding the nearly patented unreadable expression on the boss' face, Ziva sighs in frustration. She isn''t happy to be losing Tim off the team, by any means. But, if this was as Gibbs had stated, a step up for her friend, than she could come to accept it. Change, after all, happens all the time. It's when things don't change for so long that you get comfortable and complacent, that these kinds of things hurt us the most. Then again how could they be sure what Tony was feeling right now was hurt?_

_Mentally shaking herself to clear that thought pattern, Ziva turns her attention to the only other person in the room; the one with the answers. "This is a good thing for McGee, yes?"_

_Gibbs' answer is quick and quiet, a reassurance filled with promise. "Yeah, Ziva. It is."_

_For a long silent minute, the two remain almost frozen in time; Ziva searching for the knowledge that her friend is not being asked to make a mistake, while her Team Leader- cum surrogate father guarantees through his unwavering cobalt blue orbs, that no one is setting Tim up for such a fall; that everything is on the level._

_Finally, after only a moment, Ziva feels convinced that all is right with this change, despite what it will mean for the team. Gibbs has never lied to her before and he cares about his team. That much she knows without a doubt. With a short nod of her head, she offers her support, not only to her Team Leader, but for her friend as well. "Alright, then. I am happy for him, although I will dearly miss him from our team." _

_With a matching short nod, Gibbs remains silent while he opens the door for her and together they head back to the squad room, ready to get on with the day._

_***End Flashback***_

Tony pauses in the middle of lifting a fork of his favorite lasagna to his mouth as some of what his now former teammate said to him earlier that morning clicks into place within the puzzle that has been '_what's going on with McGee' _for the past month now.

"…_And the answer to your question is; my private life is my own and it's going to stay that way."_

Since when has Tim gotten so defensive about his private life? Sure, the guy's always cried about how it _should_ be private – but this? This stern decree just isn't McGee-ish. So wha…?

"Tony?" Ziva questions as she sets her own fork down so they can discuss whatever it is that is obviously on her partner's mind. "Something is bothering you, yes?"

Lost in his recollections, Tony only hears the sound of his now former teammate in his ears.

_"… I know you did call them out. I mean you even asked Gibbs, so I know you were worried…" _

How in the _hell_ would Probie know that he'd gone to the boss about him? Gibbs would never … Wait, what was it earlier in the day that got his radar up about Tim when Gibbs called him to 'the office'? Tony remembers smirking after making the comment to Tim about being in trouble and then getting back to work – or at least trying to – and lasting an entire two minutes.

_***Flashback***_

"_I can't stand not knowing what's going on in there!" Tony announces as he tosses his pen down and shoots to his feet, hurrying over to the elevator._

_As he passes Ziva's desk, she hisses at him. "Tony! Do NOT be rude!"_

"_It's a train-wreck waitin' to happen and I gotta be there, Zee-vah!" Tony explains excitedly as he bounces on the balls of his feet where he's stopped just a few feet from her desk. "I mean, come, ON! Probie's been so obvious all morning, how can the boss, NOT be going off on him?"_

_With his eyes locked on the elevator door, he's waiting with a Cheshire cat grin, until, that is, the door opens up to reveal a smirking Gibbs and Tim who, if Tony didn't know better, looks like he's just been thoroughly…? No way! _

_****End Flashback***_

_THAT's what it was!_ Tony chokes on his forkful of food and drops the utensil to his plate while rushing to drink some water. Once the crisis is passed, he pushes his plate away and drops his hands onto the table where his plate had just been. With his hands clenching and unclenching into fists, his eyes lock on his water glass, staring into it without seeing anything beyond the picture this puzzle was turning into.

Ziva attempts to soothe her obviously angry dinner partner while reminding him of the reality of the situation she believes this behavior of his to be about."Tony? You are upset with McGee leaving the team, yes? I too am unhappy to lose him from our team that has become so…what is the word,.. well-adjusted. But! We must be able to see that this is a good move for him. We should be happy for him and proud of him for earning this opportunity!"

His friend and team mate's words barely register on Tony's brain because the voice in his head that's already hard at work to overwhelm him, isn't hers. No, the voice that just won't shut up now is the source of one of the biggest pieces to this puzzle. Gibbs – and his strange conversation with him just yesterday.

_... "When did you start sleeping upstairs? I thought you lived on your couch down here?"_

_"There some reason that should matter to you, DiNozzo?"_

_.., I wanted to ask you if you've noticed that something's really wrong with Probie. And before you ask, I haven't been able to find him all weekend. It's like he just vanished or something."_

_"He's fine." _

_"He's fine? Not sure we've been in the same squad room these last few weeks, Boss, if you really think he's fine."_

_"DiNozzo. He's fine. Already talked to him."_

_"AH. I see said the blind man. Well, alright then, guess I'll get out of your hair. Sorry I woke you up. Hey, you're sleeping in the middle of the afternoon?..." _

"_Tony!_**"** Ziva tries again to break into his obviously troubled thoughts, still to no avail. Sighing, she sits back to wait this out. Hopefully, he'll talk to her when he's done thinking it to death.

_Oh, no! no! NO!_ Tony's mind screams in denial as the picture before it becomes as clear as day – helped along by yet another piece that makes its definition and character unmistakable:

_"...You sure you're alright, Boss?"_

_"Fine, DiNozzo. And so's McGee so don't go hounding him for answers to your questions."_

_"Just trying to look out for him, Boss." _

_"Yeah, Tony. I know."_

_"Thanks for the concern, Tony." Appreciate it too. Just give him some space for a few days, alright?"_

_"Sure, Boss. I can do that." _

_"I mean it."_

Since when does the boss talk like that? He KNEW something was off when he was over there! Tony's memory drags up another piece to include in the problem that just seems to keep getting bigger and bigger.

_"No problem, Boss. But, what's with the locked door? I thought your door is always open?"_

_"Times are changing. Sometimes locking the door's necessary."_

Tony scowls now as countless questions and possible answers storm through his mind. _Changing? Necessary? Gibbs and McGee talking about personal stuff? Now the probie's off the team? No! HELL NO! That CAN'T be right!_

"Tony! Please, talk to me!" Ziva is practically begging now since it upsets her to see her friend and co-worker obviously very angry about whatever it is he's been thinking about all afternoon. There's no doubt he's not any closer to having it resolved and not talking about it seems to have only made him angrier.

"_Tony, I'm just tired. I didn't get much sleep last night. I'm not pissed at Gibbs, alright?"… _

Tony's brain slides the last remaining puzzle piece into place as his anger soars through the roof. He the hates it and can't wrap his mind around it but knows he's put it together regardless ._That's it! It has to be!_

Abruptly, he jumps to his feet, yanking his wallet out of his back pocket and opening it up to grab some bills from it. Throwing money for his and Ziva's dinner down onto the table, he stumbles through an apology. "Sorry, Ziva. Lost my appetite."

He can't even risk looking over at her, for fear she'll be able to talk him out of what he has to do about this. But there's no way in hell, he can talk to her about it. Not today, not tomorrow, probably not ever!

Without another word, he's gone from the diner, the speed in which he's moving giving his abandoned dinner partner at least a partial sense of just how angry he is even if she still does not know exactly why. She only wishes she did know so she could try to help him get a better handle on how it is affecting him. With a heartfelt sigh, she signals for the waitress so she can pay for the meal and go home. Suddenly, she's lost her appetite as well.

*******NCIS*******

Snuggled together in Tim's bed, Leroy and his younger lover quietly talk through the events of the day and what the upcoming changes will mean for them as a couple. With small, yet meaningful touches, their intimacy continues to enhance the foundation of their relationship as they each confess their concerns and expectations, albeit, in bits and pieces. Neither has ever been known as talkers, yet here in each other's company, wrapped in love and support that is still growing and deepening, both are amazingly comfortable with the concept and give as well as listen.

It's the subject of the team finding out about them as a couple that has Tim most worried. Once that subject is mentioned, the air between them seems to become tangibly filled with worry. "Tim. Don't let this get to you. They'll either accept it or they won't. Either way, it won't change what we have – what we're building here." Leroy promises quietly, his eyes locked onto Tim's.

Tim nods. "I saw the look he gave you earlier. I know that you two can practically read each other's mind, so you probably know what he was thinking better than anybody."

"Not gonna play the guessing game with this, Tim. He'll tell us when he's ready." Leroy replies as he continues to caress the younger man's arms. Lying here together is extremely comforting, even if he's still in awe of it all. It's a feeling, he won't quite admit to, but it keeps him quieter than usual and more pensive than he's ever been considered to be.

"Except he's about as verbal with what he's really thinking as you are – at work." Tim reminds him quietly. "But, I agree. We have to wait him out. If he was ready to talk, he'd have done it already."

"Yup."

"Okay. We can agree to do our damnedest not to let it hurt us, at least." Tim's tone is hopeful more than certain.

"You got that right." The older man declares with heartfelt conviction as he pulls Tim back to him and nestles closer to him, for once, happy to keep things smoldering on cuddle.

*******NCIS*******

Ducky settles into his bed, his favorite pillow propped behind his head and his favorite book nestled in his hands as he finally allows himself to call it a night and sit back to relax within the story's pages. Unfortunately, he's not destined to enjoy the moment as it's shattered by the ringing of his cell phone.

"Hello?"

"_YOU KNEW!"_

With a troubled sigh, the M.E. does what he can to diffuse this unexpected and obviously tenuous moment. With his voice as calm as he can manage, he probes for the answers he'll need from his caller to deal with this. "What is it you believe I knew about, Anthony?"

"_The boss and the Prob…God, just tryin' to say it makes me sick! I KNOW they wouldn't have paired up without confiding in you! That's how Gibbs is! So, I KNOW you knew! How long, Doctor Mallard?"_ Tony demands.

The younger man's white hot fury literally vibrates through the phone line and Ducky's penchant for all that is privacy and respect for others recoils at the agent's imperious tone and nosiness. It's not his business, no matter how obviously upset he happens to be! This needs to be squashed right here and now, that's for sure.

Letting his own ire out to be heard, the M.E. issues his response in his own no-nonsense tone. "Kindly refrain from taking that tone with me, Agent DiNozzo. As for what information you believe I _do_ or do _not_ have privy to – well, I'm afraid, I am _no_t in the business of sharing unless given permission to do so!"

"_Damn it, Ducky!"_ Tony sprouts off, still too furious to watch his tone or his words.

"Perhaps you will be in a better frame of mind to discuss this tomorrow, young man. DO NOT take this attack of yours any further! Go home and get a good night's sleep! "

"Yeah." Tony mutters as he abruptly ends the call and glares angrily at the phone still in his hand. _That'll be the day!_

********NCIS*******

"How have you been getting here?" Tim asks his lover quietly as they sit on his bed, snuggled under his cozy comforter. "Yesterday? Tonight? You still haven't told me."

Leroy snickers as he kisses Tim on the temple and hugs him a shade tighter. "I have my ways." As his cell phone rings from where it's sitting beside the bed, he reaches for it with only one hand and snaps it open with a frown as he speaks into it. "Yeah, Gibbs!"

From Tim's side of the conversation, there's silence as his lover listens to whomever it is that's calling. It almost sounds like Ducky, but he can't be sure and it's not in his nature to pry. Whatever it's about, he knows he'll find out if he's supposed to know. Silently, he eases from Leroy's arms and sits back so the older man can have his conversation without distraction.

It's hard to get an idea of what's going on because Leroy has closed his eyes and is wiping his hand over his face in obvious frustration, all the while still listening wordlessly to his caller. A pounding on the door, startles Tim into practically leaping from the bed and grabbing for his boxers as he glances back at Leroy.

Seeing the scowl presently on the older man's face sends his own stomach down to his knees as he hurries to wrestle the boxers on before he scrambles for the door. Tim swings the bedroom door to close behind him as he rushes through it in a hurry to silence the belligerent racket he's sure is disturbing every one of his neighbors - all three floors of them. He's only half-way down the hall when a voice bellows alongside the still banging fists.

"OPEN UP THIS DAMN DOOR BEFORE I BREAK IT DOWN, MCGEE!"


	22. Reality Bites - Part III

**A/N: **_A special 'thank you' goes out to delia cerrano for her valued advice/counsel on this chapter.  
_

_A bit of different perspectives in this one - so bear with me with the repeating of some things, if you would please._

_ - remember, this was written 11/11/13. (delayed in posting to put some distance between this and the other wip with similar title.)  
_

* * *

Leroy closes his eyes and sighs tiredly as his long-time friend's warning sounds in his ear through the phone. The fact that there's no preamble from the normally talkative soul raises the younger man's concern even higher already. He feels his lover slip from his arms and mentally thanks him for it because he knows Tim's giving him the space to have this conversation in peace, not pulling away for any other reason. Ducky's voice continues on in his ear:

"_It seems Anthony believes such a relationship is not one you would have endeavored to attempt without first speaking to me on the matter. While I do not understand why he thinks this way, it matters not at the moment. What does matter is that I warned him not to take it any further this evening, but to go home and sleep." I believe it is safe to say that you and Timothy will have your hands full"_

_******BANG****BANG***BANG***BANG***BANG***BANG*****_

Seeing Tim jump in shock and practically fall out of bed while hastening to get dressed, all the while shooting him a concerned look, Gibbs refrains from saying anything to spook him or freak him out worse. Maybe he should prepare him but before he can, Tim is gone from the room, hurrying to quiet the noise that's undoubtedly disturbing his entire building of neighbors.

"Thanks for the heads-up, Duck. Guess he didn't take your advice." Gibbs finally speaks, getting to his feet and scoopIng up his own boxers as Ducky's voice again sounds in his ear.

"_Oh, no! Jethro, I'm…"_

"OPEN UP THIS DAMN DOOR BEFORE I BREAK IT DOWN, MCGEE!"

"_Dear heavens, this will not go well at all! Do be sure and not let this escalate into anything phys…!"_

"Relax, Duck. I got this. No bloodshed. I promise." The Team Leader interrupts. "Gotta go. Get some sleep." Snapping his phone shut, he slides the boxers on and reaches for the door handle.

"You wanna talk, DiNozzo, you'd better quiet down real quick!" Tim's voice is loud but not nearly as loud as Tony's banging or yelling had been.

It's the anger and determination within his lover's voice that stills Gibbs' motions. He'll listen and be ready to back the younger man up, but he won't take the control of how this goes from Tim, since the younger man is the one currently in Tony's crosshairs. The promise of not allowing this to escalate, however, has him stepping out of the bedroom and into the kitchen so he'll be as close to the confrontation as he can be while still remaining out of sight.

"Fine! But if you don't let me in – in three sec…bout damned time you open the door, _Pro_-bie!" Tony growls as he steps over the threshold and stops in his tracks. The punch has already been thrown and is already flying through the air as Tim steps back and luckily he sees it and is able to duck while he's moving. This throws Tony off and the Senior Field Agent stumbles and starts to fall face first into the corner of the entry-way table that he isn't expecting to be there.

Surprisingly quick on his feet, Tim launches himself at Tony, football player style, sending them both the floor, but in relative safety without any confrontations with the table. Quickly disengaging himself from the older man, Tim gets to his feet and offers Tony a hand up. Rather than take it, Tony bats it away and sits up, choosing to scoot back until he's sitting with his back to the wall, staring straight ahead, without saying a word.

Leaving him there, Tim retreats to the kitchen; stopping in surprise when he finds Leroy standing in the doorway, just out of sight, watching his Senior Field Agent like a hawk. There was a time that Tim would have labeled the look he sees on the older man's face as unreadable but now, he knows it to be one of pained disappointment. Wordlessly, Tim steps around him but gives his arm a reassuring squeeze before pouring himself and Tony both a cup of coffee. With a small smile of thanks in Gibbs' direction for the coffee that wouldn't be ready if the older man hadn't gotten it going already, Tim heads back to the living room to deal with his friend and former teammate in a way that won't cause his lover any more hurt.

Reinvigorated with the strength of Leroy's silent support and the love and belief in him that the older man has shown him in spades over the past weekend – over the past month, actually, Tim realizes he _can _handle this. The anger rising up within him for the hurt on his lover's face and the need to make Tony see that his actions are affecting more than just himself, has him _wanting_ to take care of this solo and quickly. This Tony that he's never had to even witness, never mind, deal with, is not going to tear down anything; not the team and certainly, not his relationship with Leroy, no matter how much it angers the Senior Field Agent.

But, the thought that Tony might feel hurt by his obvious discovery – somehow- of Tim's relationship with Gibbs, well, that's another story. Hurting Tony had never been part of Tim's plan and isn't something he wants to do. It was that thought that had Tim getting Tony a cup of coffee and heading back now to the hallway to deal with this head on.

Holding out the cup toward the Senior Field Agent, Tim quietly suggests. "Here, drink this."

"Don't **want** it." Tony replies bullishly as his eyes remain staring straight ahead. "I'm not druunk!"

"Okay." Tim returns without batting an eye as he sets the coffee down on the table he's just saved Tony from. Settling on his feet with his back to the opposite wall from Tony and crossing his arms against his chest, Tim offers the older man the chance to start this ball rolling. "Now that you're not waking my neighbors –– or the dead; why don't you say what you came here to say, Tony?"

Tony is back on his feet and in Tim's face in a heartbeat. "**You** _lied_ to me!"

"I didn't lie to you about anything, DiNozzo." The younger man's response is quiet and unwavering even as he steps back enough to be out of the other man's space.

"Oh, YES, _you_ did! A lie of omission is _still_ a LIE! You weren't pissed at Gibbs- because you're too busy SLEEPING with him!" Tony yells in fury. "**Wha**t, you didn't think I'd put the pieces together, _Probie,_ is _that _it? Didn't think I'd catch your little _play_ on words? Or figure out you spent the whole day NOT looking at him so I wouldn't see you lusting after him? Got news for ya, YOU out-ted yourself with your little spiel about '_I know you pulled out the big guns because you went to Gibbs._' The ONLY way you would have known that I went to Gibbs _out of concern for you, by the way_ – was if Gibbs told you – and HE would never do that – unless… God, I can't even say it again – it makes me sick!"

Tony practically throws himself as far away from Tim as he can get, his feet taking him to the living room.

Taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out, Tim glances toward the kitchen, knowing Tony's reaction is hurting his lover and hating it. The empty doorway verifies that and raises the anger Tim's feeling towards Tony. All concern about the Senior Field Agent being hurt in this – has transformed itself into anger that Leroy is being verbally treated this way by someone he's long considered to be the son he'd never had. The man's been through enough pain and loss in his life. To have his relationship with Tony take this blow when they could have talked it out much more calmly instead could be devastating and that thought is the only one that keeps Tim from blowing up at Tony's insensitivity and obvious bias.

With another deep breath taken and slowly released, Tim steps into the living room after Tony. Finding the older man standing morosely at the window with the steel stiffness in his shoulders does nothing to ease the anger steadily building inside but for Leroy's sake, he does what he can to keep this civil and try to get it under control. "Well, at least you're honest about it." Tim offers without raising his voice.

Tony whips around angrily. "Don't talk to _me_ about being honest!"

"So, you're homophobic after all. Is that it?" Tim asks almost too calmly. "After making fun of me for years – and telling all the ladies in Accounting that the new probie was gay – when he wasn't, by the way – and all your declarations over the years about _not_ being offended by anyone who swings that way – was all a _lie_?"

"What? NO! NO, I am NOT phobic- of ANY thing! No, I don't care about that! The part that pisses me off, McGee, outside of the fact that you've been lying to us all these years, is that – out of every other man out there – on the planet, for God's sake – you somehow hoodwink _Gibbs_? How the hell you managed that, I'll NEVER understand – but the Team is off limits and YOU KNOW IT! Rule 12, remember? NO one gets to break that rule!"

Seeing the Senior Field Agent's hands clenching and unclenching into fists, Tim's gut knots up with concern. He swallows a retort about the Senior Field Agent carrying the torch and pushing it with Ziva all these years. Still, he pushes on, needing to do this for Leroy, as much as for Tony. The more aired now, the less room for misunderstandings later. It's obvious Tony will not listen to being set straight on some facts, so Tim pushes this toward present resolution instead. "You rehearse that speech on your way over here, Tony? Just to be clear – you're _pissed _about my relationship with Gibbs changing into an intimate one – but not _hurt_ by it. Is that right, Tony? Because I really need you to clarify that for me. For _all _of us." Tim pushes firmly, his tone strong without a trace of backing down.

"What? Why? What the hell does it matter?" Tony's anger is still tangible in his volume, but his confusion seems to diminish the entire rampage. The older man steps back, almost falling into the wall behind him, before straightening up enough to be leaning against it more comfortably.

Now it's Tim in Tony's space, in a heartbeat, he's close enough to the older man to feel his breath on his face as he finally yells at him with the anger that he can no longer contain. "It matters because you coming here like this; your attitude right now- is unfair and unnecessarily hurtful and cruel!"

"Aw, did I hurt the probie,'s feelings?" Tony taunts as he pushes Tim back out of his space, freezing in place as a blur of motion at the edge of his vision catches his eye. When he looks again, he sees nothing. Slightly confused and even angrier now; Tony glares at his former teammate who's showing no sign of backing down. _Where is the probie who never hesitated to back down from him?_

Tim stands firm where he is once his balance is regained, satisfied that's he's still close enough to be heard without continuing to raise his voice. "No, Tony, I no longer care what you say to me – so you didn't hurt _me_. I mean, I thought we were friends and could work things out in a less physical way than you throwing punches, but that's not …what you did by coming here like this- is _much _worse. You've hurt the one person who deserves it the least in this world."

"Huh?"

"The man who's loved you like a son – treated you better than your own father has – taught you almost everything you know – gave you all the slack you ever needed – pulled you in whenever you needed that too – did you REALLY think how you reacted to finding out about his new relationship with me – wouldn't affect him?"

By this time, Tony's confused as to how in the hell this got turned around into being his fault. _What the hell is Tim getting so fired up about? He's the one who's been busy being, well, busy – and dishonest, too! Wait. What about_ …"Who...?"

Tim shakes his head in consternation at the one word that escapes the older man's mouth after everything Tim's just said to him. Even angrier now, Tim's voice rises again. "Damn it, DiNozzo! You hurt Gibbsby handling it like this! And that's **not **okay!"

"Huh? How in the he…?" Tony's caught in the shocked stupor usually only seen on someone fighting a hangover. It's clear he has, in fact, been drinking and that seems to take some of the fight out of Tim. It's unfair to continue with this altercation while Tony's in this state. It won't accomplish anything anyway. But, Tim is not amused. Stepping back into Tony's space, he rises to the occasion and does what he has to, to protect his lover. "Go home, DiNozzo! And stay away from Gibbs until you can muzzle that mouth and not say something to hurt him worse! And when you can stay sober!"

"I am NOT druuunkk!" The slurring makes that short denial an obvious untruth but Tim doesn't touch on it.

"Not what I said, Tony. But, now that you mention it, there's the couch. Crash on it before you crash your car and hurt someone trying to get home in the state you're in. I'm taking your keys"

"Huh. No WAY! I'm NOT stayin' **here**." Tony argues defiantly in a tone that says there's no way he won't get his own way.

Surprisingly Tim has an instant comeback as the younger man sighs and scoops up Tony's car keys up from the floor where the older man had somehow dropped them earlier. "Fine. Then _I'm_ driving you home – in YOUR car! Let's go."

"Uhm, no. Here's works. Not where I'd rather spend the night, but since Gibbs obviously isn't here and you two aren't gonna be playin' house in the next room or anything, it'll work." Tony snidely gloats as he plops down on the sofa and plucks the TV remote from the couch cushion next to him. Randomly pushing buttons, it takes a minute before the television springs to life.

As the sound of the evening late night show fills the air between them, Tim frowns. "Yeah. Somehow, I thought you'd say that. I'll get you a pillow and a blanket."

"Gee, you're a _swell _guy, _Ma_ghee!" Tony drawls mockingly.

"Keep it up, DiNozzo and I'll let you sleep in the hallway – _out_side my door – without your car keys or phone!" Tim warns as he opens the hallway closet and takes out a fluffy pillow and blanket he normally keeps there for his sister's visits.

"Just when _***yawn**_ did you get so mouthy, any _*yawn*_ way, Probie?" Tony asks around the yawns that are overtaking him now."

"Since I found that I really do have people who give a damn about me, Tony. " Tim answers as he comes back to the couch and stuffs the pillow under Tony's head. Dropping the blanket down on top of the older man, Tim picks up the edges and lifts up so that it will fall open, settling it over the nearly asleep guest as he keeps on quietly answering the question. "Saw it for myself, too. Just like you've known for a while now thanks to Gibbs taking you under his wing. Makes a difference, ya know?"

"Mmmm. Big differen…." Tony's head lobs to the side and Tim can't help but smile softly. The guy may have come here more pissed off than Tim had ever seen him and with more drink in him than he'd admitted to, but he sure looks like a soft marshmallow now. It's not long before the smile is gone however.

******NCIS*******

…"_The part that pisses me off, outside of the fact that you've been lying to us all these years, is that – out of every other man out there – on the planet, for God's sake – you somehow hoodwink Gibbs? How the hell you managed that, I'll NEVER understand – but the Team is off limits and YOU KNOW IT! Rule 12, remember? NO one gets to break that rule!"_

Gibbs eyes close in pained resignation and hurt for Tim. Of course Tony would accuse Tim of lying about his sexuality all this time. He should have seen that coming just as he should have known Tony wouldn't like this change in dynamics, especially since it included a change in both the Team Leader's and the Probie's sexual preferences, which, normally wouldn't be any of anyone else's business, but …

_. "You rehearse that speech on your way over here, Tony? Just to be clear – you're pissed about my relationship with Gibbs changing into an intimate one – but not hurt by it. Is that right, Tony? Because I really need you to clarify that for me. For all of us." _

With a soft smile playing across his face, Gibbs offers a silent 'attaboy' to the youngest man for his tenacity seldom seen on such a private level before and never with DiNozzo. Realizing it's for him that Tim is pushing Tony to clarify what he has to say on the matter only tightens the feeling in his heart for the green eyed gentle man who's become his lover.

"_What? Why? What the hell does it matter?"_

"_It matters because you coming here like this; your attitude right now- is unfair and unnecessarily hurtful and cruel!"_

Blinking in surprise at the direction Tim is taking this; Gibbs eases closer so he won't miss anything. He's still not certain Tony's lost the urge to beef it out either. In either case, he feels much better being as close as possible.

"_Aw, did I hurt the probie,'s feelings?" _

Gibbs doesn't know if it's his Senior Field Agent's tone or the push he gives to Tim that has him moving, just barely, towards going to intervene. But the sight of the older of the two in the other room freezing as he almost catches his presence has him stepping back before it's too late. The last thing he wants to do is make this worse.

"_No, Tony, I no longer care what you say to me – so you didn't hurt me. I mean, I thought we were friends and could work things out in a less physical way than you throwing a punch, but that's not …what you did is much worse. You've hurt the one person who deserves it the least in this world."_

The silent man in the hallway suddenly feels the need to wipe away at the unbidden moisture from his vision. He has to blink several times before he can see straight again as the discussion continues in the next room, with only the slightest hiccup.

"_Huh?"_

"_The man who's loved you like a son – treated you better than your own father has – taught you everything you know – gave you all the slack you ever needed – pulled you in whenever you needed that too – did you REALLY think how you reacted to finding out about his new relationship with me – __**wouldn't**__ affect him?"_

'_who...?"_

Edging closer, Gibbs eases into the hallway to better hear the young men's discussion. He's pretty sure it's not going to turn physical now, but he wants to be certain to stay close, just in case Tony's anger is running deeper than he thinks it is. It sounds as if Tony's just drunk enough to be easily set off. Besides, with the emotion Tim is letting out on his behalf, he's finding himself in need of something to hold onto as his knees nearly give out on him. It's been a long time since anyone's defended him so personally like this and…

"_Damn it, DiNozzo! You hurt Gibbs by handling it like this! And that's __**not**__ okay!"_

Leroy's heart skips a beat to hear Tim be so angry on his behalf. It touches him. But, he's not ready for either one of these young men to be adversely affected by anything he does. He really shouldn't stay but he'll need to wait until Tony leaves before heading out. He's not abandoning Tim just because the walls are falling down around their relationship. Thick and thin has obviously arrived and it's time for Leroy to prove he means what he said; that he'll be keeping the promises he's made to Tim.

"_Huh? How in the he…?"_

"_Go home, DiNozzo! And stay away from Gibbs until you can muzzle that mouth and not say something to hurt him worse! And when you can stay sober!"_

Obviously, Tim has this well in hand. Hell, he's even cornered the market on watching Gibbs' six away from work now. That realization stops the older man cold. All it has taken to give Tim the wherewithal to believe in his own strength was for someone to show him they believed in him too. Of course, showing him that he really is lovable hasn't hurt either. That's why there'll be no more of this brought up at work. No one's career will be taking a hit if Leroy has anything to say about it. With that determination in place, Gibbs retreats to the bedroom so the chance at being spotted and revving up the engine on this is minimized. He has faith in Tim that goes without saying. But, now, he's sure now that Tony's not dangerously angry anymore and they'll part company without shedding any blood or any more thrown punches.

******NCIS*******

Tim has to wonder what the morning will bring. Taking the remote from where it's dangling in the other man's hand, he turns the TV down enough so that it's just background noise now. He sets the remote down on the coffee table in plain sight for Tony while scooping up the man's keys and cell phone and carting them to the kitchen counter, next to the coffeemaker. Setting the machine to brew a fresh pot at 0500, he rinses his and Tony's cups out, turns them over in the dish drainer and turns out all the lights but nightlight between the sink and the stove.

Suddenly, it occurs to him that his lover is no longer in the kitchen and he's not even sure if he's still here or when he stopped hearing what was being said. He stops and sits down at the kitchen counter in the barely lit room as he feels the anger coming back now, for the hurt and the disrespect shown, not only to Gibbs tonight, but to himself, too. With his arms on the counter, his head bowed onto his chest and his eyes closed in frustration, Tim works to get his emotions in back under control.

He'd worked so hard to deal with the changes in his lifestyle these past few weeks privately and without letting it affect his job. He doesn't regret allowing Ducky in to his private battle because ultimately that was what helped so much when push came to shove with Gibbs in the end. He does feel now, however; as if the fight to keep it as private as possible was all for naught. Being transferred off the team so quickly will help Tim be able to deal with Tony's attitude, of that, he's sure. But, that doesn't help Gibbs. What's going to happen to his long-standing working relationship with Tony, built on trust and respect?

His heart heavy now, all he can do is hope this won't tear the Team Leader down or shred what's left of the man's team.

"Hey." His lover's soft-spoken address from just behind him as strong hands reach out to massage his shoulders brings Tim's head up off his chest and his eyes swing around to find those cobalt blue orbs he loves to get lost in so much.

"You're still here." Tim marvels quietly.

Pulling Tim gently, Gibbs propels them toward the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind them once they're inside. Gesturing for the younger man to sit on the bed, Leroy sits down next to him. "I made you a promise."

"That you weren't going anywhere." Tim recalls in a whisper, as if he's afraid to speak any louder. "But that is different."

"How?" His lover wants to know.

Tim shakes his head. "This is your team. No one screws with your team. You can't tell me that this doesn't mess things up."

"Were pretty messed up when I split to Mexico."

Tim nods silently.

"Couldn't get much more messed up when Vance split you guys up."

Tim quietly agrees with that assessment.

"Even more messed up when I didn't speak to you the whole four months you were in Cyber-crimes."

With his breath catching in his throat at the realization that the man did understand that – that four months had almost fatally wounded Tim's trust in him, Tim blinks away the sudden moisture from his eyes.

"Pretty messed up when I left Ziva behind in Israel."

This time, there's not even a nod from Tim.

"None of which we get a redo for." Leroy's voice is still quiet and calm but he deliberately lets the small space between them remain while they talk this out. Too much touching will disintegrate this into a moment where their hunger for each other takes over. They need this talk first.

"I know." Tim admits as he continues to look at his own hands in his lap.

"We have a chance to fix _this_."

"You have a plan?" Tim wonders with hope in his tone as he finally looks up at his lover.

"Team nights – my place – with you included.

Tim shakes his head. "I don't think I should be there. At least not the first couple of nights."

"Leave that option open." Gibbs quietly suggests in that tone that makes it more than a simple request.

"Okay."

"Come to bed. You've got a busy day tomorrow."

"Leroy." Tim quietly addresses him as the older man heads around the bed to get in it.

Gibbs stops and looks over at the younger man,immediately reading his mind with mind-blowing accuracy . "Don't, Tim. This isn't your fault any more than it is mine. We just can't put the genie back in the bottle, that's all."

Silence settles between them as neither look away from the other for a long minute. It's as though Tim is searching for proof positive that Leroy isn't blaming him; as if his words aren't quite enough.

Rather than be upset at the obvious need Tim has to anchor himself to whatever truth he finds in Leroy's eyes now, the older man softly smiles as he gestures toward the bed once more. "C'mon."

It's not long before they get comfortable snuggling together under the covers. But Tim still has one last burning question he needs answered tonight. Wrapped securely in Leroy's arms, he raises his head so he can look at him as he asks. "So, now that Tony knows, do we just go ahead and out ourselves to the others? It's all about honesty, right?"

"Let's sleep on it, alright? Honesty's important, but we have a right to a private life just like everyone else." Leroy suggests as he kisses Tim on the temple and pulls him closer.

"Yeah." Tim breathes out tiredly as he settles onto Gibbs shoulder. "Please tell me we're not going to lose this."

"I promise, Tim. I'm still not going anywhere." Leroy vows in his ear before carding his hair back. "Go to sleep. You've had a busy night defending me."

With a quiet huff of laughter, Tim murmurs sleepily. "Had to... love you."

Tim's breathing evens out as he succombs to sleep before Leroy can even get the words out. "Same here, Tim. Same here."


	23. Reality Bites - Part IV

_Thank you **again** Shelbylou - who I wrote this for as a birthday present - for encouraging me to go ahead and post this here._

_**Special Thanks** goes out to delia cerrano - for her valued second opinion and her willingness to offer it._

_**A Touch of A/U: FOR THE SAKE OF THIS STORY:** Tony & Barrett's relationship took place 18 months earlier than in cannon.(Putting it 6 months before this story)_

**Episode Tag: **"Dead Reflection"_ – 4/12/2011_ & _"'Two-Faced"_ April 5, 2011 - Season 8_ (original cannon dates)_

* * *

_0500 Tuesday Morning_

_Confirmation. Reaffirmation. Promise. Trust. _Whatever the word for it is, it's what crosses Leroy's mind in a wave when he wakes up Tuesday morning, wrapped securely in Tim's strong arms that leave no doubt how much he's thought of by the younger man. Without moving a muscle, he lets his mind wander where it wants to for a minute as the question comes to mind how this happens every time they spend the night together. More and more lately, _this_ is how they've woken up together, as opposed to the way they are snuggled together as they fall asleep, with him doing the holding, letting Tim be the one wrapped in undeniable physical strength and support – and yes, love.

_"…sleeping in your arms pretty much guarantees a good night's sleep."_

Laying here listening to the sounds of the quiet apartment now and hearing only the wonderful sound of his lover's slow and steady breathing while in restful sleep, Leroy's warmed from the inside out, not only at the memory of Tim's words on the subject, but also at the here and now that's become his morning; the first of many he knows he has to look forward to; _they_ have to look forward to. It's a strong reminder of the depth of it all; his own inner changes; allowances they've both made and are continuing to make for all things uncertain and new and even the re-lit fire in his soul for love – Tim's love. Here in the dark, alone yet not lonely, he's humbled by it all.

Their relationship is all still new enough that none of the last few days has been forgotten. Hell, none of the last _month _has been forgotten, The younger man's inner struggles to get to the place within himself that he is finally comfortable about who he's become within their relationship – and outside of it – was painful to watch but deeply enlightening and when all was finally out in the open between them, enriching for the both of them The icing on the cake; the awakening of the growing fire underneath the confusion has been a joy to behold – in so many ways, it's breathtaking to stop and think back on it all.

Leroy's never felt _this_ love before. Even with Shannon, it had been different in so many ways that _this _truly does feel fresh and new. Everything from the way Tim loves to look into his eyes as they make love, to the way he treasures running his fingers through Leroy's salt and pepper hair. The older man smiles softly now at Tim's previously spoken wish that he grow it out more so there would be more for the younger man to run his fingers through.

_Please? Let it grow, just two inches; for me, Leroy?_

So much of what they've begun here has come from deep within both of their wounded hearts that it's no surprise to Leroy now that his own mind wants to go back over some of what has stuck out the most; impacted him the deepest.

_I want to make you feel good, just like you've done for me. _

The beauty of those green eyes as they'd opened and locked onto his then, still brings a smile to the older man's face even now. He remembers how he'd responded to that selfless spoken reflection of the man Tim truly was on the inside.

"_Sounds like the makings of a pretty good relationship." _

He remembers smiling softlyas he'd locked his eyes on those of his young man and reaching out a hand to him just as clearly as he remembers Tim reaching out his own hand until he'd connected their fingers; interlocking them securely as their eyes spoke of promises and trust as he'd asked with a tremor shaking his voice. _"It does, doesn't it?"_

Of their own accord, Leroy's fingers begin to move now, paving slow, loving trails over Tim's arms where they're holding him close and secure as if remembering_ that_ moment they'd stepped over the threshold into permanence now opens the door a little wider.

More of the highlights from their first twenty-four hours before that moment, filter back to his memory now, just as beautiful and memorable in pieces now as they were as a whole then.

_"Okay then. This is where you let go and go with whatever feels good. We clear?"_

_"Yes, Leroy." _

Leroy smiles at the memory of the tremors of excitement that had visibly coursed through his lover at that moment. It had been such a turn on then and yet it had struck a chord in him at the same time; the newness of it all for Tim. They've come a long way since that moment just this past Friday night. Without his bidding, another bright moment comes back to mind.

_"Teach me what makes you feel good, Leroy."_

Oh, the depth of feeling in those eyes as Tim had pled openly to him! It had stirred his heart as deeply as it had stirred his loins. To realize this joining was filled with so much meaning had nearly left him breathless then. It chokes him up a little now. He's still blinking to clear his vision when another golden memory slides into place.

"_God! Make me come, already! Please! __Take me, Leroy, Please!"_

Biting his tongue now, Leroy struggles to suppress the moan of pure molten hunger that pours out at the vivid memory of his lover crying out, strong capable hands clenched into the sheets as his body tried to sort itself out between the pleasure and the pain of their first complete joining.

_"Leroy! More! Please!"_

Leroy too, remembers being launched into orbit so far out, he'd seen blinding white behind his eyes as he flew. The rareness of that experience had sharpened it into a focus not easily forgotten or blurred. In the moments after he'd recovered his faculties, the time he'd lovingly cleaned Tim up as the younger man remained bonelessly poured into the mattress, his eyes closed and his breathing still harsh yet steady – Tim's realness – his lack of masks had opened the gates to Leroy's heart all that much more.

_If only this could last forever!_

Tim's honest yet only half-spoken wish later on had unleashed the protective lover within and Leroy's response had come without hesitation.

_"I promise you, Tim. This is just the beginning. It only gets better from here."_

He remembers how his own voice had never risen above soothing and the kiss he'd planted on Tim's earlobe had been done without even thinking twice about it. Restlessly now, his legs shift next to Tim's, as if remembering on their own what happened next.

With bated breath, Leroy glances at the sleeping man's beautiful face while he waits to see if he's woken him. He's relieved to see a moment later that Tim hasn't yet been disturbed in the least. He's sleeping so peacefully and without stirring a muscle. It's time he himself got up though and get moving for a normal work day. With a grin, he remains still as it comes to mind that just for today, he's willing to do things differently. In fact, he's reluctant to move at all.

Still, he really needs to get off this incredible memory lane and get back to here and now. Speaking of incredible… slowly rolling with Tim's arms, he turns the focus of his fully awake libido where it belongs, exploring and appreciating his lover. He knows there's no better way to wake up so he enjoys being the one doing the giving when he can. That's something else that is cementing their relationship with steel; the way that both of them are equal in both giving and receiving without any sort of competition or worry.

With all the tenderness he possesses, he applies his hands to smoothing Tim's hair around his face and begins to blaze a gentle, simmering trail of kisses from Tim's jaw, on around to his ear and on down as they travel to his neck and begin their trek to all points southward on his lover's body.

**_*****NCIS*******_**

_Relaxed. Wanted. Kissed. Stroked. Loved! Leroy! _ All of the above sensations slowly and sensually penetrate the fog of sleep and bring Tim almost completely awake before any noise penetrates the pre-dawn darkness. Suppressing the normal sounds of contentment and animal hunger these attentions would normally bring out in him, Tim chooses instead to not do anything to take away from this moment while he physically melts into Leroy's loving touch.

Without hesitation, Tim 's reaching up with one of his own hands to tenderly caress the man's face, several of his long fingers gently carding his love's hair above his ear as the room slowly continues to glow with the moonlight peeking through the bedroom curtains on the right side of the bed. With the room cast in sensual shadow, the mood is as perfect as the golden silence that blankets them now.

Leroy leans into Tim's touch just as the younger man is leaning into his. Together, they silently communicate the depth that they have opened themselves up to and allowed this relationship to take root in. As if reading each other's mind, their free hands come together, interlocking strongly while Tim raises the arm of his that's attached to their joined fingers back over his head now, resting it on the pillow. He's keeping their connection untangled as their dance heats up, mouths coming together in an invitation to explore and unite.

*******NCIS*********

_ 0630 Tuesday Morning_

Gibbs can't stop smiling even before he's had his usual morning staple. Sated on all levels, he mentally envelopes the lingering memory of a very long, unusually quiet, intimate hour spent with Tim. It had taken a herculean effort on the younger man's part before he'd forced himself to get up and get in the shower for work, heading out a mere ten minutes ago, just as quietly, with a leisurely, sensual kiss of goodbye between them. A rarely pensive Gibbs now stands alone in Tim's kitchen, slowly pouring himself that first cup of coffee of the morning and he's content.

_Forget_ _content_, Gibbs mentally corrects his own thoughts. He's happier than he's been in a _very_ long time. Shannon's no longer hidden away in the deep recesses of his soul; he's secure in the belief that Tim loves him for who he is; including those memories and experiences, photos and other saved mementos. They've known each other for years, now getting to know each other better along the way. What he and Tim are building is already founded in their combined strength and honesty. _Nothing_ can tear that apart

_But it won't be for lack of trying. _With that troubled thought, Gibbs silently walks to the doorway looking into the living room. Watching his Senior Field Agent sleep off the drunken slumber he'd allowed himself to sink into last night brings a frown to the Team Leader's face. This wasn't supposed to happen.

His and Tim's relationship outside the office was _not _supposed to hurt anyone. _Has it? Tony said he was pissed, not hurt. Right? Won't be that way from Abby, though. _

With a quiet sigh, Gibbs returns to the kitchen since he sees movement over on the couch. Tony'll be waking up soon. Without even thinking about it, he reaches up into Tim's cupboard and pulls down a coffee mug for the agent that will soon be walking into the kitchen looking for a mega shot of caffeine any minute now. He's warmed by the realization that he feels at home here in Tim's kitchen already and he hopes Tim feels the same way about his place.

Speaking of Tim…only now, at this imminent arrival of Tony into the mix, is Gibbs thankful that he insisted his lover let him deal with Tony this morning. He'd meant what he said last night. This discussion is _not _going into the office. Had the Senior Field Agent gone home to sleep it off, Gibbs would have cornered him there instead.

The bottom line is that this is a private matter. Nothing else is acceptable. Even if nothing else gets said here this morning, _that_ much will be laid into law, with no allowance for exceptions whatsoever.

*******NCIS*********

_Pain filled thumping. Jackhammering behind his eyeballs. Peace and quiet so thick it's reaching out to him and it feels wrong._ That's all it takes to pull Tony from the black hole of a drunken sleep on into the hellish reality of the morning after hangover waiting for him. He frowns as he forces his eyelids open, noticing that the room is wrong; the lighting is wrong; hell, the feel of this nice couch is wrong because it's not his leather sofa that he prizes so much.

That's enough to jolt him awake to the point that he wants to ride out the pain behind his eyes just so he can sit up and see the world like he's supposed to see it. Blinking owlishly now, he tries to focus as he glances around the room from a normal upright position, the couch supporting his back. _What the hell? Why is he at McGee's place? No other place on this planet would have **that **bookcase!_

Before he can think about it any longer, the smell of coffee reaches his brain waves and short circuits anything else on that thought wave. _Thank you, McGee! Even when you're being an ass, you're still a polite ass._

Struggling to his feet, Tony uses the couch for leverage and doesn't let go until he stops seeing two of everything. Just barely dragging himself toward the kitchen, following his nose to the coffee, his recollection of last night bringing back how he'd felt and building up the anger once more when the sight that greets him as he rounds the corner to the kitchen doorway, stops him in his tracks, his breath stalling out in his chest.

*******NCIS*******

Arriving in the squad room at the unusually early time of 0600, Tim breathes out a sigh of relief. He loves it when the world around him is quiet enough that he can think. But since he's embarked on this relationship with Leroy; he loves it even more. It gives him time to look back; relish and cherish those moments that mean so much to him. It's like flipping through a mental scrap-book that he will never let leave his side.

Taking himself to the break room, he chooses an out of the way chair by the window and sits down sipping from the large coffee he's brought in to work with him, as his mind begins to travel back, as if it can't wait to get there. And although there are countless moments he can relive now; the freshest one calls to him the sharpest. That precious time from just this morning:

_Countless moments of shared kisses and gentle fingertips trailing fiery paths along already tingling skin and pulsing, thickening rods have them more than ready to climb higher as Leroy joins hands with Tim to jointly prep the younger man for the elevation that's on the horizon. _

_With shared soft smiles, Tim opens himself completely before he silently yet oh, so expectantly allows himself to be tugged into an upright on his knees position. He watches with hungry eyes as Leroy moves around just enough to line up snug behind him. Without wasting any time, the older man pushes in gently and oh, so agonizingly slowly, one breathtakingly beautiful inch at a time, both of them quietly gasping at the intensity of the feelings this precious intimacy is inducing. _

_Once fully seated within Tim's perfect fit of a body, Leroy leans forward, wraps his arms around his lover and gently pulls him back until the younger man is completely sitting in his lap; Tim's back leaning against Gibbs' chest. – Tim's favorite place to be when they're making love like this._

_Tim fights to hold back his normal verbal means of expression – determined to honor the golden aura of this beautiful silent connection. He loves being here on Leroy's shoulder where he's snuggled now, his head back and their gazes locked as his breathing already panting out from the sensations quickly overwhelming him and the emotions he always lets free just as quickly, giving evidence that his heart is already completely in the thick of it. _

_This time, there's no gravelly voice urging him on, rather silent expressions of elevating sensual hunger, desire and emotion shared between them; their gazes never faltering from each other's, that fuels the flame. Their hands supporting each other without any need for words; one of Tim's wrapped up snug around Leroy's neck while the older man's supportive arm is tucked across his lover's waist. _

_Somehow, as has become their way; their free hands find each other and interlock – yet another layer of unspoken connection and support that means more to both of them than either can express: __an unadulterated act of trust as Leroy supports them both while they ride to the sun, one sensual stroke at a time. _

_Countless moments later; the look of pure ecstasy on Leroy's face as they crest that stratosphere together is so priceless, it brings tears to Tim's eyes. _

*******NCIS********

In the space of time that it takes Tony to regain his breathing, the older man has firmly set a fresh cup of coffee down on the counter where it's closest to the Senior Field Agent. The silence coming from him is almost painful.

Tony doesn't move. Instead, he clears his throat as he looks away from the older man standing on the other side of the counter. It's the silence that he hates. It's as bad as that look in the boss' eyes and together, it's the combination where he knows Gibbs is more than angry. The man is justifiably so and at the outer limits of it and it's already at the point where it's getting ready to morph into the red hot fury no one wants to ever be on the receiving end of.

But, this time, Tony's angry too. And from where he's standing, he's more justified than Gibbs is. So, what the hell are they gonna do about it? Where do they go from here?

Gibbs sits down on the stool on his side of the counter, his eyes never wavering from Tony's face. With a sigh, Tony gives up the resistance and sits down on his side, hiding behind his coffee cup as he downs the hot dose of caffeine like a thirsty man's first drink in a week. Setting the cup down once he's emptied it, he pushes it to the side and lets his hands fall into his lap. "So you **were** here last night." Tony accuses. "That's great. That's just… great."

The responsive glare emanating from the boss does nothing to calm Tony's rising ire. In fact, it fuels it because now Tony feels like he was being spied on last night and that's just unacceptable. "Couldn't leave us alone to work it out, at least?" He grumpily asks.

"Don't remember interferin' " Gibbs remarks quietly.

"Maybe not, but…"

"But, what, DiNozzo?' Gibbs growls now. He's losing patience for his Senior Field Agent's attitude. "Ya think I didn't already know your attitude?"

"How?" Tony demands angrily.

"Been on my team a long time, DiNozzo." Gibbs replies sharply. "Haven't exactly been silent about it."

The boss' ire deflates some of Tony's attitude to the point where his next remark is much more a glimpse of what he's really thinking about. "You got it all wrong, Gibbs."

The patented look he gets in return is the silent invitation to spill what's on his mind. Tony's rather quick on the uptake, considering he's hungover.

"You breakin' your own rule 12. Never saw this comin'."

"Didn't happen."

"What?"

"Team wasn't on call this weekend, DiNozzo. Transfer was done before work day even started."

Completely deflated, Tony sighs deeply and steps around Gibbs to refill his own coffee cup. "Guess we're not walkin' away from this one unscathed, are we?"

Gibbs' silent look begs the question of what Tony's referring to.

"C'mon, Boss. You know exactly what I mean, here! McGee's hoodwinked you! With that baby-faced kid battin' his puppy dog eyes at ya; it wasn't right – him doin' that!"

Still silent, the boss' expression changes to his patented _'do you think I'm stupid?'_ look.

"Ok! What happened to Rule 12? You two didn't just suddenly decide to get together. So there had to be a break of that rule in there somewhere!"

Gibbs immediately flashes back to A.J. Barrett. He remembers that conversation as if it were yesterday.  
_You're sleeping with DiNozzo.  
It's not against NCIS policy to date co-workers.  
It's against my policy. This team operates on respect.  
You don't respect me  
I don't trust you.  
Really?  
Really. Except to work the case, leave my team alone. We clear?_

The look on Gibbs' face reminds Tony quite readily that he himself has dallied with that rule on more than one occasion. Still, he's outraged because there's a sharp difference here and it's not one that should even have to be spoken of! "I never crossed that line completely – and damned sure not like this!"

Gibbs frowns at the anger he miss. _Did Tony really **not** see the hypocrisy in his own actions and words? Was he so seriously blinded by his inflated ego and sense of importance that he no longer noticed?_ Finally, he pokes the bear who's already out of his element. "How's that workin' for ya?"

"What?"

"Being a hypocrite"

"I'm no…"

"Barrett."

"Ho….?"

Gibbs pointed look demands that Tony look back for himself and remember. It's yet another piece of that situation that comes back to him very clearly.

_What's the occasion?  
I thought we could talk.  
So talk.  
__You know, I look up to you, Boss.I've learned a lot from you over the last ten 've been a great teacher.__  
You got a point, DiNozzo?  
I've always thought that the head-slaps were a sign of , in the squad room, I was expecting one and I didn't I didn't get you pissed at me? Rule number 12. "Never date a coworker." Yeah.I know. She's pretty great, and I have a lot in common. She's easy to be with, you know? It's nice to have somebody to talk to NCIS doesn't have any policy against it. You know, there are married agents, and technically, EJ and I We don't work together. We're on separate teams.  
My team. My rules. Sleeping with Barrett's a bad idea.  
No offense, but my personal life is my business.  
It's gonna affect your work. -  
No, I won't. -  
Already has.  
I know what you're thinking. I've lost focus, that I've taken my eye off the ball.  
I depend on you…._

Gibbs remembers not knowing what had pissed him off more; the fact that Tony had let his relationship with Barrett get to that point; or that he had gone so far over the edge with it that he hadn't even seen the forest for the trees. Either way, it had affected his team and as Team Leader, Gibbs hadn't stood for it then.

And he's already taken drastic steps to make sure it's _not _going to happen now.


End file.
